Should I continue to date her?

I have been seeing someone for about a month now, from the start I thought things between us were progressing normally. She seemed shy, I am also quite shy and nervous, but didn't think too much of it. We have been taking things slow (No sex) and from early on, she admitted that she suffered from an anxiety disorder and a little depression, but she was medicated. I too, suffer from anxiety, and if not in control it can get bad. I am aware of the mix between us, and how that can potentially be explosive. Recently, she's definitely become more reserved, distant, and cold. Her and I have been open with each other about a lot of things from the get go, and she told me that her doctor prescribed her new medication that often makes her feel worse in a lot of ways, and that her medication change was the reason for her behavior. She admitted that it's not normal for her to feel this way but she is trying to get it changed.

She is totally shutting me down at this point. Her actions don't match what she tells me. She tells me that everything is fine between us and that shes just tired, or work is just draining her (She is a mental health therapist), or the meds are making her feel weird. However, when she shuts me out, or goes distant and cold, it makes me nervous that it is actually something that I did (Which might be my anxiety talking). I'm at a crossroads. I am scared to continue moving forward with someone who can have such a sudden shift in emotions, but I don't want to make a hasty decision. I've dated girls with depression before, but I have no idea if/when she is going to pull out of this tail spin. I also feel bad about shutting someone out when they are in a state like this, and I know that I have had plenty of people run from me at the first site of trouble and I don't want to be that guy towards someone else. I also know the risks of staying with a person like this and the emotional toll that it can take on someone. I just feel stuck. It's just all so new that I don't know what to do and I am afraid that I will make the wrong choice.

If you and she noticed the new behavior after the med change. I would ask the Dr if this is normal?

Well, if her conditions are not under control, and new meds are making things worse, I can see why you are concerned. I don't think you would be running away if you left the relationship. You are simply not into having a cold and distant girlfriend. She needs to know this, so she can try to correct it. If she can't or doesn't care, there is your answer. If she is getting off the "weird" meds and trying something new, I see no reason why you can't stick around for awhile. But in the end, the question is --> does she enhance your life? Because that's what I look for in a relationship. I don't look for angst, fights, upset and drama.

When she goes distant and cold, stop contacting her. I don't care what she has or is on, she'll reach out to you if she really wants you. Try that and get your answer.

You guys don't have compatible mental health. It's more like two people clashing than complementing each other.

I agree with non compatible mental health. It is good she is getting treatment by seeking new medication. You wouldn't be a bad guy for leaving to take care of yourself and your own happiness.

Lisa

It's been a month, that is a relatively short time for any kind of relationship.

It really is up to you, but if you like her, give it a bit more time. Maybe her meds will adjust and she will be back to herself. But if you are having serious doubts, consider letting her know that you do want to continue on with a friendship and can be supportive to her, but that romance is just not working for you.

She's a mental help therapist?

Call me naive but I would think is equipped with some insights on her actions and the challenge it creates.

Add in she should have reliable resourses to help her with adjusting her meds.

Bottom line, early stages of dating are for determining whether two people are a good fit.

Out of the gate this fraught with challenges.

Honestly she should reconsider dating until she's stable.

You should consider giving this a break.

When you have anxiety yourself, this persons hot and cold dance is triggering you. You need to find a better fit with someone who's consistent and doesnt give mixed signals.

When she goes distant and cold, stop contacting her. I don't care what she has or is on, she'll reach out to you if she really wants you. Try that and get your answer.

^^^Exactly.

I am not so sure she should be dating at all. If she is still adjusting her meds then her and her doctor haven't found what works best for her. Basically you are part of an experiment.

You really barely know each other so I would tell her that you really like her but you don't feel like she is in a good enough place to be dating. You aren't bailing on her because she has a few problems, you are ending it because she is unable to be warm and present.

Lost

It sounds like it may be best for her to take sometime to get her problems under control. Working through such intimate problems with someone you don't know that well seems like a lot of stress - and could lead to a lot of intensity and co-dependency. You may find yourself getting super tangled up in all this and then having it slam to an end because there wasn't enough foundation built initially.

Thanks everyone for your replies. I just ended it. I haven't heard back. I don't think I will. I think it was the smartest decision for the both of us. I think as long as she continues to be a therapist and struggle with her own depression, she will never fully be ok (maybe that's mean but oh well). I obviously can't be the one to tell her that, but it will always be a constant stream of negativity for her depression to feed off of and I can't be there to hold her up because its only going to feed into my anxiety. I think I might actually talk to someone professionally, I clearly am starting to see that my own anxiety/abandonment issues often get in the way of letting relationships develop. I think this was the final straw for me. Like right now, it was so hard to end it, because I knew that I would be making things worse for her and I knew that I would be alone afterwards.

I think I might actually talk to someone professionally, I clearly am starting to see that my own anxiety/abandonment issues often get in the way of letting relationships develop.

I would never discourage someone from therapy because I think its great. But to me it doesn't seem like you let your issues get in the way - on the contrary you seem to have made a healthy decision for yourself.

While I agree with this for the most part, the anxiety flared up when she started giving me the silent treatment and almost blew up into a meltdown. I hid most of it from her but it's an unresolved issue that manifests its way in many forms. This seems to happen anytime I start to get close to someone.