did I date a narcissist?

hello everyone. long story short, i was wondering if i had dated a narcissist.

i met him October of 2016 at a school event. we didn't talk there or anything. my friend made a group chat with all of us included and he ended up privately asking me if we could get to know each other. in his message he said that "I'm really pretty and funny". we met up for the first time alone and we took a walk, he was very sweet and gentle and at the end he kissed me. I kinda knew it was too fast but I enjoyed the affection. note that this was only 4-5 days after meeting him.

10 days later he invited me to his house, made me meet his parents and asked me to be his girlfriend. it was way too fast but I've never dated before so I was happy. he would fish me with compliments, always made sure I was comfortable, was very touchy feely, etc.

well fast forward one month and I was very happy. he treated me like a princess. he said i love you one month into the relationship. again, i didn't think anything of it.

he had a bad relationship with his parents and would always blame them when he had a problem. he has a problem with smoking so I asked him to stop smoking. well, he said he would stop but he lied!! he never stopped. very often he would be upset because of his parents "they're too strict" "won't let me go out and have fun". so i was there for him. whenever i was upset he would tell me to "chill out" "you're overreacting". it was really annoying.

fast forward to January he stopped the compliments, stopped saying i love you and i was the only one who initiated plans. he told me he has depression so I just thought it was because he was depressed. well, in the beginning of February he broke up with me because "it's not working" "we're too completely different people". there was nothing wrong in the relationship! we agreed to be friends but I noticed he never wanted to talk to me! he asked to be friends with benefits so I agreed and he suddenly showed a high amount of interest in me. before he said "I lost feelings" and then it was "it's not that I don't have feelings for you, I just don't wanna date" it made me so confused! well, his friend who was a girl confessed her feelings to him and he automatically went and jumped into a relationship with her. After, he said "i don't care how you feel" "you're dead to me" "we were a mistake" I'm doing no contact right now. i didnt know this was the person he really was. we were fine then 2 weeks later he goes and jumps into a new relationship and dumps me like trash! Narcissist or just a very confused boy?? please help.

It sounds like you dodge a bullet. He sounds immature and bratty. You can do a lot better than this player.

It sounds like you dodge a bullet. He sounds immature and bratty. You can do a lot better than this player.

I hope so. it is hard to get over since this is my first relationship and I always think about when he treated me so nicely...

No I don't think he's a narcissist. When people get dumped it's almost the go too catch-phrase, but it isn't. He might have thought you were a bit controlling with the whole "Stop smoking thing". It sounds like he does not like to be told what to do from his parents either. I don't think he was a good match for you.

No I don't think he's a narcissist. When people get dumped it's almost the go too catch-phrase, but it isn't. He might have thought you were a bit controlling with the whole "Stop smoking thing". It sounds like he does not like to be told what to do from his parents either. I don't think he was a good match for you.

Apparently half the population are narcissists according to people with absolutely no idea what a narcissist is.

Move on and don't look into it too much, you were clearly not compatible.

Yes, kinda odd, immature behaviour... you don't want someone like him.. right?

As for wanting him to quit smoking.. that you can NOT control. Whether you say he 'lied' to you saying he quit or not, fact is.. is it's addictive and if you meet up with someone who does something like this.. big chance they will NOT 'change' for you.

So- either you accept what is.. or you have the choice to walk from it.

This guy is no loss. He's got some issue's as you now realize.

So, avoid and keep away from now on. Work on getting yourself back together from this experience and look at finding someone out there in this world who you can get along better with.

And No, often you cannot be 'friends' with an Ex. Especially if those 'feelings' are still there.

I feel he only wanted to use you and once he realized you were wanting him to change and start giving more attention, etc, is when he bolted.

Proves to you he is NOT for you.

Sounds like he got tired of you mothering him. Then I'm assuming you kept trying to keep contact with him despite his "let's be friends" being the well-known and standard soft break-up line. That's when he got nasty to drive you off.

Just let it go. "Narcissism" does seem to be the flavor of the past year in terms of amateur diagnoses.

He sounds like a messed up jerk to me. You became a booty call to him and when this other girl came along, well you are gone and he's with her...so be glad he's not part of your life. Look for a nicer guy in your area and view this as a learning experience.

Just sounds like a a bit of a jerk to me or just someone who is more in love with the idea of love, who has infatuations that burn hot one moment then out the next. Which happens a lot sometimes when one is young, so really we can't hold that against anyone too much in the early years of the life. In a 50 year old, different story, but that's not this kid.

Also you also should not have had to do any mothering of a grown-@ss man. Never do that. Either they are mature enough or you like them well enough just as is and you don't have to treat them like a wayward child or tell them something bad for them is bad for them OR you end things and walk away and find an adult who doesn't need to be babied or told what to do, because they know what and how to treat people and what is or isn't good for them. Without having to be told.

Be careful with labels, because they're easy to overuse and a real narcissist is someone that can usually hide things pretty well, plus you will see far, far bigger red flags than what you describe there. This just sounds like an immature kid who hasn't yet figured out how to treat people well. He may or may not grow up at some point, but life is too short to wait around and see if he does.

Bottom line it didn't work out, he's an ex, it's time to heal and move on and not worry whether he was a this or a that. The term, "EX" pretty much says everything anyone needs to know about this guy - I.e. it didn't work out for you.

This doesn't sound like a narcissist, no. A d**khead? Yep.

Not a narcissist. A bit of a jerk. But yes, you were a little controlling with the smoking thing.

It's not helpful to try to diagnose exes. Most people are not our match, and all you need to know is that he was crappy to you and you deserve better.

Head high, and don't ever stay with anyone who is crappy to you.

Agree. Every ex is either a "psycho" or a "narcissist"