Boyfriend gets very angry if I mention his ex, is this normal?

Hi everyone!

 

My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 5months.

 

He broke up with his ex and a year and a half ago. 7 months after they broke up we started dating.

They had a very hard break up due to a few issues. They were together for four years. Some issues that I know of and some that I don't.

In the beggining we used to talk about his ex all the time maybe because I was interested...but he just didn't want to go to deep into the reasons they broke up.

I mentioned it a month ago and he got mad and told me I don't need to mention her anymore.

 

I kind of have this feeling that he might not yet be over her why else will he get so angry when I mention her. I mention my ex and it's no big deal to me if he mentions my ex.

 

Well he had a car accident about a week ago didn't get injured but his friend did. He had another accident a month before this.

It so happens that the accident that happened a week ago was on the day of his exes birthday.

 

So after he had the accident on his exes birthday I confronted him after I made sure he was okay, I asked him if he was over her, and told him were you really depressed is that why you keep having car accidents and especially on her birthday.

While confronting him I told him that he had left his fb app open on my phone one day and I read a conversation with his ex and learned that his ex (before being with him) had dated his best friend.

 

I wouldn't have mentioned her again since I know he hates it but I just had to! I care about him and wanted to kind of help him to not be sad by telling him that it's best he broke up with her because even though they dated for 4 years it would have never worked out because of her dating his best friend in the past. I think that is the reason they had many problems.

 

He told me I am invading his privacy and taking it too far and that I don't care about his feelings and I only care about my self and eventhough he told me a thousand times not to mention her I keep on mentioning her and making him re-live the past aces.

I told him I'm not making you relive the past you're making yourself re-live them by not unfollowing her on instagram. He continues to follow her on instagram.

 

We usually go out in a coffee shop. EVERYTIME I mention her he putts his head down doesn't look at me and stops the conversation and tells me are you done, are you ready to go. He doesn't want to continue staying with me anymore or talking.

 

I told him I won't mention her anymore he told me you will because you said you wouldn't mention her last time either and you did again. He went on to say that if I mention his ex again we won't be together anymore.

To me this isn't a normal reaction. Eventhough he did later say he over-reacted a little.

 

I'm trying to find out if he is over her and if I should stay with him or not?

On my opinion this isn't a normal reaction and he isn't over her.

 

Thanks for your help...

Wait dude gets in a car accident and you for real took it as license to inquire whether or not he's over his ex?

Did you ask if he was ok???

Wait dude gets in a car accident and you for real took it as license to inquire whether or not he's over his ex?

 

I wonder why the frequent car accidents, something is bothering him. He seems lost. He is a good driver never had accidents before, doesn't drink and drive...

That is very, very bad timing, Loralora.

Wait dude gets in a car accident and you for real took it as license to inquire whether or not he's over his ex?

Yes I did. He didn't get injured. I confronted him a week and a half after it happend.

and told him were you really depressed is that why you keep having car accidents and especially on her birthday/QUOTE]

 

Just to be clear, you accused him of intentionally having an accident on his ex's birthday?

I wonder why the frequent car accidents, something is bothering him. He seems lost. He is a good driver never had accidents before, doesn't drink and drive...

 

You said he was a dr. Does he get adequate sleep?? That will cause car accidents.

If you keep bringing up the ex all the time I think it's you that has the problem with her .

Unfortunately you need to reflect on why you are obsessed about his ex and nagging and needling him about it.

 

At 5 mos in it sounds like you very insecure about the relationship and things are not going well. Or you are angry at him and trying to torture him and sabotage this?

 

I agree with him 6779097]He told me I am invading his privacy and taking it too far and that I don't care about his feelings and I only care about my self and eventhough he told me a thousand times not to mention her I keep on mentioning her and making him re-live the past aces

and told him were you really depressed is that why you keep having car accidents and especially on her birthday/QUOTE]

 

Just to be clear, you accused him of intentionally having an accident on his ex's birthday?

 

Nono, I though he was depressed because he couldn't be with her on her birthday or something and had his mind thinking about old times and it happned. Or something like that. He keeps having accidents. He ruend two cars and is now carless. Something is wrong.

