Am I right to be upset?

My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 3 months, we've known each other for over a year. He is 22 and has a lot of friends and likes to go out and drink and have a good time, which I have no problem with cause I like to go out too. Anyways, I am currently living in 2 places. About 3 weeks ago, I moved to an apartment a little over an hour away from the city we live in because I am taking a program at a school in the suburbs. I have class Monday through Thursday so Thursdays after class, I go home and spend Thursday evening through Sunday at home, then Sunday evening go back to the apartment.

I told my boyfriend I was going to be doing this for about 2 years because that's how long the program is before we started dating and he said he was okay with it and we'd spend time together when I came home and if there was ever a weekend I couldn't come home, he'd come out by me. So the first weekend I came home, everything was fine. The next weekend, him and I were going to go to the movies Thursday night. I thought it was just gonna be the 2 of us, but he said his friend and his girlfriend were going to the same movie and wanted to meet me, so I said sure. We met up with them and they ended up sitting by us in the theater. No big deal. Friday we went out to a bar because I had some friends home for spring break that I wanted him to meet. He came and brought a few friends with him. Again, no big deal. Saturday I didn't get to see him because he pulled a late shift at work and Sunday we went to a hockey game together then I went back to my apartment.

This past week, I had a really tough week. School got really hard even though it's only the 2nd week in and I started thinking about if I really made the right choice about what I wanna do in life career wise. I am bad at school and was overthinking about not making it through this program. Alongside that, I just had a bad week in general. I was expecting to go home Thursday and get to spend some time with my boyfriend because I really miss him when I'm away. He spent every night that week with his friends so I was hoping I'd get at least one night to hang out just me and him. Thursday he was having some of his friends and their girlfriends over to his house, so if I didn't go to his house, I wouldn't have seen him, so I went. Friday night, I went out with some of my friends while he was at work. I asked him if he was going to come meet up with us after work and he said no cause he was tired. Then I found out he was with his friends again. On Thursday night, he said we'd do something together Saturday after he got off work. Saturday night comes along and I ask him what we're gonna do and he tells me he's gonna go play pool with some of his friends and that he'd take me to dinner Sunday (today) before I left to go back to my apartment. So today before he picked me up for dinner, he went with his friends to Best Buy. Dropped them off and came to get me and we go out to dinner today and after dinner, my boyfriend asks if I wanna go and meet his friend real quick who I haven't met yet who keeps asking about me, then we could go. I say okay, we go to this kids house, I end up sitting there with my boyfriend and 3 of his friends while they play the new video games they bought earlier. We ended up staying there until I had to go home and get my stuff ready to go. He was gonna drop me off at home and then go back to his friends house to play video games and drink.

So, he drives me home and on the drive home I asked him why we couldn't just hang out me and him at least once this weekend and we ended up getting into a fight because of the ratio of how many times the two of us hang out separately compared to it being us two and his friends. We've hung out more times with his friends than we have just me and him and it's starting to upset me. I don't want to feel like I'm dating him and his friends or like I can't see him unless his friends are there, and I told him that. It's not that I don't want to meet his friends, cause I do. I love meeting them. It's not that I never want to hang out with them. It's just that I never get to see my boyfriend without them being there.

What I wanna know is if I'm in the wrong for feeling like this? Cause in the car, we were fighting and then we just stopped talking. When we got to my house, he said "have a safe trip" and I said "thanks" and got out and that was about it. We haven't spoken to each other and I'm afraid he's not gonna talk this out with me. Normally when we get into little tiny fights and they're my fault, I admit it was my fault, say sorry, and we move past it. Is this one my fault? I just wanna spend one night with just him, considering now I have limited time to see him when I come home.

Also, what should I do if he doesn't talk to me? I doubt he is gonna say anything to me tonight and I'm scared he's not gonna talk this out with me. Am I wrong? What should I do?

Learning how to express needs, fight constructively and make up after an argument are key skills for every couple. This relationship is still very new, and to me it's a bit concerning that he isn't prioritizing you more. However, if you had never before even talked about spending time along together vs. spending time with friends, how can you be upset? Was he supposed to guess what you were thinking/feeling? It concerns me that this went from 0 to fight, when there could have been a level-headed discussion.

Right or wrong, your feelings are your feelings. A better question is, what's the next step? You could stay angry and wait to see if he apologizes first, you could apologize to him, or you could walk away. Which of those choices will help you grow most?

