Ex found out about a certain part of my past and dumped me

So I've been dating this guy for about 2 months, but I've been knowing him for a little over a year. When we first started dating I told him most of my past, but I did not mention anything to him about my sugar daddy website past. About 3 years ago I hit rock bottom, I lost my job, got my car repossessed , and got arrested for failing to pay traffic tickets. Before getting my car repossessed and getting arrested a now former friend of mine advised me to get on a sugar daddy website, she was also on the sight and she told me that the guy she was entertained didn't even want sex from her, he would just hang out with her once a week and give her $1000 per week. At that time I was 19 years old, supporting my self and desperate b/c I knew my car was about to be taken for me and I was getting eviction notices. Anyways I went on to sign up for the website, but what she told me and what was happening on the website were two complete different things, men wanted sex for money (surprise surprise). I was not comfortable with this so I decided to not continue with the search for a sugar daddy. After this my car got repoed, I sold clothes and furniture to get it back. And just a month later I got arrested over traffic tickets that I couldn't afford to pay. With so much going on in my life at this point I completely forgot I had this sugar daddy account that i had not cancelled..... a few weeks later I started dating this guy(my ex before this now ex), I really liked this guy, but after a few months his ex found out about me and unleashed hell on me so he would dump be, his ex went online to see if she could find dirt on me and sure enough she found the daddy profile with my picture on it. This lady sent screen shots over to my then bf and he was not happy about this, after telling him what led me to creating this account, he was so hurt that he didn't meet me sooner b/c he felt like he could've helped me. Me and this guy actually had a 1.5 year relationship after that........Fast forward to now I met this amazing guy who I had been knowing for a year, but I never gave him a chance until like i January b/c it took me a long time to get over my ex. On like our second date he told me that he's been liking me ever since the day he met me and he really wanted to take things to the next level( i know, that happened fast) I told him that I've been through a lot in this life and I liked him too, but I wasn't ready to talk about my past to him b/c in a way I didn't want him to judge me. After some time of talking that night I decided that I would tell him everything and give him the chance to walk away before anyone got too emotionally involved. I told him just about everything about me except this one thing b/c it was something that I was still dealing with myself. The reason why this sugar daddy thing was such a huge deal is because when my ex's ex sent him those screen shots she also sent them to other people, so I basically had a whole community of people thinking I am a gold digger and I like to have sex for money...... fast forward to now, my current boyfriend (recent ex) went to a party the other day, and someone sent those same exact screen shots from three years ago to him, and he called me and asked I could sleep over his house so we could go to church together the next day and I said yes, I packed up my clothes and he came to pick me up, when we got to his home he pulled out the screen shots and asked me about them. I was mortified when I saw them, I literally wanted to run away, but I sat down and told him the truth. He got pissed off and asked me to get my clothes and leave his house, he said I hurt him b/c I was not transparent with him and he felt like I betrayed him. I cried and begged for him to hear me out, but at this point he was too angry to hear about anything i had to say. I got myself home and I cried the entire night and I have been crying my eyes out ever since that day, I have not spoken to him ever since then b/c my aunt told me to let him call me when he's ready, but I'm scared that I lost him for good. I did not want to hurt this guy and I have been nothing but faithful to him this entire time. I know we only dated for 2 months, but he was becoming my best friend. HI have a heavy urge to call him and text him, but my family has been advising me to not do that. What should I do please? I do not want to lose this guy. I fear that he will never speak to me again.

You've been a victim of what is similar to revenge porn in a way.

I understand why you did not disclose this information to him voluntarily beforehand - because you did not go through with it. So you did not need to tell him unless something actually happened. He can't say you lied or were not transparent - IMO.

I think you should just tell him the whole story... either he is on your side, and believes you, and supports you, or he can get lost.

Don't cry and beg though. That makes you come across as weak and as if you've done something wrong and are pleading his forgiveness...don't take that angle. Be firm in your position.

However, also take this as a lesson learnt to be careful on the internet - it was reckless not to delete your profile as soon as you knew that this was not what you are about. Please never share anything publicly online that someone can use against you.

Sorry to hear this but how is your life now? Do you have a job, apt, car and legal issues out of the way? Of course your arrests and mug shots are often public records.

