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Terrified of this feeling


Capttrae

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I can't do this, as much as I want to let myself feel again, let myself love again, that's just a hella big risk, yes when I was with her things felt just right and I felt like I hadn't in years and all that is well and good but I can not will not let myself feel again, feeling means opening myself back up to possibly being hurt again. All this scares the hell out of me, what happens if I let myself feel and I let her in, worse than that, what if I don't let myself feel again and push her away? There's no good answer to this that I can see. Open up and trust her not to shred my heart or push her away and forget about the possibility of what very well could be my happy ending.

I'm not confused about what I want, I want her and us but dear lord these feelings are all out of wack with my normal calm personality, I actually miss this girl, I don't miss anyone like ever, it's just the nature of my work, I'm gone, I don't think about missing folks but yet here I am actually missing her. Acting like some teenager that's infatuated for the first time. What's worse is I'm actually feeling hope for the first time in ages, hope that something in my life might actually turn out right for once.

For the past couple years there's been so very little happiness in my life, I'm watching my mom die and suffer with cancer not being able to do squat about it except just feel useless and I've blocked everyone out, hell I didn't even enjoy deer or really duck season for the past couple years, just something to do. I didn't even realize how bad it was affecting me untill after deer season and Ron set me down and told me I was a mess but what am I suspposed to do just pretend everything is hunkyfndory when it's not? I've tried to fake it. Now she comes along and totally turns my life upside down and inside out and I knew within just a few hours of being with her that a part of me that I hadn't known was missing had just clicked on to place. I can't tell her that, it's too soon and I don't want to sound like some sappy love song. But my god what I wouldn't do to be able to lay down next to her and go to sleep and wake up at 2am roll over look at her sleeping, pull her a little closer, kiss her neck and go back to sleep knowing I'm home.

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1. How long have you known her?

2. How often do you talk/hang out?

3. Have you had sex?

4. Has she made it clear that SHE likes you?

5. What's wrong with spending time but NOT opening up yet?

 

I feel like you're making this more difficult than it has to be. It's cool to just casually date or hang out, and see where things go.

 

P.S. Sorry about your mom.

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1. How long have you known her?

2. How often do you talk/hang out?

3. Have you had sex?

4. Has she made it clear that SHE likes you?

5. What's wrong with spending time but NOT opening up yet?

 

I feel like you're making this more difficult than it has to be. It's cool to just casually date or hang out, and see where things go.

 

P.S. Sorry about your mom.

 

1) known her 10 years

2) we talk a few mins every day if possible unless I'm offshore then I don't have phone service

3) lol yea we've had sex plenty

4) yes she's made it very clear that she likes me

5) bc I can't half ass things just not in my nature

Yes I'm prolly over thinking things, just still hard to believe it's really happening

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1) known her 10 years

2) we talk a few mins every day if possible unless I'm offshore then I don't have phone service

3) lol yea we've had sex plenty

4) yes she's made it very clear that she likes me

5) bc I can't half ass things just not in my nature

Yes I'm prolly over thinking things, just still hard to believe it's really happening

 

Oh ok. So this is not a NEW girl by ANY means. In that case, what are you WAITING FOR? You should BE ALL IN! You can't live your life in fear of being hurt again. That shows that you don't have faith in her OR this. As long as nobody screws it up, you should be great!

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Try to think positive. Life isn't always bad and maybe this is finally your time.

We all have to take risks, that's life, otherwise there is no meaning.

Your record for surviving the worst, is 100%...don't forget that.

Take a deep breath, believe in the good and allow yourself to finally feel happy again.

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Oh ok. So this is not a NEW girl by ANY means. In that case, what are you WAITING FOR? You should BE ALL IN! You can't live your life in fear of being hurt again. That shows that you don't have faith in her OR this. As long as nobody screws it up, you should be great!

 

AMEN!!!!! I'm workin on it

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Cap, remind yourself that we've all had our heart broken, at some point, and we've all survived.

 

Sure, heartbreak is a lousy time, but we each get to decide whether our experiences will make us shrivel up and live small, or whether they've proven our actual resilience so that we can live large--and hopefully make a better go of it next time.

 

When you're in hell, don't stop and stay there. Push forward and switch the critical voice you run in your head to the voice of an inspiring coach, instead. If things don't work out, you can either make it a tragedy, or you can be proud of your courage and coach yourself through healing in a way that's far, far easier this time.

 

Careful not to get trapped inside your own stories. You get to change your character from a victim to a hero at any time.

 

Head high.

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