My boyfriend and his masterbarion has me concerned?

Well, my boyfriend is 21, I'm 18. (Still young)

, We have a fair commitment with each other. It's been 2 years now, our anniversary was yeaterday. and, me and him are seperate. I moved about 85 miles away from him. Before I did we had a great sex life. He wouldn't even touch porn. But now that I've moved, I've been concerned. Me and him would see each other once or twice a month, he would drive down to come get me to stay with him for a week, or longer. It's amazing we would have great sex! Week staying there and we would hit it maybe 5 times without him touching porn. but as far as masterbarion goes.. I want to know if I should be worried or not. He's lied to me before, and I still trust him, but part of me doesn't which caused me to snoop through his phone. (I know, bad move, it was my fault not his). But I went on his downloads and saw Tumblr. I clicked on it and saw that it said it was deleted but could re download them so I did. I saw three pics of the same girl flaunting herself. Lots of hentai. And beasitality. And furry type porn, and some very explitic content. I got this Intense jealousy and insecurity. I got so mad I didn't think so much of it. Hew told me he would download what he likes. Now, my bf is a horrible communicator. He doesn't wanna deal with me half the time. He's told me multiple times he's watched porn only when I'm away. That he didn't give a care less about the girls. That it has nothing to do with me. That he just misses me. Hes also deleted them so he wouldn't wanna hurt me. He had.no idea the downloads would still be on his browser, but he deleted them without me asking. But then when I'm there with him he's not even Interested in it but me in person. He's told me he would look at those pics and look at my pics?? Is that something I should be thankful for? He's said that once he's about to cum, he goes straight to my pics and goes off on that. Idk if that's something that's true, but he swears it is. Now as far as those downloads go, he's told me he's downloaded them and it goes straight to his gallery, and he would delete them after he's done. He's told me as well that he just liked what he sees when it comes to the female figure. Now to keep in mind, this man has made me accept so much about him that not most girls can accept, and there's always more and more to discover, and I think it's pushing it and driving me insane. And.I think that's why I'm here. I've gotten over him watching porn, but when it comes to downloads idk. It's different to me. He's very confusing because his libido isn't so high. He thinks that sex isn't always about commitment and that it's not always on his mind. He would tell me how he would mastebate three times in a week or two. And would go without it for another two weeks. (That's when im.Not there with him) I love this man to death, we have talked about moving in together soon, all that good stuff. Should I be worried when he's doing that kind of stuff when I'm away? Or is this completely normal.

Please use paragraphs. Also, please read previous posts about porn issues. This topic is just entirely overdone at this point.

First of all, it is none of your business what he does with his own body. You don't have the right to police his masturbation habits and will come off very controlling. Leave the poor guy alone over it. If you both live long distance, he's going to do it. That's his own relief. And he's going to use visual aids to help him achieve an orgasm. Men are extremely visual and use porn to do so- it is nothing personal.

Quite frankly, it was none of your business to question him HOW he uses explict images. That's crossing the line of a partner's privacy and it's guilting him over something that is natural. I would be pissed off at you and think you're nutty if o was your boyfriend, for having the audacity to question what I do in my private time with my own body.

However, in your defense I would be worried about the beastiality porn. Anime and furry porn, that's his kink and Fantasy... but porn between actual people and animals is illegal and a form of animal cruelty. I would have a huge problem with that if I caught beastility (and especially child porn) downloaded by my man. That's really disgusting and wouldn't understand why someone would support it.

