shes playing hard to get i think!!

we're both 20, on a night out I bumped into this random girl we kissed in the nightclub and spent the rest of the night chatting, even going back to hers but instead of taking things further we stayed up all night talking (don't think shes a one night-stand type of girl). we snapchatted for a while then I asked her out (her friend told mine that she like me) she agreed and we went for dinner! the date went well, no awkward moments! we exchanged numbers and I texted saying had a great time, do it again to which she agreed! this all sounds really good, but my only problem is she never ever initiates any contact first I always text first, feel like if I didn't text her for a few days everything just fizzle out!!

She could be introvert.

Ok things are going good, but lay back on the texting. It's an attraction killer and too friendzoney.

Instead, set up dates and talk about that.

It sounds like she expects the man to take the lead and doesn't want to appear clingy.

the date went well, no awkward moments! we exchanged numbers and I texted saying had a great time, do it again to which she agreed! feel like if I didn't text her for a few days everything just fizzle out!!

but say there isn't the opportunity for another date for a week, should I just avoid contact till a couple days before I'm available and just text to arrange something! not used to dealing with a girl like this, used to the girls being really clingly and always wanting to text

Ahhhh... the fine dance of when to text, how often to text, who should text first. This is the time to play it cool.

Wait a few days, don't worry about things fizzling out.

Pretend you are playing tennis. Make sure you serve all the time (majority of women like men who initiate) but she should also return the ball to your court too. Don't serve another ball until she returns the first ball first.

My instincts: not an introvert because of how well the conversation goes when you are face to face, even at first meet.

Therefore I recommend:

Keep initiating. That will change as she comes to trust you. Some of us were raised not to initiate, ever. Then when we challenge that silly gender gap training, and we initiate, some guy comes along and tells us that because we initiate, guys think we are too easy. Until women and men are just people, there will be this silliness in the beginning. She is looking at you as a guy, not as a human, and guys are treated with suspicion until they have proven themselves.

Sorry. As you continue to get comfortable with each other you could ask her to initiate.

but say there isn't the opportunity for another date for a week, should I just avoid contact till a couple days before I'm available and just text to arrange something! not used to dealing with a girl like this, used to the girls being really clingly and always wanting to text

Even so, OP, Wiseman's absolutely bang on, in my opinion.

You may be putting her off in your avid texting, alone.

Ahhhh... the fine dance of when to text, how often to text, who should text first. This is the time to play it cool.

Wait a few days, don't worry about things fizzling out.

 

Pretend you are playing tennis. Make sure you serve all the time (majority of women like men who initiate) but she should also return the ball to your court too. Don't serve another ball until she returns the first ball first.

I agree with this.... it has to come from both sides if both ARE interested. Not to remain all one sided.

A relationship takes 2.

My instincts: not an introvert because of how well the conversation goes when you are face to face, even at first meet.

 

Therefore I recommend:

Keep initiating. That will change as she comes to trust you. Some of us were raised not to initiate, ever. Then when we challenge that silly gender gap training, and we initiate, some guy comes along and tells us that because we initiate, guys think we are too easy. Until women and men are just people, there will be this silliness in the beginning. She is looking at you as a guy, not as a human, and guys are treated with suspicion until they have proven themselves.

 

Sorry. As you continue to get comfortable with each other you could ask her to initiate.

Oh yes - Wiseman is right as well. Its good to be a little quiet between texts. You two are relatively inexperienced. It helps to say what you want, and to manage your own effort so you remain in balance.

I went through this a couple of years ago. She agreed to go out with me but never contacted me first whether it was phone or text. And I am sorry since I am expected to pay on dates, I am not going to arrange a date with someone who is not showing interest without me contacting her first.

So OP I get how you are feeling.

For the first little bit of dating it's fine to make the moves, but if a woman is interested she needs to start putting something into the relationship and date planning too. I mean, if all you ever do is make the first move, pay for everything, and she just sits there like a lump that can't be much fun. I can't think of a more boring partner, frankly.

Maybe try this and call her and say something like, "Hey, I realize I always am the one making the dates, but I don't want to seem like it's all only about me. Why don't you plan this next date then call me when you decide on something you'd really like to do?" It leaves the ball in her court, it lets her know it's okay to reach out to you, and it's a way to see if she's really into you and can be an equal or if she's one of those people that are either so passive or so afraid to be themselves that they go out of their way never to originate anything.

I've dated people where I had to do everything and those didn't last long, because you want an active participant who can hold their own, not a person that only comes to life when you flip the switch on the wall, so to speak. Sorry if the analogy doesn't work, but I used to kind of feel like that with some people. And it's exhausting.

For the first little bit of dating it's fine to make the moves, but if a woman is interested she needs to start putting something into the relationship and date planning too. I mean, if all you ever do is make the first move, pay for everything, and she just sits there like a lump that can't be much fun. I can't think of a more boring partner, frankly.

 

Maybe try this and call her and say something like, "Hey, I realize I always am the one making the dates, but I don't want to seem like it's all only about me. Why don't you plan this next date then call me when you decide on something you'd really like to do?" It leaves the ball in her court, it lets her know it's okay to reach out to you, and it's a way to see if she's really into you and can be an equal or if she's one of those people that are either so passive or so afraid to be themselves that they go out of their way never to originate anything.

