My Wife's Son continually threatens to kill me in Violent Rages.

Here's the run down of events and skeletal facts.

I dearly love my Lady. We have been together for 6 years and more.

But her son (one of two from different previous husbands) the youngest one (26 years old) is 6foot 6 inches tall and easily that wide across. Is a drug abuser.

His violent obsession drives him to play Rugby as and when ever he can.

I can only describe him as a sub-intellectual thug. A real slob. Immoral, unhygienic, continually attention seeking, under achieved in life.

My lady is 59, I am 56.

Ever since I have been with my Lady 6 years ago this son has been violent towards me, always threatening, always causing stress between myself and my Lady, always apologising at the end with words like, "Sorry Mum. I know it upsets you!" after HE has caused the latest argument violent confrontation. Always playing the good guy. Its as if he has studied how to professionally cause this appalling degree of screaming rage violence and then turn it around as if it was all my doing.

Detailed events that come to memory.

EXAMPLE.

The last outburst was after we had just finished chopping wood together. I on the chain saw, he stacking it in the trailer, then we stack it in the barn.

Totally shattered out I go to the Kitchen and make myself some tea and a slice of cake. I am shattered. He is built like a brick sh*t-house. Not even affected by the labour.

He asks me if I found the firelighters. I say, laughing at myself, "I'm way too tired to build a fire. I am shattered. I'll be lcky if I can stay awake to drink this and eat this cake. "

Now, alls OK to the outsider as that is hardly a provocative confrontation but....

He walks out of the kitchen muttering that he's going to kill f**** me.

He walks into my Ladys / his mothers office and tells he that "If he speaks to me like that again Ill F**** kill him."

he goes outside, seems to be OK and then comes indoors to find me totally surprised at being told by my Lady that he has threatened her with her boyfriends death if "He speaks to me like that again, " and she wants to know what I said.... as I'm explaining he bursts into the office full rage tantrum and literally bellows at the top of hi voice, "If you speak to me like that again I'll F**** kill ya!" and stands there festering.

I have told my Lady time and again that he is a psychotic who needs serious psychological help. He hasn't laid a hand on me yet but...... read the following.

I have a lethal allergy to a simple food (name withheld so that internet searches do not list this as details about it) An oil in it anaesthetises my heart and I'll die. I literally fall asleep and die.

One day we come home to find that this "substance" which was in a jar in the fridge has been spattered across the whole interior of the fridge contaminating everything in it all the food everything.

You can see the stripes of it where it was sloshed out of the jar in a thick paste. Its the colour white but you can see it.

When asked about it he (Violent Son) says, "Oh, I opened the jar and it exploded everywhere."

Yet the streaks do not betray this eventuality. And the lacking of it anywhere but INSIDE the fridge is also evidence of an attempt on my life.

Another example.

A powerlead is draped across my chair when I go to the toilet one day.

The power lead has had about two inches of its plastic sheath shaved off revealing the bare coper wires but on its UNDERSIDE. Just where it touches the arms of the wooden chair. So that if anyone picks it up they'll be electrocuted. You wont be able to let go. Always wary in the house I carefully move the wire with my foot because its odd this has suddenly happened in 45 seconds since I left the room and no ones about. Wires don't jump off the floor. As it falls on the floor I see the bare wires. I go and ask my Lady if she has been in the room. I explain to her whats happened. She says her son was in the office.

Another example.

One day I come downstairs to "my cupboard" where I have cleaned one plate one cup one fork one knife one dish one spoon.... (Because this son is so disgusting that every single utensil in the house is filthy and used and smeared with food and draped everywhere through the house.) I find crushed broken glass over everything. At this time his Mother, My lady is in hospital having an operation for Cancer. The whole house is draped with used durex laying on the kitychen worktop, dining tables, his stinking clothes everyhwhere EVERYWHERE, the floor the chairs everywhere and the place smells of B.O. sweat. Its a hovel. And glass is everywhere. And his rages at 2am threaten me with my life in violent rages bashing and thrashing about in fury.

I cant list the spiteful hatred acts theyre too numerous but I hope you get the idea.