It's not that you hurt or betrayed him, but some men will not date women who have been sex workers. And stop calling this client an exbf.

Focus on getting and keeping your life together staying sober and off drugs. You justify way too much and present a pity-party story but it's better to just be more straight forward and be responsible and accountable instead of this long winded story which reeks of a drug habit.

I've been dating this guy for about 2 months. I decided that I would tell him everything and give him the chance to walk away before anyone got too emotionally involved. He got pissed off and asked me to get my clothes and leave his house, he said I hurt him b/c I was not transparent with him and he felt like I betrayed him.

You've only known him for 2 months. Things moving too fast is a huge red flag that you should be wary of. On top of that, this guy judged you quite harshly and kicked you out. Not exactly a gem now is he? Maybe think this through and consider that you really don't want him back after all. He has shown you his colors and they are not pretty. In 2 months you really haven't seen his character at all until just this incident, you've only seen his best effort to woo you and that's not what relationships are built on.

As for the website, have you removed your info? If these are old screenshots that someone sent, you might have some legal protections against this stuff being used to harass you indefinitely. Might be worthwhile to consult with a lawyer who specializes in internet law.

You learned the hard way (unfortunately) that past experiences do come back to haunt you.

Your best bet is to try to explain the situation again to him, but he is likely going to be closed minded at this point and not-trusting that you could be still in a "looking for a sugar daddy" phase.

If that is that case, move on and take it as a lesson learned.

Do what you can to get this information off the internet and out of reach from other people.

Sorry to hear this but how is your life now? Do you have a job, apt, car and legal issues out of the way? Of course your arrests and mug shots are often public records.

 

It's not that you hurt or betrayed him, but some men will not date women who have been sex workers. And stop calling this client an exbf.

 

Focus on getting and keeping your life together staying sober and off drugs. You justify way too much and present a pity-party story but it's better to just be more straight forward and be responsible and accountable instead of this long winded story which reeks of a drug habit.

If you read this carefully, you can see that I was never a sex worker, I clearly stated that I signed up for the account and never actually went through with anything because of the sex stuff. And secondly the first guy was my actual boyfriend for almost two years not a client. Anyways, I managed to pay my legal fees, I have a job that pays me well enough to take care of myself and my bills. Please do not accuse me of doing drugs you don't know me sir, I have never done any drugs in my entire life. This not a pitty party I told the story so people can get where I'm coming from and give me honest answers, I know I was wrong for not disclosing this info and I owned that, so I don't get why you are being rude about this, all I wanted here was some adv, not for someone who clearly didn't read the whole story attempt to put me down.

You've only known him for 2 months. Things moving too fast is a huge red flag that you should be wary of. On top of that, this guy judged you quite harshly and kicked you out. Not exactly a gem now is he? Maybe think this through and consider that you really don't want him back after all. He has shown you his colors and they are not pretty. In 2 months you really haven't seen his character at all until just this incident, you've only seen his best effort to woo you and that's not what relationships are built on.

 

As for the website, have you removed your info? If these are old screenshots that someone sent, you might have some legal protections against this stuff being used to harass you indefinitely. Might be worthwhile to consult with a lawyer who specializes in internet law.

Thank you so much for your input, this account was deleted almost 3 years ago, the person who sent it to him went dug up something from the way back then with the intention to ruin my relationship. I didn't know I can take this person to caught, I will definitely speak to a lawyer

You learned the hard way (unfortunately) that past experiences do come back to haunt you.

Your best bet is to try to explain the situation again to him, but he is likely going to be closed minded at this point and not-trusting that you could be still in a "looking for a sugar daddy" phase.

If that is that case, move on and take it as a lesson learned.

Do what you can to get this information off the internet and out of reach from other people.

Thank you so much, I'm going to try to take legal action, this stuff has been off the internet for almost 3 years now, this person who sent this to him went and dug up a screen shot from three years ago

Excellent. Scan the internet for anything that may pop up. It's best to be forthcoming but without TMI.

I managed to pay my legal fees, I have a job that pays me well enough to take care of myself and my bills.

