Karma is REAL!

If you're not familiar with my story, please read:

To make the long story short though, ex bf basically broke up with me because he was going long distance for grad school. Thought it was unmanageable, unfair for us both, and also felt like the two of us were going towards two different directions. I eventually realized, that ok, that's probably the best but still felt very heartbroken.

Today, met up with one of my closest friends who also happens to be his neighbor. Says that she always sees him at the gym too (I go to a separate one) and said that today he mentioned how he's actually a bit concerned he might not make it to school because of the finances.

I'm sorry, but honestly, once I heard that, I almost burst out laughing. Not because I'm evil but because I should've expected something like this to happen. KARMA

I care a whole lot about him and wish he does end up going to school so I also know this was all for nothing. But I'm still human and a little piece of me still wants him to fail too. Just because he literally broke my heart to pieces.

Idk what he's gonna do but IF he doesn't end up going to school and ends up staying home, I wonder if he'll try crawling back into my life. If so, it would be a big FAT NO.

You see, if he stuck around and something like this happened, I would have remained the supportive girlfriend and tried to help him figure something else out. Whether it may be to help him get another better paying job to help him get into school or maybe look into other cheaper schools. However, he decided to dump me and if he tries to come back then it would be for what? What benefit would I get? More likely looking like a big fat fool if I do. He would have to do A LOT just to get me back.

I can be sad, hurt, depressed but I'm not one thing. And that's a fool. I may appear weak right now and honestly feel like it too, but I'm smart enough to not take a man who left me in the first place to reach his goals and suddenly when he can't reach it try to come back. If he ever does try to come back, the only time I will be saying yes is if he comes back successful like he said he would. I did not accept this breakup for nothing, I accepted it, thinking this was ALL for the best.

So here's to hoping my ex does end up leaving for school. And if he doesn't, well then, sucks for him.

Agree don't look back, look forward. What you describe, 'schadenfreude', is quite common.

"A New York Times article in 2002 cited a number of scientific studies of schadenfreude, which it defined as, "delighting in others' misfortune". Many such studies are based on social comparison theory, the idea that when people around us have bad luck, we look better to ourselves. Other researchers have found that people with low self-esteem are more likely to feel schadenfreude than are people who have high self-esteem.

A 2003 study examined intergroup schadenfreude within the context of sports, specifically an international football (soccer) competition. The study focused on the German and Dutch football teams and their fans. The results of this study indicated that the emotion of schadenfreude is very sensitive to circumstances that make it more or less legitimate to feel such malicious pleasure towards a sports rival.

A 2011 study by Cikara and colleagues using fMRI examined Schadenfreude among Boston Red Sox and New York Yankees fans found that fans' showed increased activation in brain areas correlated with self-reported pleasure (ventral striatum) when observing the rival team experience a negative outcome (e.g., a strike out). By contrast, fans exhibited increased activation in the anterior cingulate and insula when viewing their own team experience a negative outcome."

Agree don't look back, look forward. What you describe, 'schadenfreude', is quite common.

 

"A New York Times article in 2002 cited a number of scientific studies of schadenfreude, which it defined as, "delighting in others' misfortune". Many such studies are based on social comparison theory, the idea that when people around us have bad luck, we look better to ourselves. Other researchers have found that people with low self-esteem are more likely to feel schadenfreude than are people who have high self-esteem.

 

A 2003 study examined intergroup schadenfreude within the context of sports, specifically an international football (soccer) competition. The study focused on the German and Dutch football teams and their fans. The results of this study indicated that the emotion of schadenfreude is very sensitive to circumstances that make it more or less legitimate to feel such malicious pleasure towards a sports rival.

 

A 2011 study by Cikara and colleagues using fMRI examined Schadenfreude among Boston Red Sox and New York Yankees fans found that fans' showed increased activation in brain areas correlated with self-reported pleasure (ventral striatum) when observing the rival team experience a negative outcome (e.g., a strike out). By contrast, fans exhibited increased activation in the anterior cingulate and insula when viewing their own team experience a negative outcome."

Lol, I really do wish the absolute best for him because, yes, I still do love him. It's only been 2 months. HOWEVER, I almost feel a slight satisfaction that now he's struggling. Who knows, possibly thinking he may have made a huge mistake in letting me go.

I always did think that I gave good luck to people, especially when I care a lot about them. One guy I dated but never made it official, something similar happened to him too. He was gonna go and try to be a police officer but ultimately ended up failing the test right after he hurt me too.

Ah life is definitely a funny thing.

I wouldn't actually call this karma. It seemed like it wasn't really working in your relationship, with the building up of tension from the added responsibility. Not to say it wasn't because of either of you individually. You both were taking on a lot at the time and the added mix of a relationship seemed to be too much. He wanted to focus on his studies and I wouldn't say he's a bad guy for that, hence not labeling this as karma. Some people value putting their education first, than being in a relationship. Especially when it they are young, and it's a temporary, set amount of time that will ultimately shape your future for the rest of your life.

Just because there weren't any fights yet and major problems, doesn't mean this guy didn't try. It means he foresaw problems approaching and didn't want to put either of you through that. He was not ready for a relationship and knew. I'd say it was wise, while most other people would watch the resentment and hard feelings crumble the relationship instead. I think you are still feeling the fresh woes of the breakup and haven't gotten over it yet, which explains the prideful satisfaction of his possible misfortune.