On a holiday out of country every time my Lady went to the toilet or reception and left the two of us alone together (he was there because we met up as he was in another country and My Lady rendezvoused with him for two days) this man/son told me in no spared detail that he was going to kill me and make it look like an accident. He said he would get away with it because everyone would believe him. "I'm gonna f**** kill you and make it look like a f***** accident!" said through gritted teeth. Countless times. Every time she turned her back. When I told her she is in COMPLETE denial and refuses to believe that he is like this.

Another example.

All three of us working together to sort out my Ladys garden one day he decides that she isn't working hard enough or doing things the way he wants them done. So multiple times he bellows at her, "Come on you f**** retard. F***** put iot over there then!" and so on. Bitterly angry and hateful.

Now it has come to the point where I believe my life, because of his rages, is in danger.

My lady whom I dearly love and have tried to help get over her Cancer operation, and tried to keep her happy and positive as much as I can, says she will end our relationship if I threaten her son or report him to an authority of any kind. Basically psychologists for assessment as he shouldn't me unmedicated in society, or the police.

She loves him to death despite that his idiotic abuse of finance caused debts where she had to remortgage the house and move somewhere else but NOBODY but I knows about this. Not even her Son. Also I fear of her son being declared unsafe in soceity she got him work on the other side of the world and we moved 600 miles away from where we'd been living.

I worry that I cannot turn to anyone. I fear that I will be killed in one of his disgusting rages or worse, paralysed to a wheel chair with a broken neck or some such misery. use your imagination.

I love my Lady with all my heart. She is a wonderful generous woman but for this Son whom I have suffered for 6 years. He used to live at home but her words were "I love him to bits but ...... HE HAS TO GO." Because his drunk car crashes, drugs, abuse, threat and food consumption alone was killing her financial income and I refuse to subsidise his life for mine.

Who do I turn to? To at LEAST register this persons violent activities with. How do I stand in the law with this death threat continually in my face.

It sounds to me like your partner is fully aware of the problems with her son and yet remains in some kind of denial. She protects him over you, even at the expense of his own best interests. Which leads me to ask, why do you stick around? You love her, yes, but is love always enough? I would suggest that it isn't. Your partner is doing nothing to intervene in this situation and she is preventing you from reporting her son. Thus, you have no way of ensuring your safety and you are resigned to putting up with this abuse for as long as it should go on, unless her son decides to try and kill you first.

If nobody else is protecting your interests then you need to do so. You have one life, no second chances. Do you want to live it in fear and under threat? Is any relationship worth that?

My advice is, convey to your partner that this is no longer acceptable. That you cannot put up with the constant threats and abuse. If she won't deal with her son then the law should deal with him. If she won't allow you to involve any authorities then you are in an untenable position and you will have to leave.

No partner who loves you would want you to be in this position that you are right now. Her love for her son is admirable in a way but it is also blinkered and it leaves you vulnerable. If she is making her choice, her son, then you need to make yours.

I'm so sorry you are going through this kind of abuse.

You need to be more stern and talk with your lady regarding her son. At the same time, your lady is enabling his behavior. After you talk to her one last time (it's probably not going to get anywhere). Call the police and make a report. Don't let your lady or the son know. The reason I'm telling you to do this is because, if her son does end up doing something terrible to you. The first thing authorities is going to ask is, why didn't you make a police report?

You just need to report it, then ask the police what you could do to protect yourself? Trust me, file the police report on him. He does not sound normal and I"m really afraid for your safety. Is it an option to leave your lady?

Sorry I watch way to much crime documentary and your situation sound very very dangerous. It's a matter of time, her son is going to snap!

If you can't get the guy involuntarily committed for being a danger to others (which I am a bit unsure you will be able to achieve), and are truly in fear for your life and limbs, leave. Now. She may be a great lady, but is she worth dying for?

Who is worth this abuse and possible death? It is highly unlikely she can control him he hasn't been controlled up till now so it's not going to happen . I would say it's best to leave .

Your "lady" is fully responsible for this situation, including denying her own son the psychiatric care and treatment that he desperately needs. That actually doesn't make her a very good person and it does make her an awful mother. She knows good and well who her son is, yet she takes his side over yours and stands by and watches you being abused and your life threatened. Frankly, what you describe is so surreal, I'm wondering is this is really true or a bit of creative trolling going on.