Looks like you're more upset about being ditched, on a day out you BOTH planned together, for hanging with his friends instead. Not cool. I would be upset as well. Breaking plans intentionally like that with no good reason is not respectful. I would approach a conversation about being considerate of your time when you make plans you two agreed upon in advance. It's just plain rude to cancel like that.

Concerning the amount of time spent with friends, I ask how much time do you want to spend alone with him? Then ask him how much time does he want to spend with friends? Four days a week is a lot of time spent together, alone. Dividing it up in a better fashion may help if each person understands what's needed for them individually.

If he prefers to spend time with you along with friends, you have a bigger issue than figuring out who was at fault for the fight.

Few things here.

1. Only being available during his most social days isn't his choice, it's yours. It looks like that means you're going to have to deal with a fair bit of hanging out with him and friends if you wanna be spending however many full days with him... which I'm not quite sure how you're finding the time to do so considering you're in school. You should be getting some studying in on your weekends and hanging out with your own friends and family.

2. It sounds like he is in fact taking you on dates. You write openly about dinners and such. You simply want to keep hanging around outside of them as well.

3. You're essentially a willing passenger. I don't see you doing much planning aside from asking him the day prior if he'd like to go out with your friends... which, if we're talking mainly women, I can see why he'd elect to go with his friends as they seem pretty inclusive. Can't really complain where he steers things when you seem keen to leave him at the wheel.

All this picking you up and driving you around... is he being the one required to transport you as well?

Maybe I'm in the minority, but things are still very fresh and it really does sound to me like he's doing a good job incorporating dates while not putting his typical social life on hold, and it sounds like he's maybe even beeing too accommodating in letting you tag along to pretty much everything.

1. You're right, I know I have to deal with hanging out with him and his friends since I chose to go away to school. Also, I manage my time pretty well, I come home on the weekends and see my family and my few friends that are home. The rest are all away at universities out of state whereas I'm only an hour away from my home. Considering I don't have any friends out where I live, I basically live and breathe school. Studying isn't an issue, I do well in school.

2. Yes we go on dates, but my issue was he would tell me it was a date and then wouldn't tell me that his friends were gonna be there. Like one time he asked me on a movie date with him and when we got there said "Oh yeah I forgot to tell you so-and-so is meeting us". You can't tell me his friends have to come EVERYWHERE with us.

3. Every time I have tried to make plans with him, he's either been busy or cancelled. So I have tried but now it's gotten to the point where I get shut down so much that I don't know what to do. And no, he is not always driving me around. Rarely does he drive me, it's actually the complete opposite because he does not currently have a car and I do. He only drives me on rare occasions when his parents are not using one of their cars.

But I agree, I think he is being too accommodating. I have actually told him that he needs to hang out with his friends without me sometimes so they can have their "guy time".

". I am bad at school and was overthinking about not making it through this program."

Not true. Don't say you're bad at something like this. Say, "I'm gonna be good at this come hell or high water!"

"So, he drives me home and on the drive home I asked him why we couldn't just hang out me and him at least once this weekend and we ended up getting into a fight because of the ratio of how many times the two of us hang out separately compared to it being us two and his friends. "

This confirms to me that this guy has no idea what's going on. He clearly has invalidated your feelings by acting as if you're the one with the problem. I'm not sure why that would be the case, but there are a number of possibilities.

a) He lacks the ability to put himself in other people's shoes

b) He doesn't care that much about you, and so he's going to do what he wants whether you like it or not

c) He is someone who is simply selfish in this way such that you should want to do whatever he wants to do

d) He has some sort of problem with being alone with you

I personally think you need to break up with him. The guy is being a douche. Break up with him and see if he pleads. If he doesn't, then breaking up with him was the perfect thing to do. If he does, then you can consider his case.

He spent every night that week with his friends so I was hoping I'd get at least one night to hang out just me and him.

 

So, he drives me home and on the drive home I asked him why we couldn't just hang out me and him at least once this weekend and we ended up getting into a fight because of the ratio of how many times the two of us hang out separately compared to it being us two and his friends.

Whatever he did to get you (into a relationship), he needs to continue doing to keep you. What was going on when you were in the dating phase? Was it always with his friends, or was it mostly just the two of you?

If he's changed after officially becoming your bf, then he could be now showing his true colors, and you'll have to re-evaluate being with him. If he was doing the same thing by hanging out with friends while dating you, then the situation rests on your shoulders expecting things to now be different.