In need of advice

Hi,

Long time reader of these boards (dating back to breakups about 10 years ago haha) but first time poster. I apologise in advance for this, I can get pretty wordy.

To give a bit of a back story. I've a male best friend, both in mid 20s. We've been best friends for about three years now and are generally inseparable. When we're not together we're generally texting and until this month haven't gone a week without seeing each other in this time.

He's a super lovely guy and other than my family he's my favourite person in the world and he's told me the same too. We both love each other dearly and have said it on many occasions.

I went through a bad break up about 4 years ago and haven't been overly interested in pursuing one again but I have been seeing to a couple of guys during this time, though it never really went anywhere. My best friend always found faults in each and every one of them and one in particular he hated. He didn't so much as give me an ultimatum but said he would've hated if I chose the guy over him (eventually nothing happened with the guy so it didn't come to that, but he was visibly upset about this) and was happy when nothing came of it.

He's pretty much a sex maniac and does sleep with a lot of girls, up until now it's been just meaningless sex so I've never felt any twinge of jealousy because I've always felt secure that I was the most important girl to him. In the past we've also done sexual things, but that became much less with the years going on. We've always been pretty flirty but we both seemed to just be happy with being best friends, and both have agreed that our relationship has been deeper than any actual bf-gf relationship we've been in.

In comes a girl, they've known each other since the start of this year. This girl has a boyfriend but has no qualms about flirting and sexting my friend and ultimately cheating on her boyfriend with him (I know this is bad of both of them) and my friend knows I was really disappointed in him for this. But he always said it was nothing to worry about and he didn't really care for her, basically just liked that a pretty girl was giving him attention. About a month ago I asked him if she broke up with her boyfriend would he ask her out, and he said he might. And my whole secure world basically imploded. I never thought I would lose him, and especially not to a girl who cheated (I've probably demonised her in my head for it and I'm sure she's actually quite nice) and became upset. I realised that I pretty much have feelings for him and don't want to lose him. I know this is totally selfish of me and horrible timing but it took nearly losing him to knock my little happy world. At this time he promised again he wouldn't go out with her and wouldn't let some girl come in between us and properly cried at the thought of losing me when I told him I wasn't sure if I could handle being friends with him if he went out with her.

This all happened a month ago and since then he's properly been in the honeymoon stages of this relationship. And I've taken a step back because of this. He's still super friendly and we'll hang out about twice a week but only if she's busy but I can tell he's making an effort to make me feel like I'm still important to him. And I've tried my best to put on a happy face for him and not let him know that it's hurting me.

We booked a holiday together to a pretty romantic place about six weeks ago (just the two of us) and it's coming up next week. And according to him the girl is perfectly okay with this. Given her history of cheating (I've never cheated on anybody and wouldn't do that) I would've thought she'd be more insecure about it? Especially just a month into seeing him? And he told me this week that she wants to meet me, his best friend he keeps talking about...do I do it? Do I tell him on holiday that I'd like to make a go of it properly?

Ultimately I'd want me and my friend to be together and we have joked about it in the past but I also realise that this girl could be the love of his life and I wouldn't want to stand in the way of this. After our holiday away together do I pull back? Either he'll miss me and realise that he doesn't actually want to lose me or he'll go full steam ahead into this new relationship?

He's starting a new job in a couple of months that will be pretty hectic and the whole reason she cheated on the ex was that he wasn't paying her enough attention and I'm worried that she'll do it to my friend as well and I don't want him to get hurt. My sister thinks that he just wants his cake and eat it too and he's generally pretty used to getting what he wants.

Basically my life is just a sham atm and wanted somewhere to vent haha. Please don't call me a horrible person for having feelings for him when he's obviously in the honeymoon stage with this other girl. Do I just try to bury my feelings for him?

What a waste of your time and romantic dating years you've been spending on this player that keeps you around for a bit of tom-foolery, a whole lot of emotional devotion and whatever else he happens to be getting out of this without a commitment.

Tell him how you feel before you go away and end up being his bed buddy while away only for him to pursue this other girl while he maintains your unwavering devotion. If he doesn't feel the same way then you will be miserable the whole time you are away. Just like you're going to be miserable the whole time you're away if you DON'T tell him how you feel.

It's clear why your dating pursuits haven't panned out to anything. How could they when you're emotionally involved with a player? Platonic relationship boundaries have been crossed and now you're in an addiction to a guy that is pursuing someone new. Find out if he's interested in anything other then this emotional addiction you two are in and put an end to the limbo you've created for yourself. All in or all out. (which means no more friendship with someone you actually want more with)

Let us know what he says when you let him know how you feel.

For the record... I don't know how you would be able to trust someone that plays around like he does anyway but I'm not you so good luck.

He told her you're just a friend and that the trip was already booked just like he's telling you she's ok with this.

We booked a holiday together to a pretty romantic place about six weeks ago (just the two of us) and it's coming up next week. And according to him the girl is perfectly okay with this.