At some point I think you need be questioning your own judgment and sanity for remaining in this situation and for so utterly divorcing this woman's share of responsibility in this from her son's actions. She is no innocent flower and by your own admission she will easily kick you out of her life if you dare to get her son the psychiatric care that he needs. Consider that your love and martyrdom, because putting up with this is martyrdom, is not fully reciprocated. Under the circumstances, assuming any of this is real, you have to have some serious psychological issues yourself to keep sticking around.

If you live together, move out and get a restraining order against him. If he threatens you call the cops, they may bring him to a psych unit or arrest him depending

He's not going to change or get help and she just goes along with that. They are a package deal especially if he lives with her. You are the odd man out and if you can't be with him, then you can't be with her. They were this way, are this way and will stay this way.

Her son will kill you if you stay. He has already attempted to do so. If you stay, you are signing your own death warrant. Your wife and stepson clearly do not value your life. If you don't leave, you will have only yourself to blame for your demise. I hope I don't end up hearing about you on Snapped. I really do.

I would document everything. Honestly, take photos and even record conversations.

I would also take your "lady" away for a nice vacation - go away for a weekend and have a relaxing time away from the son but also talk. Tell her that you know that she loves her son and you understand why she doesn't want to get him the help he needs because she could be afraid of him - he is a big guy. Maybe ask her why she won't get him the help he needs before he really hurts someone. Is there a reason? And lay down a boundary. That you can't live with someone constantly telling you he wants you dead and endangering your life. If there is no way that she will live separate from her son, you need to make choices to protect yourself

If he does do something to you - then you have no choice but to get the authorities involved on your own. Honestly, maybe he will finally get the help he needs in that case.

Honestly, if she is not willing for anything to be done, then you need to leave the relationship, as sad as it may be.

btw, are the other kids aware of this? The guy's dad?

btw, if he is a drug abuser, can't you call the authorities if you see him with drugs? If he is in possession, they will arrest him.

I'm so sorry you are going through this kind of abuse.

 

You need to be more stern and talk with your lady regarding her son. At the same time, your lady is enabling his behavior. After you talk to her one last time (it's probably not going to get anywhere). Call the police and make a report. Don't let your lady or the son know. The reason I'm telling you to do this is because, if her son does end up doing something terrible to you. The first thing authorities is going to ask is, why didn't you make a police report?

 

You just need to report it, then ask the police what you could do to protect yourself? Trust me, file the police report on him. He does not sound normal and I"m really afraid for your safety. Is it an option to leave your lady?

 

Sorry I watch way to much crime documentary and your situation sound very very dangerous. It's a matter of time, her son is going to snap!

I agree with this. He seems to have sociopathic tendencies. This is not normal.

Collect evidence... take pictures of this stuff and if you can write every incident on a journal. Make reports to the police so that it is all recorded without them knowing and I agree with asking advice to the police. I would also advise you move out of the house for a while for your own safety.

Even if these are just empty threats some of the incidents indicate that he might really do something. And even if he didn't this is the abuse. It's supposed to leave you scared. He seems to get a thrill out of this.

Please be safe and take all the precautions. At this time your life and safety is more important than the relationship with his mother.

Who is worth this abuse and possible death? It is highly unlikely she can control him he hasn't been controlled up till now so it's not going to happen . I would say it's best to leave .

I agree. She can't controle him because she is in denial and he seems to have some sort of disorder. I doubt that even if she aknowledged the problem she could do something about it. I know it's terrible for a parent and it's not her fault, but his safety and life is more important than this relationship or enduring this abuse.

I would also believe that he might control her by isolation. He presents a threat to his parasitic ways and to his control over his mother... so he feels the need to eliminate this threat. At the same time he seems very low function and impulsive, so it's not like he has the restraints to know that killing him or hurting him would eventually put him in jail. He might say he can kill him without being caught but he's not smart cookie and is out of control.

I wouldn't take any of this lightly. This is a serious threat.

If you live together, move out and get a restraining order against him. If he threatens you call the cops, they may bring him to a psych unit or arrest him depending

 

He's not going to change or get help and she just goes along with that. They are a package deal especially if he lives with her. You are the odd man out and if you can't be with him, then you can't be with her. They were this way, are this way and will stay this way.

