Im embarrassed for my boyfriend to visit me over the summer

Hello all,

I am a second year college student and I have been with my boyfriend for a little over six months. We have had a great relationship, but since he's from out of state and summer is approaching we talked about visiting each other. We would both love to still date each other even though we will be a 16hr drive apart. The only thing is that his family is a lot wealthier than mine and I am embarrassed for him to see my parents house. He talked about how his family just sold their home for over a million dollars and they're going to build a new house, while my family lives in a 3 bedroom mobile home. He knows I am from a family not as well off as his, but I don't think he knows the extent of it. If he comes down to visit I don't want to stay in a hotel, because I don't want him to pay money when I could offer him a place to stay; but also I am afraid what he will think when he sees my home. He told me his father grew up dirt poor, so I think he might be a little more understanding; but my boyfriend himself never experienced any financial issues. What do I do?

You invite him over. If he breaks up with you, he never deserved you.

Hello and welcome to the forum.

My advice is to try to keep your focus on the notion that this fellow likes *you* and not your/your family's material trappings. None of us, not you, not him, not me, are our bank accounts.

You're his pick. And you are the unique and lovely person you are, whether you are presently in a mobile home, walking on a private beach, sitting in your classroom, and so on.

He wants to be with you, he's not concerned with where you two are. Enjoy his company and let him enjoy yours without worrying about this - my guess is that he won't be thinking about anything but being with the girl he fancies, either.

Good luck!

You don't own your house. He doesn't own his house. You have both made it to college and are in the same year. There is no reason to hide it, let alone be ashamed of it.

If he doesn't like you because of where you're from or what your family lives in, then you deserve better.

And never be embarrassed by your family or your financial status.

Good luck.

Should I talk to him about it though before he comes down? Will he be surprised? Or should I not tell him my family's situation and just have him come over? My family's home has always been a sensitive issue for me because its a very looked down upon to live in a mobile home (like being considered "trailer trash," or meth addicts, ect), and I have only ever invited over a few close friends to my home because of it. I just don't want him to think less of my family or pity me, like some of my friends have done when I invited them over for the first time.

As others said, if he dumps you because of your home, then that shows you what he's really like Personally I'd tell him where I live then the info is out there and you aren't hiding anything. His reaction may tell you all you need to know.

I bet he'll take your face in his hands and say "I really don't care. It's YOU I love, not your family home".

I would tell him it's a mobile home because you are going to stress and fret about his reaction and that's not healthy for you. Once he knows, I think the negative build-up in your mind will be greatly reduced (I hope) Good luck.

Should I talk to him about it though before he comes down? Will he be surprised? Or should I not tell him my family's situation and just have him come over? My family's home has always been a sensitive issue for me because its a very looked down upon to live in a mobile home (like being considered "trailer trash," or meth addicts, ect), and I have only ever invited over a few close friends to my home because of it. I just don't want him to think less of my family or pity me, like some of my friends have done when I invited them over for the first time.

I wouldn't draw attention to it. When he visits you can tell him that he's more than welcome to stay there, but it may be a bit cramped. If you to address it, when he visits you can tell him about your sensitivity.

I would personally bring it up beforehand. I think you'll stress a little less if you're not worried about him being surprised. And if he's a good guy, then he'll most likely help put your mind at ease and tell you that it doesn't matter.

Send him pics or videos if that puts you at ease. Make it indirect, playful. 'Chilling my room. here's fluffy in our backyard. me in the kitchen having a midnight snack', etc. Just as anyone else would send pics of stuff in their lives or video chat from their homes whatever..

Trust me, he won't judge you for it. Be yourself. Never explain or apologize or be embarrassed.

Send him pics or videos if that puts you at ease. Make it indirect, playful. 'Chilling my room. here's fluffy in our backyard. me in the kitchen have a midnight snack', etc. Just as anyone else would send pics of stuff in their lives or video chat from their homes whatever..

 

Trust me, he won't judge you for it. Be yourself. Never explain or apologize or be embarrassed.

You could go full comedy and get your whole family to act like methheads: "Here's my dad with his favourite pipe".

Being in a similar situation ... money is never a real reason. Worst case he finds it cute and cares even more for you. Don't overthink it just let it be what will be will be

I would personally bring it up beforehand. I think you'll stress a little less if you're not worried about him being surprised. And if he's a good guy, then he'll most likely help put your mind at ease and tell you that it doesn't matter.

If he does break-up with you, sometimes it's just because he run's in a different social circle to you, which does not mean he's heartless or not worthy. It simply means, he might feel that you two are two different and come from different worlds. You never know, he might not care about those things, but it's hard to say.

My family's home has always been a sensitive issue for me because its a very looked down upon to live in a mobile home (like being considered "trailer trash," or meth addicts, ect), and I have only ever invited over a few close friends to my home because of it. I just don't want him to think less of my family or pity me, like some of my friends have done when I invited them over for the first time.

Stereotypes of all sorts abound in this world, (rich, poor, young, old, ethnicity, skin color, single, married, male, female, etc.). But that doesn't make them right, nor do those who are stereotyped need to adopt them as their own. See the things YOU value within your home environment, focus on those and share those with your boyfriend. Could be your family's humor, gardening, cooking, quiet, respect for others, creativity, good parties, warm neighborhood…I don't know, but I'm sure there is Good there for you to take to heart, and share heart-to-heart.

You don't own your house. He doesn't own his house. You have both made it to college and are in the same year. There is no reason to hide it, let alone be ashamed of it.

This is an important point.

Having ambition, shared life philosophies and shared morals is a lot more important than material things owned by your respective families.

This is an important point.

 

Having ambition, shared life philosophies and shared morals is a lot more important than material things owned by your respective families.

Yeah. you both are broke. So you're even.

Stereotypes of all sorts abound in this world, (rich, poor, young, old, ethnicity, skin color, single, married, male, female, etc.). But that doesn't make them right, nor do those who are stereotyped need to adopt them as their own. See the things YOU value within your home environment, focus on those and share those with your boyfriend. Could be your family's humor, gardening, cooking, quiet, respect for others, creativity, good parties, warm neighborhood…I don't know, but I'm sure there is Good there for you to take to heart, and share heart-to-heart.

Just wanted to say that this is beautiful advice. It's hard not to succumb to insecurities, but if you put the focus on positive things such as those listed in this post, there's less room for insecurity to rear its ugly head. Be authentic. Be the real you. People find that attractive.