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Thread: When it gets dark, look for the stars...

  1. #21
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    Mar 2017
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    Heartbreak, it starts slow at first and then hits all at once...

    You know the feeling right? When you see or hear something that absolutely shatters your heart and you can literally feel it break into a thousand pieces? If you haven't felt it, I honestly pray you never do. I feel sick to my stomach. Love? ha, that obviously means nothing to most people nowadays. How could you just give up on someone when you say you "love" them? How could you give up so easy? These life lessons are tearing my heart out. I know they always happen for a reason but this hurts. This is the kind of hurt that takes your breath away and takes a while to kick in. It doesn't hit straight away, but when it does, nothing feels worse. You just find yourself staring into space, the silence just gets uncomfortably loud. And you aren't 100% sure if you're going to throw up or cry your heart out first. I've been through stuff before, but this is absolute agony, it tops it all... Please, please just save me from myself.

  2. #22
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    Mar 2017
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    Don't be afraid...

    I hate this, I hate not feeling good enough. Why does this always happen, every single time. Iím so so sick of not being good enough. This isnít love, not on his part. I get it, he really doesnít care does he. No guy that actually loves you lets you feel this way. Maybe its time to take a step back. I just want someone to fight for me, just once. Thatís it. Just one time. I want him to fight for me, but I guess everything happens for a reason doesnít it. And I guess you just have to let the universe guide you sometimes. I hate this part. I hate the hurt. Why canít he see Iím so completely in love with him. Why canít he see Iím willing to give him the absolute world. But I guess you canít make someone love you. You canít make people feel things for you. If he can let you go to sleep upset, I guess he just isnít the one. That absolutely kills me to say, it makes me feel sick to my stomach. But the truth hurts. Its so much easier to lie to yourself. To tell yourself they care just so you donít spend weeks feeling sick and making excuses for them. The truth is, donít make excuses for anyone. No one has a gun to their head. They act on their own behalf. So honestly if someone treats you like crap, donít give them an excuse. The way people treat you is a reflection of how they feel. That hurts, it hurts a lot to accept it, but hurting yourself with the truth now makes the hurt easier in the long run. Trust me, Iíve been there time and time before. I feel so ill, I canít deny that. I feel like Iím about to throw up in all honesty. But weíre allowed to feel. So throw up, cry your eyes out and completely let yourself fall apart if you must. I have to be honest, itís so easy to sit here behind a laptop screen and throw out advice to the world, but in all honesty, Iím terrified to cry. Iím terrified to let myself feel. Because that one person whoís your biggest weakness could tear you apart in a matter of seconds. But if they canít even call you or tell you they want you and that everything is okay or that they love you and donít want to let you go to sleep upset, if they canít do that, it isnít love. Believe me. This is absolutely tearing me apart, just accepting he literally doesnít want me. The hardest part is knowing he promised heíd never hurt me. Never believe anyone who says that. Ever. Life isnít a fairy tale. It isnít Prince Charming on a white horse galloping to your rescue to tell you everything is going to be alright. It isnít like a movie. Its hard and it hurts sometimes, thatís just the reality of it. But the way you deal with it affects everything. Just donít lie to yourself. Donít sugar coat a situation just for your temporary comfort. The best remedy is to be honest with yourself. Its to see the facts and not give anyone an excuse for their crap behaviour. Once you learn to admit the truth to yourself, eventually youíll be free. Donít be afraid.
    Last edited by ExoticDance; 11-14-2018 at 09:52 PM.

  3. #23
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    Mar 2017
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    How can you possibly save yourself from yourself..?

    The silence is so loud in my head, it's like a thousand waves crashing all at once. But on the outside, I do nothing but stare blankly. Why are we, as humans, so renowned for chasing this pain? For throwing away our own feelings for the sake of a situation?! Stupidity mainly I guess... There's no other possible way to describe myself than just a complete mess. I can't do this.

  4. #24
    Frazen's Avatar
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    Jan 2019
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    Hey ExoticDance. I'm new to this forum and I'm not sure if it's alright to post in your journal, but just wanted to let you know that I read it. It resonated with me and was a beautiful geyser of feelings. Recently I feel as if I'm cut off from every one's emotions. I really want to feel them but they show me only poker faces or shallow feelings, which seriously is not enough to feed my need for feeling others. I have antlers, I walk on the streets longing for seeing pure and strong emotions. But they show me nothing. That's why I registered and found your journal. I really liked your post about being "high as a kite" and feeling maddeningly good... reminded me of some old feelings that I really cherish. Wishing you the best.

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