 

I also agree with this. Police must be called, even if nothing happens everything will all be recorded and proof will be collected in case it is possible to put him away for psychiatric help or jail. I'll call the police every time he threatens you and I'd start moving out like right now.

Wow . 6 Years of that , Its a wonder you are not a quivering wreck . This large nut case does not want you near his mother he wants her for himself to control. you are just in the way. He will kill you have no doubt about it if he feels he is losing his insane battle.

Run for the hills. his mother will never abandon him .

Firstly...

Dancingfool

This is genuine and I have agonised as to where I could get some external feedback on it. I'm 55, not a weak man. Educated in several fields to ultimate level and I know the dangers I am in. Thankyou for your words anyway, theyre appreciated. I'll summarise at the end.

Annia

Its supposed to leave you scared. He seems to get a thrill out of this.

he's not smart cookie and is out of control.

Police must be called, even if nothing happens everything will all be recorded and proof will be collected in case it is possible to put him away for psychiatric help or jail.

You're exactly right. And just to add to the conclusion of this, he also records his rages and threats and plays them back to his subserviants/social circles. This obsession with violence isn't just towards me.

Londonman

does not want you near his mother he wants her for himself to control. you are just in the way.

Yes, perfect. My conclusion too. From day 1 meeting him his manner was Mother-defensive and all I'd done was make a silly joke about computers not being scary at dinner.

Abitbroken.

go away for a weekend and have a relaxing time away from the son but also talk. Tell her that you know that she loves her son and you understand

This again is perfect advice. I tried this. A little time after the very long argument after he had burst into the office threatening me with my life.... My Lady refused to believe that it even happened. She said I don't remember any threats to kill you.

This whole scenario is miserable. Its real, I'm not fake.

Back even in the early days 5 years ago one day he called her to come and collect him in the middle of the countryside. He'd rolled his car on its side, written it off (bought by his mother for him) and we went, got him... and on the way home he suddenly sat there and dominatingly said, "Right. Mum. What are you gonna do about buying me new car?

I was flabberghasted even then.

Amazingly, the Police didn't breathalise him OR check him for cannabis intake or speed which he frequently used as his social circles deal in it.

Last month his Mother opened a joint account in her name and his so that she could keep an eye on his out of control banking which was costing her very much money in overdraught fines.

Now, I hear those who say walk away.....

I heart that.

I am a Christian man.

I have refused to allow the oppressor in this case "Win"!

And , yes, it is an agony and lately having been threatened with my life by this subintellectual sponger last year I wake up in the night furious with that scenario and just do NOT know how to get control. I hate him. Detest is better.

The Police need to be advised but they refuse to be tactful in the situation.

This man is out of control. Thinks he can lean on his families money to bail him out of all situations. The family are very wealthy.

My lady has threatened our relationship if I report him for the crimes he commits against me. She doesn't see MY misery. Just the threat against HIM. But by his own actions? That doesn't matter. Its a threat against him. The country where we live I was told there is a 2 year prison sentence for threatening to take someones life. Unquestioned, no court, straight to jail. no passing go.

I wanted to see if anyone else suffers this degree of physical threat always hovering over their head.

I wanted to see if anyone else suffers the misery of living with someone who looks the other way when it happens.

The son isn't living here but he will visit. And when he does misery always happens.

I have searched the web with the title of this thread desperately trying and trying to find someone who could say, "AH YES..... THSI is what you do. THAT will bring them to their knees/bring them to their senses/take control and make them cower under the Laws rules and restrictions/will make them back off and realise they are in serious trouble.

This oppressor even went into an aviary of mine and snapped the neck of one of my precious very rare large birds in the middle of the night.... just out of spite.

The following day I was told it was killed by the other birds. But the dead ones' neck had an inch of empty neck, its broken vertebrae shattered, and a totally snapped spinal chord. The locks on the aviary hadn't been put back correctly, and one was not even latched because you cannot see the procedure in the dark.

And then the footprints in the soft ground.

I mean....... please. Blatant.

I have searched for advice to solve this. Not suggestions to run from it. I have, as many do, too big a heart to control. I have read threads in here that have cut my heartstrings badly.