I didn't know I HAD to use paragraphs. I used the long distance part because I wanna know myself if this porn use is something that I should worry about or not. This is my first time using this app so a little bit of respect would be nice. And I have been reading topics, but I want a person opinion so I get a good thought in my head then just having certain questions I have in my head unanswered. And on top of that I never asked him about anything, he's blantly honest about it without myself even asking him. I got upset over what it was and he would just tell me all what's harmless. All this was about porn yes, but long distance is formed to this topic because I wanna help myself get over the fact that he uses alot of it. Girls have issues over this stuff and all I wanted was help to get over it especially since me and him are apart. It's basically an issue for me in this distance relationship as well. But my bad for choosing something inadequate I guess. I just wanted to find some positive feed back so I dknt hurt my man. I'm not trying to be controlling neither. I can't help but have emotions.

you wouldn't have an issue with how much he masturbates if you didn't ask (it's not a question a partner has to answer, and not a question that needs to be asked) and snoop. invading someone's privacy will usually be enough to get you dumped, telling people they're not supposed to orgasm in their private time doubly so, and will have some question your sanity.

don't snoop and don't think about his masturbation, especially not as something that is your business. if it substituted sex while you're actually together, then it would be your business.

yes, it's normal for people to masturbate.

the bestiality thing....hell naw. highly disturbing in my book. i'd run.

I didn't know I HAD to use paragraphs..

Paragraphs make it much easier to read. Some people may not respond if it's one big long paragraph. You'll notice responses are broken up into paragraphs.

Think of paragraphs as taking a breath in between points.

There are two kinds of people

1- those who masturbate

2- liars that say they don't.

But seriously, masturbation is a healthy normal thing, especially among younger males.

It is also a very private thing most people don't bring up in conversation. "Don't ask, don't tell" kind of thing.

Don't take it personally if he doesn't masturbate to your pictures. As mentioned already, men ARE visual and can, and will fantasize about different woman, even in stable loving relationships with a good amount of sex.

There was a guy in college we knew who had tons of porn on his laptop and he used to try to be funny by sending us sick fetish videos. Not something 99% of normal people have a fetish for, but I think (I hope) he was just trying to shock us with how sick things could get on the internet. Maybe he doesn't have a "thing" for the stuff you found on his phone, maybe it's just morbid curiosity. Normal porn is not something to be too concerned with. If he likes it, fine. If you don't fine. Just keep the communication open between the two of you....oh and don't snoop on someones phone. It is invasion of privacy.

I didn't know I HAD to use paragraphs. I used the long distance part because I wanna know myself if this porn use is something that I should worry about or not. This is my first time using this app so a little bit of respect would be nice.

How exactly was I being "disrespectful" and "mean?" My message used polite terms, but was very straightforward. If you get defensive over direct responses such as mine, then I'm seriously going to wonder how you will be taking any advice given here. These are the terms that some special snowflake would use.

So here's a bit of a Warning to you: we don't sugarcoat advice within this community. That is just who many of the posters are, so definitely don't expect that from me. This is because I take a very realistic approach and try to help others see another side of it.

No offense, but writing in paragraphs is a basic 101 reading/writing skill to help your readers (e.g. The posters here) understand your message better. This is a skill that is taught all the way back in grade school for a reason. I was a former reading and writing teacher (I know my last response was not perfect), so I don't buy into the "I didn't know this" argument.

Moving forward:

Girls have issues over this stuff and all I wanted was help to get over it especially since me and him are apart.

LOL you assume I am a man already? And what a sweeping generalization to say about girls/women and sexualized material! Do you know how many copies of Fifty Shades of Grey were sold? I suggest you find out because it will give you an idea of how many women read/fantasize the S&M culture. The audience majority of erotica fiction are actually women.

Since you are very new here, you will find that most of the female posters are actually open to porn. My husband watches porn and I sometimes read erotica (except if it's Fifty Shades because the writing style is terrible). If I start policing him about porn, will that give him the legitimate right to burn my books?

Before I even got married, my husband and I have been in long distance situations a few times because of school and careers; one year we were 10 hours apart and only got to physically see each other twice. There was no way in hell I would expect him to not look at porn and not masturbate within our 11 months apart.

I highly suggest you read a book called His Needs, Her Needs to get a broader picture of what sex really means for men. It's an excellent source to think about elements that go into a serious relationship.