Advice please on the best way to respond to first contact from an ex after years

Hi,

I would like some advice on how to respond to an ex who just got in touch with me about 2.5 years after we broke up. She broke up with me, I was devastated, went through hell and in the last few months have really started to feel myself again.

She emailed me today to ask for photos from our time together because her old laptop has been destroyed. I really dont know how to respond. She didnt ask me how I was or anything which sort of hurt, although she did add at the end she hopes I am well, and was sorry to ask me.

I think she genuinely just wants photos but I am hurt that after all this time, she didnt bother to even ask how I am. Seeing an email from her in my inbox is still a surprisingly emotional event, I was shocked to see it, and I guess a little part of me wanted to open it and see that she wanted to talk again, but it was just asking for photos. So here I am starting to recover from the worst heartbreak of my life, get an email from her, and now my head and heart is a bit of a mess again (not as much as it would of been 1.5 years ago), but to see the message is just to replace her lost photos stings a little.

Anyway, I am genuinely bewildered about how to respond, and would appreciate some advice. She is a good person, and in a way I want to send them to her but it will hurt going through them, but also she didnt bother to ask how I am, or even start a conversation first before just asking me for something, so part of just wants to ignore the message.

I'd ignore her.

She broke up with you, and then contacts you two years later and doesn't even ask how you're doing? Forget that. You're finally healing and she selfishly opened up your wound.

What type of photos are so important that she needs to have them? Everyone has a camera phone these days, I'm sure she can acquire new ones.

Delete and don't even think of her. She doesn't deserve the time of day.

Good luck.

I would not read into her not asking 'How are you?'

Instead, she wrote that she hopes you are well, as that doesn't oblige you into answering the question or having a deep and meaningful back and forth about how you are both doing. Or worse, to have small-talk

So in a way, she probably think she is being respectful to you by not asking how you are doing. It's not that she does not care.

From her, there is no easy way to approach you without being criticised. But you say she is a good person and there is no animosity, so why not send the photos without going through them all? Is there a way to do that?

Sorry that you are having to hear from her though, that must suck when you are healing and only just getting back on track. Keep moving forwards though and don't think of this as a set back. It's just a temporary event.

she doesn't owe you anything...

i know that can be a tough pill to swallow. and even after years, people who were important parts of our lives still carry emotional weight. i can't imagine it any other way, to be honest.

i'd probably feel the same way as you, and would elect not to respond. as much as she doesn't owe you anything...you don't owe her anything either. maybe down the road you'll feel differently...and you can always elect to respond then. but for now...considering where you're at...maybe it's best not to dredge up your past.

Obviously she has no concern for your feelings, which makes this all about her. The breakup was her choice, therefore by the same token these are her consequences.

Don't take the bait, and never agree to be someone's sloppy seconds.

If it would upset you to get the photos for her and send them to her, then dont do it. If you could do it without feeling lousy, then give her what she's asked for and move on. No matter what you choose, it's time to block her email address so she cant write to you again.

The bottom line is this, outside of children and financial debts, one does not owe an ex anything. Not a hi, not a get away from me, definitely not an "Oh hey, I want something from you, because I lost mine." And really, come on, the laptop can't be the only place she stored photos.

You can handled this one of several ways - if you have something like a folder of pics electronically and it would take you all of two seconds to send without even looking at then sure, pop those babies on to her FB or send an email and be done with it. A "Here you go," and then you block her right after that so you don't see or get anymore responses from her and can't be there to be asked for "just one more favor."

OR if this is going to cost you time, money, and heartache to have to stop your own life to go round up a bunch of pics, mail them off, and she is not even offering to compensate you for it then I'm sorry, but you owe her jack. Block and delete her and don't answer, because again this is not worth your time. It is not your problem or fault she got her laptop stolen and you should not have to put your own life on hold to be of service to someone who decided they did not want you in their life.

Time and money and resources are valuable, they should be given to the people and things in our lives that currently matter. You don't owe her for pics that really can't be that important to her if she couldn't even preface it with a how are you, just a demand. That's pretty rude I think. So no, you don't owe her if it will affect your life negatively.

Send the photos, or don't. Either way doesn't require further communication and you can be leave the past behind.

This is why you should delete and block.

Ignore, and move on with your life.

If the photos if your guys' time together were important, she would have backed them up.

If you want to be a big man, send them. If its painful, dont. No shame in that.

Is the issue the photos or the fact that she didn't ask how you are doing? Put on your big boy pants, send the photos, and go back to living your life. Forgive her and move on.

Sorry to hear this. She may want the photos or she was just dumped by someone and is backtracking through the blackbook for male contact/attention.

Are you seeing someone? Although you are not a Cloud storage service, you could just send the files without a word or if you are curious, ask how she's doing... but that may make this worse, such as hearing "I'm engaged!".

Don't let it spook you. People from your past can and often do pop up. The question is, why? So it's up to you to either ignore it, just send the files or try to ask how she's doing.

She emailed me today to ask for photos from our time together because her old laptop has been destroyed. after all this time, she didnt bother to even ask how I am. I am genuinely bewildered about how to respond, and would appreciate some advice.

FWIW, I think that I understand why it bothers you that she neglected to even greet you kindly or inquire as to your well-being. After reading your initial post, her contact seems awfully cavalier toward you and the relationship you once shared.

I agree with the others - you should do what you need to do for your healing and recovery, first and foremost. You sound like a genuinely considerate person, but I think that you would be best served by erring on the side of being particularly gentle with you.

Ultimately, I don't think that you can make a wrong decision in this. I really hope you put her and her agenda out of your focus and block her from contacting you, again, but if you are not comfortable with that, I admire your graciousness.

Good luck, whatever you decide to do.

I'd be too curious to ignore her. If she broke up with you, why would she even want photos of the times when you were together. Is this her weird way of trying to see where your feelings are towards her? Is there something she's looking for specifically and if so what and why? I'd maybe send a one word reply..."Why"?

I'd sugest finding those photos, deleting them (or burning them if they are physical) and forgetting about the email.

I'd send a new photo. One where I was giving her the bird. Send that one.

Why does she think you would still have them? That smacks of entitlement!...If you want to be bothered speaking to her after all this time, I'd reply and say you no longer have them. If you want to open dialogue, I'd add a hope you are well?....however you have come on a long way and yes this sounds really selfish of her to reopen old wounds. Maybe this is her way of opening a conversation, but jeez it is a bit callous.....