And everyone says Men don't cry, men don't suffer......... well, let me tell you, I do.

My Lady is terrified of Cancer as we all would be. I do every little thing to make her smile. She isn't evil at all with me. We have a wonderful life and time. We travel about happily.

And she knows the conflict of this son but finds ways to blame me. I don't do anything. I keep out of the way. I cannot sit in his company even.

He will literally make violence out of a silent situation where I am keeping myself to my self. I keep out of the way in the evenings when he visits. He sees this, he knows why I stay clear and then makes out that he's all "hurt" because I am avoiding him to his mother.

And she turns her back out of earshot, and his mouth is firing of again.

He is not educated. Very subintellectual. Very thick.

His life is insecurities in the extreme. No self esteem. No self confidence. if a situation is one he doesn't like, he becomes offensive and threatening. VERY Loud.

EVERYONE is scared of him. I mean everyone. They all kiss up in fear. I see it. But not me. I never have.

Everyone seems to think he is amazing which sickens me. A great guy. "Good old *****. He's a great guy."

Everyone. The family, friends.... people...... but this other side of him progressively grows darker and more confident and its as if professionally after these 6 years he's honed it to perfection. And gets away with it.

You all talk about leaving or going away or moving out.....

Let me tell you something. When he was coming home for an extended visit, I cannot say why, just a visit, my Lady offered to send me across the planet to another country to do a course for the two months (would have been more) he would stay.

I immediately saw this in his eyes and he would stay home longer. Making a rift between us.

I know she sees the dangers. I know she sees the wronging in his ways. Who wouldn't.

So I hear your advice. And I thankyou all for sitting and writing your words from the bottom of my heart but as I said, I was looking for a golden solution. of course there isn't really one.

I can only see , as was suggested here, catch it on camera, log it all, record it all.

I am ahead of you. I have three hidden video cctv cameras. Inconspicuous microphones. 8 cctv cameras around the ground. And am ready though he is not here now.

I will also see if I can discreetly and confidentially make a report to the Police Authority here.

I thankyou again.

This thread threatens everything I live for if its found.

Unfortunately if that were the case you would be out of there, not installing surveillance devices

I am ahead of you. I have three hidden video cctv cameras. Inconspicuous microphones.

Are you willing to die for this woman?

The Police need to be advised but they refuse to be tactful in the situation.

This man is out of control. Thinks he can lean on his families money to bail him out of all situations. The family are very wealthy.

My lady has threatened our relationship if I report him for the crimes he commits against me. She doesn't see MY misery. Just the threat against HIM. But by his own actions? That doesn't matter. Its a threat against him. The country where we live I was told there is a 2 year prison sentence for threatening to take someones life. Unquestioned, no court, straight to jail. no passing go.

Police being "tactful" - what ever do you mean? Of course they are going to come and arrest him. They are not going to be enablers like your wife.

I think you should have reported him for animal cruelty - the bird was damning proof - but you didn't. GOLDEN opportunity.

She has you cuckolded - you know what - report him. leaving you may be just a threat. In fact, if he gets the help he needs, she may not really end up leaving you. I think she is too cowardly to leave you, but also codependent enough with her son to do so.

Have you considered counseling?

If your lady divorces you because you report her son, then she didn't take her marriage vows seriously. She is supposed to forsake all others and put your well being first, as you are her. If her marriage is not as important as enabling her able bodied son, then in essence, she was crossing her fingers behind her back when she said her vows. She has already somewhat left you already if she is willing to put your life on the line like this.

Seriously, you are just as bad if you refuse to also do something about this. If you live there, you have equal right and responsibilty to do it. Do something before he kills the neighbors pet - since you don't seem to care enough to report the death of yours - or kills you.

Is she willing to change the locks so he cannot enter the house? if she is not, then you best have a brutally honest discussion with her yet again. Preferably, in front of a counselor to actually be heard.

After reading this I cannot for the life of me understand WHY you have not reported him to the authorities and/or got a restraining order. This is such a no brainer and the most obvious step to take. Collect the evidence and report. What am I missing??

After reading this I cannot for the life of me understand WHY you have not reported him to the authorities and/or got a restraining order. This is such a no brainer and the most obvious step to take. Collect the evidence and report. What am I missing??

