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I stayed in a dream love story alone.


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I tell you my detailed story, I need help what to do. (sorry for my English)

 

Years ago when I had a non serious relationship, one night I walked into a pub and saw a girl. (I am good looking but I refuse 99% of girls.) This time it took 0.001 seconds to fall in love with her. We talked and drank a little bit then I had to go. I was completely sure she will be my next gf. Soon I break up with my gf and I was waiting for the next meeting with my lover. After half year we met again at the beginning of summer and she said she is totally in love with me since the first moment so the love started. I was 19, she 16. We spent the whole summer together as much time as we can. We were real soulmates. Same dress, music, art style, same reasons to hate superficial people, same thinking but our personality was different but we was working together well. I had problems because I left the university and didn’t know what to do and she had too because she hated her school, her teachers, her classmates. It can be said we saved each other.

 

We were that type of couple, who loved to cuddle up, she thought I am the most handsome man in the world and I found her the most beautiful. When I attend to a night school, after lessons I usually go to her, to give a kiss, and see how she fell a sleep in my arms, and then in the middle of night I went home or sleep with her. Just write these lines don’t think it is a common teenage love. Imagine the highest level of love. I had experience of relationships but for her I was the first. We spent almost a year this way. I knew long ago that she wanted to go for exchange student and I accept that. She had problems in school, she want to explore, learning language, find herself. She applicated for exchange student for 1 year, and 8000km from me. But we didn’t care we lived for a moment and spent the remaininig time together. I told her I can wait her for a year. (I never cheated on her, other girls was invisible for me.) She had to left at August. At May something changed. I had financial problems but I promised her to spend the summer together. That time I tried to find a job but without experience it was impossible. I found an org which send students to a mediterran island for hotel work. I needed experience, language practice, money and I liked to travel. I decided to go. The work started at the end of May to September. I didn’t want summer with her with no money, and see how she feeling bad about this. I know it is not necessary for love but I wanted to give her what she deserves. Plus I thought this help us to understand each other situation when we separated. I left, we skype everyday. Later I wanted her to visit me before she leaves but this attempt failed. After 1,5 months she started behave strange. She didn’t tell me how was her day, what she did. This became worst and worst. Then she said I strangle with my behaviour and she can’t continue. Revealed that she cheated with a guy on a festival. After this I agreed, It is better to break up.

 

Later I wanted to get answers where we did wrong, but It was impossible to talk with her. She replied in one line texts and like I am a stranger. When I asked how it’s going in the new country, new school got the same empty texts. I asked her lot of times why she broke up but she said she lost her interest about the relationship. She became an iceberg and also lasts now.

Later I wrote her a long message to let her go, and I blocked her, hide all her photos from my room and computer. I tried other girls but only one girl was interesting for me. Months later I unblock her because I didn’t want that status forever. Sometimes we chat for minutes for example for birthday wishes, Chrismas and how it’s going. I couldn’t forgive her. After a lot of feeling changing I get to that point, that I let her. Answer the same style as she text me and decided to live life. I give her time when she come home, she need relationship experience and if the future wants we will be together (or not). After that I live 2-3 good months. She was 90% out my head etc. But then she wrote whats up… we chat 2-3 afternoons and I am here again, feelings come back I’m crying. I ask her again what was wrong with us, same answer.. (By the way she always said she want me as friend.) 3 months later she will come back. She said she want to meet me for talking, but she can’t imagine that we can hooking up. I feel when I will see her I will have a heart attack and I will fall in love again. But I don’t want because she is not the same person who I love. Her cute things gone. But I can’t move on.

When we were together we had perfect life. I felt I can never found a girl like she. And this happening. I sometimes told her what if we break up? How I can say to my next gf that she is the most beautiful because that would be a lie. And now all these things happening. When I ask her what about our common plans what we talked about a lot, she said that was not serious. But I know it was. She showed the level of love what I cannot imagine earlier. She always running from serious conversations. Our relationship was 100% right before we had to separate (she confirmed). This love has not done inside me. When I ask her she said she arranges this inside her, and how I can’t move on.

 

I tried to forgive her and trust inthe power of time but no success. What options do I left? I answer any questions if that can help.

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