 

I've dated people where I had to do everything and those didn't last long, because you want an active participant who can hold their own, not a person that only comes to life when you flip the switch on the wall, so to speak. Sorry if the analogy doesn't work, but I used to kind of feel like that with some people. And it's exhausting.

Yes.

They are 20. Have been out only twice. Meanwhile she isnt initiating texts.

I was raised to never call a guy. Not even to return his call. (!)

So im saying, dont assume her behavior means anything. PP makes a great suggestion as to how to lead her where you want her to go - to text you or make a date. My sense is she wants to be led.

For the first little bit of dating it's fine to make the moves, but if a woman is interested she needs to start putting something into the relationship and date planning too. I mean, if all you ever do is make the first move, pay for everything, and she just sits there like a lump that can't be much fun. I can't think of a more boring partner, frankly.

 

Maybe try this and call her and say something like, "Hey, I realize I always am the one making the dates, but I don't want to seem like it's all only about me. Why don't you plan this next date then call me when you decide on something you'd really like to do?" It leaves the ball in her court, it lets her know it's okay to reach out to you, and it's a way to see if she's really into you and can be an equal or if she's one of those people that are either so passive or so afraid to be themselves that they go out of their way never to originate anything.

 

I've dated people where I had to do everything and those didn't last long, because you want an active participant who can hold their own, not a person that only comes to life when you flip the switch on the wall, so to speak. Sorry if the analogy doesn't work, but I used to kind of feel like that with some people. And it's exhausting.

And that was my issue with dating. I have to plan it and pay for it? After a while I just couldn't get motivated to go on a date

And that was my issue with dating. I have to plan it and pay for it? After a while I just couldn't get motivated to go on a date

Ugh, I don't blame you. I wouldn't date those people either.

Ugh, I don't blame you. I wouldn't date those people either.

I had a date tomorrow and the girl shot down my suggestion lol It wasn't a cafe but it was a place that sold pizza sandwiches, drinks, and salads and she didn't like what I suggested. I didn't think that was bad for a 1st meet and greet

I had a date tomorrow and the girl shot down my suggestion lol It wasn't a cafe but it was a place that sold pizza sandwiches, drinks, and salads and she didn't like what I suggested. I didn't think that was bad for a 1st meet and greet

So did she suggest something else? Ask her if there is anything in particular she'd like to do.

I don't think most women like the first date or two to involve eating because it can be a self conscious activity, you can't really talk properly either and if it doesnt go well you're stuck facing each other until your food arrives and you've finished eating.

Suggest a coffee, or a short, fun activity. I was taken on a date once for crazy golf which even though there was no chemistry I enjoyed my time with him, it wasn't too long and when the conversation wasnt flowing we could occupy ourselves with playing and laughing at others playing equally badly as us.

So did she suggest something else? Ask her if there is anything in particular she'd like to do.

 

I don't think most women like the first date or two to involve eating because it can be a self conscious activity, you can't really talk properly either and if it doesnt go well you're stuck facing each other until your food arrives and you've finished eating.

 

Suggest a coffee, or a short, fun activity. I was taken on a date once for crazy golf which even though there was no chemistry I enjoyed my time with him, it wasn't too long and when the conversation wasnt flowing we could occupy ourselves with playing and laughing at others playing equally badly as us.

I can be more creative once the warm season kicks it because it's more you can do outside. Like meeting for ice cream at a nearby park or a cafe with outdoor seating. When it's cold your options become limited

mccunit, what's the update?

mccunit, what's the update?

had a second date, met for coffee. both had a laugh and chatted for few hours. I said to her before I left sure send us a message if you're free and fancy hanging out in next couple of days! she text me that evening, 3rd date tomorrow to go cinema! so all is good, think she maybe just needed to know I wouldn't reject her, I dunno

had a second date, met for coffee. both had a laugh and chatted for few hours. I said to her before I left sure send us a message if you're free and fancy hanging out in next couple of days! she text me that evening, 3rd date tomorrow to go cinema! so all is good, think she maybe just needed to know I wouldn't reject her, I dunno

Glad to hear it.

All you had to be was... you.

"shes playing hard to get i think!!" we're both 20, on a night out I bumped into this random girl we kissed in the nightclub and spent the rest of the night chatting, even going back to hers but instead of taking things further we stayed up all night talking (don't think shes a one night-stand type of girl).

This is not a person playing hard to get. Not with what she's done on a first encounter. Maybe, hard to keep. You shouldn't assume anything with someone you've just met.

You've only had one date. Cut down on the communications, and concentrate on the actual dates. After 2-3 more dates, you'll get a better read on her (if you have productive conversations on the dates).

"...but my only problem is she never ever initiates any contact first I always text first, feel like if I didn't text her for a few days everything just fizzle out!! "

Cool your jets and initiate contact once a week to ask her on one date a week. Texting, snapchatting, etc. constantly is killing your ability to remain mysterious. Furthermore, you should be busy anyhow, and that goes for class (if you're in school), work, and other women. This is the dating world. Don't put all your eggs in this one basket. If she is really attracted to you, then you asking her out once a week and her saying yes will get the ball rolling toward seeing each other more frequently.