 

He doesn't want to defy "his lady". She will leave him if he reports the son. I guess he fits right in with their codependent lifestyle

I only read about half of your post to determine that you are in a very abusive and dangerous relationship. Please for the love of God, get your own place and leave this woman and her sick SOB son. In the meantime, you should tell him that if he ever threatens you again you will contact the police (which is something you should have already done by now).

He doesn't want to defy "his lady". She will leave him if he reports the son.

Yeah, I don't get that either. The whole thing is so dysfunctional and something not quite right on "the lady" front either (imo). I'd rather lose "my lady" than end up dead.

Thankyou for the confidence, Capricorn. there's nothing at all dysfunctional except fro the literal "denial" extremities of the situation.

I refer to her as "My Lady" because "My girlfriend" always seems to feel cheap when you're my age. We're not married, though we are common law man and wife and live together so it was purely out of respect for Women that I used the term my lady. My Woman makes me sound domineering and possessive.

OK, then, My Girlfriend. I was trying to be polite as I am sure there are many damaged and distrustful people in this forum who have been dishonoured and disrespected. "Girlfriend" always sounds so teenager and temporary.

The line "Am I willing to die for this woman..." bothers me. No I bloody well am not. Who the hell would? The Son is a psychotic and in my opinion needs flagging to the local authorities because he has violent behavioural issues that need "feeding" and after a lulling phase here where we live when he came home for a while all he did was sit on the sofa playing space invaders online with some kid day after day after day after day.... feed from the refridgerator and now and then did some work around with his mother but even then was mouthy and abusive. He needs sectioning and medicating so that he is safe in society.

He is big, LOUD, mouthy, "I am" self obsessed and when he cannot get his own way or something frustrates him, it either gets smashed or he attacks it violently. if he cannot get his own way he'll "beat up" who ever is stopping him.

It doesn't just end with him, the step-brother, grandmother, uncle and other members of the family have not only driven my poor "Girlfriend" to tears and heartbreak but they threatened to cut her off and nagged her daily to "get rid of me because I was ""poor"" ". oh yes... A jewish family.

So, for some months to appease these s****s I had to live in a flat 20 miles away and visit now and again.

We are together again now.

She is very happy with me and I her. We laufgh and battle the elements of life wonderfully.

I can see her confusion as can you in my words here......

The Police regarding being "tactful".... I went to see them to ask a question and they said, "Youre not really giving us enough to go on." I think they thought I wanted him arrested.

I was simply asking, gasp at this as you will, "How far could I go in a life threatening situation to defend myself from someone who has a mental unregistered mental disorder of violence and hatred?"

Instead of being told how I could defend myself and not self incriminate they assumed I wanted him arrested.

But MY issue is...........

Has anyone else had this case scenario slapped in their face and what did they do. If not I am a one off.

The advice to "Run away" is not in my nature regarding the assessment of our relationship. It would be easy to walk off and leave it all behind but,..... when this s**thead isn't there we have an amazing time. He causes my girlfriend to be broken hearted many times, he is threatening, money-demanding to the point they now share a bank account because he cannot even handle his money properly..... !!!!!! 25 and share an account with Mummy because we cannot cope with real life? Yep, its true.

And its disgusting to sit there and watch your girlfriend stand behind this thug slob while he makes a move to attack me.

Nope.... its sad. I feel no security. But I am a Christian man and do not see myself running from something so beautiful as my relationship (and theyre hard to find eh? ) because of a s**thead who thinks he can scare me off so that he can bleed his mother as a resource privately.

What sickens me about it is that EVERYONE and I mean everyone thinks he's some kind of marvel wonderman. He talks as if all his life so far is his own success and yet the truth of it is he is a paid up Hobo leaching money from his Mother and grandmother by the thousand.

I wish it wasn't this way and its heartbreaking for me now to see it in writing which I never ever have done.

When I see it in plain facts and words it is hearrtbreaking and I feel rterrible and enfuriated but its good to see it finally in words. I'm only a simple person. Just someone you pass by in the street.

