Love is not enough

Been married for 14 years and our relationship has been a struggle for the past 5. Each year I tell him to improve or something will need to change. I've told him several times that I want a divorce especially if things don't improve. And yet here I am still waiting for things to change. He owns his own company but for the past 6 years has not grown. I'm working hard to pay for everything and it feels like every year I'm fighting the same battles. He doesn't make enough to hire help. These last few months I've lost interest in everything to the point that my job is in jeopardy. I can't keep going like this. I told him at the beginning of the year that things change in 6 months or I'm out. He's trying I will give him that but he's still not listening to me. And now I just find myself so aggravated by everything he does and says that I don't want to be here anymore. He's not going to let me go and I'm gonna have to be a . See all he knows is how to make empty promises. For the past few years that's all I have lived with. I'm done. Love is not enough anymore.

But what exactly do you want him to do?

To find a way of making more money and contribute more financially?

Be aware that he knows you are NOT serious when you tell him you will divorce him. You have been telling him the same thing for years and it's like water off a ducks back. Say it and mean it.

Have you tried marriage counselling. I think that would be the first step. If, after marriage counselling, nothing changes, then serve him with divorce papers and this time, carry it through.

I realize you are in the habit of blaming him, but your job is your responsibility:

These last few months I've lost interest in everything to the point that my job is in jeopardy.

Are you his wife or his mom? Honestly it's hard to tell from reading this. You don't love him as he is, that much is certain. If he's trying to change, what more can he do? Your happiness = your responsibility. Stop blaming him for your misery.

Yes I need him to contribute financially. I make 3x what he does and now we are very possibly going to lose the house. Yes I know I have caused the issue because I never followed through with it. But every time that it would get to that point of me walking out the door he would be begging promising that he would change and that I needed to give him a chance. This is the first time I've given him a timeline up front. Tried counseling long time ago a few years after we were married but not recently. No your right my job is my responsibility and I don't blame him for it I'm only stating the fact that because I have lost interest in our marriage it is causing me problems. He is well aware of the fact that I'm not happy but I don't think he knows I'm serious because as you said I don't follow through. Because I'm too soft I keep thinking that he will change.

I'm confused as to what the problem is. Are you upset because he doesn't make enough money? You say he's trying. Is he an honest and hard worker? Is he lazy? Is his business one which can be grown with more effort, or does it depend on current demand for his services? You're not giving enough information. I can't tell if you're judging him solely for what he can provide to you financially, or if he's doing something wrong.

His business could grow if he tried to learn how to be a business person but he won't. He has no computer skills nor does he understand basic business principals. We've gone over them several times, I've shown him where he needs help and told him what he should do to get help. He's not interested. He would rather I do all of that for him but between my full time job and full time school work I don't have time to be his full time secretary. And he can't afford to pay anyone to help him. When he's supposed to be putting in a fence I find out that he spent hours at the lumber yard instead talking to them because they messed up the order. This is reoccurring. Although we've discussed that he doesn't charge enough he won't up his prices. He doesn't understand what it means to make a profit or how to budget time. He'll stay on a job longer than needed imo. When he works..he works hard. From the people who have been able to help him here and there they tell me he works hard but at most it's 6 hours a day. And he does everything old school..will not use big machine to get the job done quicker.

Working hard is fine and dandy if you're getting paid by the hour. Working independently, you need efficiency, and I don't think you're being unreasonable asking that he pick up a book or two and learn some things. It's not like you've been pushing him to drop his business altogether.

However, my hope is that your go-to solution to all this hasn't been simply threatening divorce. Have you two sat down with a financial adviser? A marriage counselor?

we are very possibly going to lose the house.

Between this and losing interest in the marriage, it sounds like your life is very difficult at the moment. I think you may be looking to your husband to change when you can really only change yourself.

The decision to divorce is not an easy one, but if nothing changes it seems like an inevitability.

Yes I agree

Marriage therapy and/or a private consultation with your own lawyer to discuss your situation and options.

Threatening divorce to coerce change never works as you've seen for the last 5 yrs. What you need is better financial management also. Consult a financial planner and accountant. Insist you look through the books since his debts and assets are your debts and assets legally. For example is he inc. or ltd.?

Also if his cash flow is still chronically deficient see if he can work part time. Why keep making empty divorce threats? See an attorney confidentially and do real things to sever your finances.

I've told him several times that I want a divorce especially if things don't improve. He owns his own company but for the past 6 years has not grown. I'm working hard to pay for everything and it feels like every year I'm fighting the same battles.

I've looked at his finances. We fight about how he keeps them. I've asked him to get financial help. I'm telling him now that the business must close because he won't take running it seriously. We are sole proprietorship. He refuses to work for anyone. And truthfully when he tried to apply for part-time work they wouldn't hire him. I'm not sure why. I tried to help him with interview questions and how to present himself but nothing happens. No call backs.

You don't need his permission to have a private consultation with an attorney, a financial planner and an accountant to inform yourself. You really need advice because you are poorly informed yet nagging him. Sole proprietorship is the simplest and cheapest, it's the worst option.

Stop mommying him it hasn't worked in years and years he just resists you more and more. If "we" are a sole proprietorship,

then you have control over it as well?

I've asked him to get financial help. I'm telling him now that the business must close because he won't take running it seriously. We are sole proprietorship.

"Disadvantages of a Sole Proprietorship

Unlimited personal liability. Because there is no legal separation between you and your business, you can be held personally liable for the debts and obligations of the business. This risk extends to any liabilities incurred because of employee actions.

Hard to raise money. Sole proprietors often face challenges when trying to raise money. Because you can’t sell stock in the business, investors won't often invest. Banks are also hesitant to lend to a sole proprietorship because of a perceived lack of credibility when it comes to repayment if the business fails.

Heavy burden. The flipside of complete control is the burden and pressure it can impose. You alone are ultimately responsible for the successes and failures of your business."

Wow you are correct. I have enabled the situation. I will be contacting some help on my own.