Friend turned down job i got her..

A friend of mine works a job where she often says she hates, dreads going into, can't stand most of her co workers, and often talks about getting a new job. Recently at my work a rare new position opened up, and I told her about it, and bragged about her to the boss, basically getting her the job before she even applied.

So she applied, interviewed, and it would have been more money, less stress and b.s., more perks and benefits, less weekends, etc.

So, now she messaged me telling me shes not going to take the job... I stared at my phone for like 5 minutes trying to think of a responce, but i just ended up not replying.....

don't set people up. did you call to tell her there was an opening and would she want you to put in a good word for you?

ppl can turn jobs down.

Big reason I don't refer or play up friends. I'll certainly provide the basics like publicly available contact information or even a heads up a job's being posted, but it's on them to take initiative, follow through, and create their own impression. But my boss doesn't so much as hear my friend's name from me, much less have me in their office singing praises. Don't care if there's a $10,000 referral bonus. Ain't happening.

It's just as much for the friend's own benefit as it is mine. I'd hate for them to feel obligated to take the job, keep it if they don't like it, have to perform to maintain my own credibility, etc. Likewise, I'd hate for my word to suffer were they to falter in any of said items.

For whatever reason, your friend opted out. Respect that. What you can do is decide not to put up with her whining about her current job. No one likes listening to that.

Eh.

I disagree with the other posters about "you shouldn't refer people". I think a good rule of thumb is to refer people you think would do well, because it is a reflection of you. But they are allowed to turn down a job offer just as much as the company is allowed to reject a candidate.

I believe most jobs are filled from internal referrals. I don't know that for sure, but that's how it's worked in my life. That's why I don't think you should stop referring people you think are qualified.

She could have turned in down for a number of reasons. She didn't like how the interview went, the time off doesn't work with her life, they lowballed her, she learned more about the position...

You're allowed to be disappointed, but not angry. In my opinion, at least. Ask her what made her turn it down.

it is one thing to put in a good word if the friend agrees. it is another altogether to speak and act on her behalf and hunt down a job offer in her name.

i have called an employer when someone did that to me and explained i won't be meeting with them because i never expressed interest in the job, much less applied. i don't authorize people to tell employers i'm competing for a job i'm not actually competing for. people can't talk and act and make my life decisions for me. i was pissed at the person who did it, without mentioning a word about it to me, set the whole thing up and then called to tell me i oughtta show up for an interview on such and such. excuse me? what interview?

even with the best intentions, it is extremely disrespectful, outrageous even to me personally, if someone speaks and acts on behalf on an able adult, unless the latter asked them too or agreed. maybe OP's friend agreed, in which case my comment doesn't fit. i simply saw no mention of the friend expressing the desire to be set up. whining about her current job cannot automatically be translated to "find me a new one guuurl".

i would definitely not listen to her whining though.

Just because you think it's a better job than hers (and it very well may be and she may even agree), doesn't mean she has to take it. She is entitled to decline for whatever reason and consideration she may have. I don't see why you need to feel so invested in the outcome of HER life decision, such that you feel so disappointed that you are not even replying.

I think it's rude to not respond at all. She had the courtesy to give you a heads up on the outcome, have the decency to at least respond with "thanks for letting me know".

Basic question - was she actually offered the job?

Well, I was reffered to the job I currently work at by a friend and work with him today, so I think it's a fine practice -- IF the person is good. However, any number of things could have come up that could have made me re-think it. One almost did - the job description changed between being referred and getting the offer, but I took it anyway. My guess is, your friend probably used the new opportunity as leverage to get something better at her current job. Risky move (I would never do it), but common.

Anyways, don't sweat it too much. It's a little embarrassing to you, but your employer really isn't out that much, mainly the time for the interview. I just wouldn't refer this particular person again.

It's a blessing she didn't take it. Then not only would she still whine and complain about everything and everyone she would insinuate it was your fault for recommending this place.

She sounds like a chronic whiner. let her solve her own problems and distance yourself for vampires like this. If there's contact just say 'too bad it didn't work' out and drop it. Maybe they didn't make and offer.

A friend of mine works a job where she often says she hates, dreads going into, can't stand most of her co workers, and often talks about getting a new job. now she messaged me telling me shes not going to take the job

Don't offer this friend any more favors and understand, she needs her problems and her drama. She didn't want a new job, she wanted to b*tch about her current job. Personally, I would never offer a chronic complainer a job, because it signals a negative attitude that will likely spill over into the new job.

Also, and this is just my experience, but I would never offer a friend a job anyways. That can come back to bite you in the proverbial backside, because if things go south you would potentially get the blame from your boss for selling them on and urgin them to hire a person who is bad at their job or does something bad or causes drama at work that then creates a serious issue.

So don't reply and don't offer again. Apologize if asked by your boss, that you truly thought she wanted the job and was job searching, but you have no idea why she didn't take it and that they should then go ahead and find someone else. And don't offer anything to her again. Ever. You made the mistake, as many including myself have, of assuming someone complaining means they really want to solve the problem. But that's not usually the case, at least in my experience. People who truly want to better themselves, don't complain all the time, they do something about it.

In all truth, its' probably a good thing she didn't take the job. Now pray she doesn't change her mind, which I predict she will once she hear's someone else got the job. And she will then quite possibly blame either you or start now complaining about the terrible company you work for.

I've been through exactly this scenario before, never again. Just drop it, if she starts to complain tell her you don't want to hear about it, switch the subject. If she won't stop, find better friends.

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