I don't think there is a solution is there. I mean even if I beat sense into his thick skull with a bludgeon he'd get up the following day and be exactly as he was. Some people do not see the threat of their actions (re: court, prison etc) and assume that "Mummy" will always be there to the rescue no matter what.

2nd post consecutive....

After reading this I cannot for the life of me understand WHY you have not reported him to the authorities and/or got a restraining order. This is such a no brainer and the most obvious step to take. Collect the evidence and report. What am I missing??

 

I appreciate tis. This is a very important post, as they all are, but this one particularly. It IS a no brainer. It may come in time that I put it all to the test. Do what I should have done a long time ago and make the report. Sheesh.... Women get court orders against violent husbands to stay away for less than this.

I always hope that he will slip up and it will all come out right in the end through his own idiocy. but he's perfected his bullying ways now to the point of professionally making it look like "I" am the bad guy even though "HE" started each scenario of violence and threat.

 

The videos are being accumulated because I refuse to be the one who loses at the end of all this. I know they say videos aren't always evidence in court but I think after being seen it would be difficult to disbelieve.

We shall see. Pray for my safety. I wish I could post his facebook page on here because a psychologist could identify the issues emmediately.

 

As someone said a few years back..... "When did b l o g g i n g and l o g g i n g become b r a g g i n g and s w a g g e r i n g?" If ever there was a page that painted the Enemy in clothes of deceit this would be it.

 

Such a shame all this.

Sounds like a very toxic situation. Seeing as you aren't ready to follow much advice provided here, like leaving or reporting him to the cops, I don't understand what else you want people to tell you.

You mention being a Christian, but Jesus would also expect you to take care of yourself too. Your indecisiveness to take any real action is also not too helpful to your lady and her son.

I also question the wisdom and love your lady shows you. She should be not be subjecting you to this treatment and she should have demanded her delinquint son find some place else to live. She sounds way too passive, and now it is taking a deep toll on you.

As a Christian, I really think you need to evaluate yourself more and build more strength to resolve this matter.

The Police regarding being "tactful".... I went to see them to ask a question and they said, "Youre not really giving us enough to go on." I think they thought I wanted him arrested.

I was simply asking, gasp at this as you will, "How far could I go in a life threatening situation to defend myself from someone who has a mental unregistered mental disorder of violence and hatred?"

Instead of being told how I could defend myself and not self incriminate they assumed I wanted him arrested.

The police are obligated to protect the public and it is their duty to investigate. I suggest you seek out the advice of an attorney or you just flat out go to the police and let them do what they need.

you can't do anything about it, but mom shouldn't be on his account, because it makes her liable for any of his dealings with his own account. If he squanders it away, that's not her business and he can go sofa surf somewhere else. They have a very codependent relationship and you are not about to change it for her.

Why are you not married? I assume because of family nagging and because she would have to choose between you and her son.

The only other possible thing you could do is

a) get a place and invite her to live with YOU under the condition that there is only one bedroom, that the son is not allowed on the premises and will be trespassing if he does. its up to her if she keeps her home and lets him stay there alone or sells it.

b) let yourself be protected by the law. Maybe when he is arrested it will actually be a relief to her. Maybe he will finally get the professional help he needs but mom was too coddling or in denial to get it for him when he was a minor and she could.

c) a combo of B and C. Break up with her. Get your own place. Maybe someday when she sorts it out you'll cross paths again but you should not be in this situation. Find yourself a girlfriend who has good boundaries with her family. You can't live like this.

I have known older couples who had grown kids that have split up because their families could not blend. A good friend of ours was living with a girlfriend and she came with a daughter who was starting college. the girl trashed the house, didn't work, lived in her room with pizza take out and caused $$ damage to the house (and dropped out of college). because the girlfriend would not put her foot down, insist her daughter have a job to live there, send her to college with roomies, etc, they parted ways. They started just dating again recently but he is clear their relationship cannot progress. She is constantly gushing her life savings out to bail out her kids and he won't have it. The ddaughter is 30 now and still living with mom as a slob. She is not depressed - she goes out with different guys and does all sorts of things but is a user and a deadbeat.

Moving out and breaking up - you may feel like the son is winning but that's the only way you stay safe and get any message to her that she will undersrand.

btw, if you get authorities involved, if she breaks up with you, she didn't deserve you in the first place