Boyfriend broke up with me after his sister died

My boyfriend of about a year broke up with me. we were unofficial 6 months prior so to me it's more like a year and a half. We were on and off again friends because of my feelings for him and his mixed feelings for me years prior. He told me he loved me very clearly and was supportive. We had a healthy relationship overall. We supported each other's goals and we booked a trip to japan this October. There was something lacking but we didn't talk about it. We appeared to be good. An he came over a lot. To a point where I noticed. He had to go up north b/c his sis was in the hospital. through it all he kept in contact n i supported him. He never left her side. sadly after weeks of fighting, she passed away. He texted me early morning when she passed. We texted a few days after she passed. I didnt hear from him for over a week. I had to contact his aunt. I helped take care of his room and cleaned after his cats while still taking care of my own cats and my own life. When he got back he broke up with me. While my feelings grew in his abstance cuz i wasn't sure how I felt prior. I knew it wudnt be the same for me cuz all he cud think about was his sister. That's how he is. He can only foucs on the matter at hand and nothing else. I was suprised when he wished me a happy valentine's day while in the hospital. It also happened to be his mother's birthday. I even took his sister's passing harder than I expected. He wanted to break up in person but he ended up texting me saying he wanted to be friends and that's all he could offer me. He said he wouldnt be fair for me to continue the relationship. He said he wanted to find happyniess. he didn't feel like much has changed since we've been friends. and he's in a diff place right now. When I read his text, I felt nothing. Doen't matter how many times I read it. I expected him to break up with me but not for those reasons. I haven't responded since. I don't know what to say to him. I knew he wouldn't come back the same and I expected the breakup because of his sister's loss. He also said it had nothing to do with him needing time to grieve. He shut me out. and opened up to a mutual friend he doesn't keep up with often. He told our mutural friend he is taking his sister's death hard. His aunt told me the same. He used to tell me everything and now he stopped. It hurts. It's been a month since his sister passed and a week since he broke up with me. I haven't texted him back and I feel like I've abandoned him. I don't know what to do. and I still cry about everything. About his sister and the beautiful life she had she was only 22 recenlty engaged and about to move in with him. I cry because the bf I knew is gone and he is a different state and I have not seen him since probably the end of January.

Sorry this happened to you. You are doing all the right things. Perhaps even he doesn't know what he's going through. Do you have friends and family nearby? Try to reconnect with other areas of you life and wait for some time to pass.

Sorry you have to go through this. I think you just have to respect his wishes at the moment. Everyone takes the death of a love one differently. He is probably having a very difficult time dealing with all his emotions. I think he did the right thing because he probably does not want to drag you down with him. I've gone through some painful deaths of a love one myself, and all I could say is I shut everyone out. I don't know why, but it's what's most comforting to me at the time. I just know the pain is the most excruciating and unbearable pain I'm ever had to experience. So just take it as it's bad timing. It's nothing to do with you or your relationship with him. It's just not the right time for him to be in a relationship at the moment.

At the same time, all you could do is support his decision. It's hard, I understand but you have to just move on. It's great to hear that you are not contacting and just giving him the time and space. You could spend this time and focus on yourself. You didn't do anything wrong and you did not abandoned him. He made the decision to end it with you, so let it be. Don't feel guilty.

Sorry to hear you're going through something this harrowing.

A friend of mine had a similar experience to yours; she had a relaxed but quite long term relationship with a guy - and then his sister was murdered. He ended the relationship and shut her out totally, too, while she was left feeling helpless and not knowing what to do for the best. It's just the way some people cope with bereavement, and it's important to acknowledge your grief and your own loss whilst recognising that this is nothing to do with you, but a reflection of where he's at right now.

If you want to reach out one last time, you could leave a message to the effect: "I love you, and the door is still open. But I respect your decision..." but do this so that you're not just leaving things in limbo, but acknowledging the situation and your feelings - rather than hoping for a response.

(((HUGS)))

Give this poor guy a break! His sister died very recently and he's upset. He has to grieve in his own way, nobody can tell him how to grieve, it's a personal path he has to take on his own in his own way. Leave him be.

Thank you. I don't think he does. He is taking the loss pretty hard and he clearly said the decison had nothing to do with his sister and said his feelings handt changed which i don't think it's enitrey true but I was a fault in the intmate catogory. I really messed up. Since I've been with him I foucsed on all other aspecs of my life and now even that is uncertian. Today I sent him a text and he replied. So I may at least get clousre. I told him to get in contact with me when he was ready. He said thank you he will. Made me feel better but I stil cried.

I know... and even as his gf at the time, as worried as I was gave him his space. He was in CT with his fam. Who he needed. I Didn't blow up his phone if he did'nt reply. and when he did keep in contact I didn't expect him to reply everyday. I took it with a grain of salt. He stopped opening up with me. He used to tell me everything. He started telling our mutural guy friend everything who he left in the dark prior. So I just left it alone till today. I finally replied to his text after ignoring it for a week. I know he's going through hell and I want to give him in space. just told him how I saw things and I told him i know he is grieving and to get back to me when he was ready. He said thank you and that he would. When that will be I don't know but I will be patient and wait. I at least need to know what happened with us.

That is horrible!! I could not even imagine how this girl feels not to mention her bf then. So sad. I understand what you are saying. And geift changes people. I've been doing a lot of resarch since and that's why I don't completely believe his text. You're right it has nothing to do with me even tho it hurts. I hurt for his sister and for the guy I used to know that's no longer that person. I wanted to be there for him and regret all the things I could have done to make him happy in the way he needed it the most. But I can't think like that. Im int he present and his presnt is much worse. I did end up replying to his text. I said something like seeing this coming noticing you shut me out. Knowing this is a very hard time for him and that change is needed and after not seeing you a month I realized a lot of things. and I wasn't being fair to you. (i didn't tell him i loved him even tho i finally realized I do.) and I told him I wanted to talk more but I let him know that when he was ready he could contact me. In a matter of hours he said I will thank you. I got a little emotional but It made me feel a little better. ((Accepts Hugs)) ^_^

Aww.. I'm sorry to hear that. I couldn't imagine losing close loved ones. Her passing was really hard for me. I found myself crying longer than I thought I would. I felt for the family and my bf at the time so deeply. Yes, I respect his decison even tho it's hard and since I was the one who didn't reply back, I sent him a message to let him know what I thought, leaving my feelings out, without trumping how he felt. I let him know when he was ready he could contact me. He responed within a couple hours. He said thank you and I will. I cried a little but I felt better. Now i'm just waiting on him to reach out to me whenever that will be.

Samsmallv how did it go? I'm going through the same thing. It hurts like hell being shut down by the person you care the most. Did you ever talked again? Should I move on for good?