Is there something seriously wrong w/me?

In the last year and 1/2, dating has been absolute misery. Although my 1st relationship failed, at least it was a normal relationship where both us just weren't compatible. So far w/a couple guys I started to date, as soon as I got involved or started caring, they pulled the "you are an amazing girl, but I am not ready right now" (take any variation you want on this). Now I'm starting to question What in the living hell is wrong w/me? Being called amazing now is a total insult to me.

Do these guys get sex before they use this line? - if so, they were probably only looking for hookups in which case you've just had a run of bad luck...

If not, well, I guess the same still applies and you've just happened to meet guys that feel they're not suited for you. Dating is a minefield of heartbreaks. Virtually at any moment someone can pull out because of pressure, insecurities, competition, lack of passion... a whole range of reasons. Don't let it get to you... and definitely don't start thinking it's you!

... but if you want to share what was said/done prior to these breakups that could have caused this, there might be a pattern?...

Do these guys get sex before they use this line? - if so, they were probably only looking for hookups in which case you've just had a run of bad luck...

 

If not, well, I guess the same still applies and you've just happened to meet guys that feel they're not suited for you. Dating is a minefield of heartbreaks. Virtually at any moment someone can pull out because of pressure, insecurities, competition, lack of passion... a whole range of reasons. Don't let it get to you... and definitely don't start thinking it's you!

 

... but if you want to share what was said/done prior to these breakups that could have caused this, there might be a pattern?...

No sex involved. Funny thing is, is that they are ones who come on and push for a relationship. The last guy, we talked for 2 weeks, went out twice, came on super strong, talking marriage and relationship, even before we met!

Yeah, I can only speculate here...

Some guys use the *future* line to get into your pants, others use it because they are genuine and actually want it

Do you remember anything about what might have been said prior to this *ghosting*?

Yeah, I can only speculate here...

 

Some guys use the *future* line to get into your pants, others use it because they are genuine and actually want it

 

Do you remember anything about what might have been said prior to this *ghosting*?

Not exactly ghosting, but pretty much coping out of the situation, its always been lines used I'm too damaged, idk what I want etc. Could be because they were younger then me.

Sounds just like normal dating to be honest.

Also a warning, when a man talks of marriage and relationship before even meeting you...run.

All normal especially when meeting online.

I'm guessing though that they ghost on you when you start initiating the contact?

Guys actually prefer to chase rather than be chased.

Are you suddenly reversing that?

Guys actually prefer to chase rather than be chased.

I disagree that's why chicken nuggets were invented. You ever try to watch rocky catch a chicken it looks exhausting.

All normal especially when meeting online.

 

I'm guessing though that they ghost on you when you start initiating the contact?

Guys actually prefer to chase rather than be chased.

Are you suddenly reversing that?

I disagree as well. I've stopped chasing women altogether due to making sure I have other options when I'm not in a committed relationship and in the dating pool.

Watch the feet- what he does- not the lips -what he says. "Amazing" is one of those overused catchall phrases. People who want to give you a genuine compliment will take the time to be very specific and throw in the "amazing" less often than the specific.

If you are from a culture that only dates for marriage and bring that up immediately, yes many will run because they see you are husband shopping.

Also pursuing LDRs is less successful than dating locally. Too much too soon, such as constant texting and insisting all your free time be spent at their place to get out of your parents house will also come up as a red flag for many.

Pacing yourself and having a good filter and letting things evolve rather than trying to nail things down before you even know each other are things you can be mindful of to help your dating experiences.

They are tiptoeing out under pressure and using the 'it's me, not you' soft let down.

So far w/a couple guys I started to date, as soon as I got involved or started caring, they pulled the "you are an amazing girl, but I am not ready right now" (take any variation you want on this). Now I'm starting to question What in the living hell is wrong w/me?

No sex involved. Funny thing is, is that they are ones who come on and push for a relationship. The last guy, we talked for 2 weeks, went out twice, came on super strong, talking marriage and relationship, even before we met!

This kind of insane come on is not genuine and is a bit like a giant flashing neon sign warning YOU to run for this hills. Either the guy is a player hoping to quickly sweep you off your feet and straight into his bed or he is insane. Neither one is a good option for getting involved with. When you see this kind of pushy over the top behavior that should set off alarm bells in your head and you should be the one telling them "sorry, it's not you, it's me I'm just not ready for this" and then you RUUUUUUN.

Not exactly ghosting, but pretty much coping out of the situation, its always been lines used I'm too damaged, idk what I want etc. Could be because they were younger then me.

That's just part of normal dating process. The whole point of dating is to weed out bad matches. So yes, there are a lot of damaged people out there. When they actually tell you so, you take them at their word and again.....RUUUUN for the hills. They need to fix themselves before trying to date, but people will do what they do and it's on you to weed them out.

I kind of get the sense that you approach dating very passively and just go along with whatever guy pays any kind of attention to you. You need to start discriminating better who is and isn't worth your time. You cannot be a passive passenger in your own life. Success isn't about being in a relationship, success is finding the right person for you to be in a relationship with and that means YOU need to make some decisions about what and who is right and wrong for you as well.

If you are from a culture that only dates for marriage and bring that up immediately, yes many will run because they see you are husband shopping.

 

Also pursuing LDRs is less successful than dating locally. Too much too soon, such as constant texting and insisting all your free time be spent at their place to get out of your parents house will also come up as a red flag for many.

 

Pacing yourself and having a good filter and letting things evolve rather than trying to nail things down before you even know each other are things you can be mindful of to help your dating experiences.

 

They are tiptoeing out under pressure and using the 'it's me, not you' soft let down.

The last guy brought marriage 1st, even said what he wanted to name his kids. He also wanted to spend a ton of time w/me right away as well.

Sure. Anyone can say "I want to marry one day and have 3 kids named john and jane and joe". It doesn't mean anything and it's not a proposal nor an indicator of interest.

However too much to soon both in talk and action is a red flag and usually a player. Why? Because it's superficial.

The last guy brought marriage 1st, even said what he wanted to name his kids.

Sure. Anyone can say "I want to marry one day and have 3 kids named john and jane and joe". It doesn't mean anything and it's not a proposal nor an indicator of interest.

 

However too much to soon both in talk and action is a red flag and usually a player. Why? Because it's superficial.

That's why I was on my toes, but got taken in by his charm when I met him.