 

Thank god they were good cars and he walked away with a few scratches and only muscle pain. His friend got injured because he didn't have a seat belt on.

Then maybe he needs not to drive before he kills someone.

You said he was a dr. Does he get adequate sleep?? That will cause car accidents.

 

No he doesn't get enough sleep or rest.

 

He keeps himself super busy even when he doesn't work, he pays basketball or football he never stays home.

 

I told him he needs to get more rest and that he never stays home. To me it seems like he keeps himself overly busy so he doesn't let himself think about the past and his ex.

 

He even told me you're making me think and analize the past.

 

There is something very big that bothers him about the past. I don't know if he is over it...

I know he know he will.never be with her again, but he is very very saddened about the past.

Physicians are not immune from taking pills and being impaired. Sadly, your head is so far up his ex's rear that you may not notice what is really going on right in front of you.

I wonder why the frequent car accidents, something is bothering him. He seems lost. He is a good driver never had accidents before, doesn't drink and drive...

No he doesn't get enough sleep or rest.

 

He keeps himself suoer busy even when he doesn't work, he pays basketball or football he never stays home.

 

I told him he needs to get more rest and you never stay home. To me it seems like he keeps himself overly busy so he doesn't let himself think about the past.

 

He even told me you're making me think and analize the past.

Not getting enough sleep IS impaired driving.

Not getting enough sleep causes cognitive impairment . Might one day kill himself or somebody else in a car or make a bad decision as a doctor .

You said he was a dr. Does he get adequate sleep?? That will cause car accidents.

 

Not getting enough sleep causes cognitive impairment . Might one day kill himself or somebody else in a car or make a bad decision as a doctor .

 

Yes true...

He is like a robot...he never stops

Would anyone else take their partners similar reaction of an ex as normal?

Stop badgering and he won't be mad.

I told him he needs to get more rest and that he never stays home. To me it seems like he keeps himself overly busy so he doesn't let himself think about the past and his ex.

 

You are really digging here. My cousin is the type where he has to keep moving. he was that way since he was a toddler. Some people say they went to work and came home. He says he went to work, went to karate, is working on a side project for another company, saw a friend who was home from out of town and is rehabbing a house to flip. Oh, and that was just a Monday. Some people are also overachievers and have to be the best at everything as well.

 

The farther you push this - your theory he is still thinking about his ex and everything he does is about her, the more likely he will keep getting bothered by it or you will break up. My guy knows that I had an ex. There are times at appropriate moments when we have opened up about our exes - the discussions about having been married/engaged before and talking about things we have realized about ourselves, or just innocent marking of time "when that event occcured, it was the timeframe where I had started dating x". But we don't "confront."

 

The fact that you keep confronting him is just stirring up trouble.

 

He DOESN"T want to talk about his ex - but YOU keep bringing her up. If he constantly talked about her or he called her, i would say that was trouble - but he isn't - you are the one who won't let his ex go.

Would anyone else take their partners similar reaction of an ex as normal?

Nagging about my ex + invading my privacy = you get dumped. But really, all you gotta do is pick one for that result. Apparently this guy has a higher threshold than I do.

 

The fact you even know it was his ex's birthday is kinda creepy.

You're the one obsessed with his ex.

 

Not him.

 

Why are you afraid of his ex? You've decided he still loves her, haven't you?

 

BTW, that's YOUR issue, not his.

 

But yeah, you "have" to ask him, and yeah, he will leave you. And you can tell all your friends he left you because he still loves his ex. When the truth is he's going to leave you because you won't stop badgering him about his ex.

Would anyone else take their partners similar reaction of an ex as normal?

 

Not under these circumstances.

Nagging about my ex + invading my privacy = you get dumped. But really, all you gotta do is pick one for that result. Apparently this guy has a higher threshold than I do.

 

The fact you even know it was his ex's birthday is kinda creepy.

 

Looked it up on facebook

Looked it up on facebook

 

No less creepy...

 

You're the one obsessed. Ever consider that your incessant nagging makes him think about her?