I would not hope for a reconciliation, although this is the kind of previous relationship that may be worth rekindling if both parties are open to it.

I wouldn't actually call this karma. It seemed like it wasn't really working in your relationship, with the building up of tension from the added responsibility. Not to say it wasn't because of either of you individually. You both were taking on a lot at the time and the added mix of a relationship seemed to be too much. He wanted to focus on his studies and I wouldn't say he's a bad guy for that, hence not labeling this as karma. Some people value putting their education first, than being in a relationship. Especially when it they are young, and it's a temporary, set amount of time that will ultimately shape your future for the rest of your life.

 

Just because there weren't any fights yet and major problems, doesn't mean this guy didn't try. It means he foresaw problems approaching and didn't want to put either of you through that. He was not ready for a relationship and knew. I'd say it was wise, while most other people would watch the resentment and hard feelings crumble the relationship instead. I think you are still feeling the fresh woes of the breakup and haven't gotten over it yet, which explains the prideful satisfaction of his possible misfortune.

 

I would not hope for a reconciliation, although this is the kind of previous relationship that may be worth rekindling if both parties are open to it.

Yes, I still really do feel the breakup. HARD. I guess I wasn't thinking much when I wrote this. It was just a lot of anger. I mean of course I want him to go to school, it's his dream and I supported him through the whole process. I guess it's just how everything came about? How I supported him through it all but I ended up with nothing, no closure, or anything at all. It really did come out of nowhere and it upset me to no end.

As sick as it is, I do have a slight (VERY slight) satisfaction that this is currently happening. I guess only because I feel like because he hurt me so much, he should be feeling some kind of hurt too. Kind of an eye for an eye...

I do, with all my heart, hopes he achieves his dreams and completes his goals because at the end of the day he deserves it and I've seen how much he's want it. But I guess, to be more honest on here, I wanted him. And I still do and because I can't have him, I get so angry about it.

Right now, I don't hope for a reconciliation. It's impossible. Our time just isn't right. Like you said, we have too many responsibilities. In the future, i don't know. I can't say much about the future, it's become really blurry and unclear now since he broke up with me...

wow. i don't think it's malicious of a person to end a relationship when they find themselves unable to juggle responsibilities or manage long distance. i'd rather leave a person to someone who can afford a decent focus and attention on their partner than be a halfarsed girlfriend keeping someone for the sake of keeping them alone, as if it's kinder to neglect them when your mind is occupied with major responsibilities.

i understand getting dumped hurts, but our emotional response doesn't make the person evil and deserving of punishment.

I wonder if he'll try crawling back into my life. If so, it would be a big FAT NO.

once I heard that, I almost burst out laughing. Not because I'm evil but because I should've expected something like this to happen. KARMA

wanting him to fail at a decent pursuit he has put his effort into, and for reasons of lack of money, AND to fantasize about him crawling on his knees begging for your mercy to be taken back just so you can sadistically reject him...whew. he wasn't being mean. he was being sincere he can't be a proper partner to you now. but you're just being mean with this.

what's all this talk of "if he came back i totally would not take him back". am i missing something? is he asking for you back? if so, that must have slipped my attention. but if not, sounds like you're indulging in a sadistic fantasy where you're begged back and gain the upper hand with cruelty and a snarky pleasure from witnessing his misfortune of money running out as he is trying to get an education. no, it's not " just being human". it's disturbingly mean.

i'm sorry, i'm not done with this. most people wish education was free and accessible to everyone. that's "just being human". and here you are going heh heh heh as someone might have to give up their education because they can't afford it.

it's mean. mean mean mean.

i'm sorry, i'm not done with this. most people wish education was free and accessible to everyone. that's "just being human". and here you are going heh heh heh as someone might have to give up their education because they can't afford it.

 

it's mean. mean mean mean.

I apologize if I upset you with my post. As I've said so many times. I don't actually want him to NOT go. I do want him to go and hope that he does make it. However, I just found out that he's now struggling with this and my INITIAL reaction was that.

I'm still very very bitter about the breakup and did not think this one thoroughly. Again, I apologize...

It is a knee jerk reaction to think of such satisfaction, and I actually can't blame you there. As much as we don't want to think badly of someone we love/loved, this creeps into the mind when they hurt us even if unintentionally. It doesn't make you a mean person. Mean thoughts perhaps, although your thoughts are your own and you cannot help them.

Now, if you acted on your thoughts, yes then that would make you a mean person. However, this is not the case. Hence if he did come back for a rebound, I would not treat him harshly but neutrally while letting him down if unsuccessful. Harsh words are not something he deserves.

I think a change in perspective would help you let go of this anger and will ultimately help you move on from the recent break. You both may have very well been right for each other. Unfortunately, a lasting relationship is all about timing since a good one is a big responsibility. Both of you were not all in because of other important life impacting responsibilities and that is ok. Life gets in the way sometimes.

Eh, it's ok OP. Don't feel bad about this post. You are just human. It's ok to feel a measure of satisfaction at the turn of events in the life of the person who hurt you. And you are still angry. Give yourself a pass. Don't worry about it.

It's OK that you felt bitter. As you heal, that will fade.

But I agree that Yat that it sounds like the "we were going in different directions" thing is a sign that he was on his way out regardless.

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