I mean I'd have dumped you, too. I wouldn't have said anything mean, but I'd likewise ask you to take your things and go. To sympathize a bit with you still, after just two months, he's got no reason to take it super personally and be extremely angered. But, on the same note as being so soon in, he's got no reason in the world to assume you wouldn't have some similar motivations with him. In his shoes, I wouldn't take the chance. Simply too many other fish in the sea.

I don't say that to shame in you in any way, but if you've got spiteful people in your life who unfortunately are the type to air your dirty laundry without hesitation, it may be best to disclose that portion of your history, sooner than later. Definitely not on a first date and preferably after you've gone dutch or even treated the guy. Normally it'd be none of anyone's business and they really wouldn't have any way to find out, but your circumstances are obviously different.

You did what you felt you had to do. It's difficult for me to say you were wrong when I don't know I wouldn't do the same if I found myself in your position and the option were more readily available to men. But suffice it to say, as you've seen, even if done out of necessity, certain things do carry the potential to come back on us.

Best of luck in the future.

This guy is in shock right now and reacted badly. He had the screen shots the whole time but waited for you to get all the way to his house without a ride home before he asked you about them. I am sure he was hoping they were fake.

Let him calm down a week or so and then send him an email explaining everything you did here and leave it at that. It is his choice to decide to try again or not. Be careful though, just because your past is not squeaky clean doesn't mean he gets to look down on you or make you jump through hoops to be with you.

In the future I would refrain from spilling your guts about your past unless specifically asked about it. Of course if there is something serious your partner should know tell them but there is no reason to recount all your bf and sexual partners. Leave the past where is belongs.

Lost

Sorry hon. I have to agree with Jman. It looks like you will need to disclose upfront. And the guy will either believe you or not.

This guy is in shock right now and reacted badly. He had the screen shots the whole time but waited for you to get all the way to his house without a ride home before he asked you about them. I am sure he was hoping they were fake.

 

Let him calm down a week or so and then send him an email explaining everything you did here and leave it at that. It is his choice to decide to try again or not. Be careful though, just because your past is not squeaky clean doesn't mean he gets to look down on you or make you jump through hoops to be with you.

 

In the future I would refrain from spilling your guts about your past unless specifically asked about it. Of course if there I something serious your partner should know tell them but there is no reason to recount all your bf and sexual partners. Leave the past where is belongs.

 

Lost

Thank you so much, my cousin spoke to him yesterday, and he told me that he is in shock and wasn't expecting this. Reach out to him in about a weak or so

You've got a wall of text there, please break it into paragraphs.

your family was right, don't beg anymore. save your dignity. atleast that's the last memory of you to him. if he's acting deaf from the truth, be strong and let him go, begging would make him think you are guilty. act as if nothing happened, be this strong and independent woman. eventually, i know he would spy on you sooner or later. just make sure everytime you step out from your house you are beautiful and happy. for now avoid going to bars, getting drunk. focus on your career just to keep you busy and cry, cry really really hard.

Or, alternatively, if you really don't want to share that tidbit from your past (which I do think would be relatively easiest), I'd be real sure to conduct during dating in a way that couldn't be interpreted to affirm that part of your past. That would include being as equitable as you can be when it comes to pretty much all things money, including dates and gifts. Arguably, that's how it probably should be anyhow, but should for some reason someone send the screenshots again, you'd stand much more of a chance of the guy saying, "That's not who my girlfriend is at all."

your family was right, don't beg anymore. save your dignity. atleast that's the last memory of you to him. if he's acting deaf from the truth, be strong and let him go, begging would make him think you are guilty. act as if nothing happened, be this strong and independent woman. eventually, i know he would spy on you sooner or later. just make sure everytime you step out from your house you are beautiful and happy. for now avoid going to bars, getting drunk. focus on your career just to keep you busy and cry, cry really really hard.

Thank you so much for this dear, I am really doing my best to keep my composure, it's a lot easier b/c the relationship itself was only for 2 months. I will keep moving forward with my life. He met me when I was financially stable, and I even do stuff for him with my own money, so I don't know why he is treating me like this

Or, alternatively, if you really don't want to share that tidbit from your past (which I do think would be relatively easiest), I'd be real sure to conduct during dating in a way that couldn't be interpreted to affirm that part of your past. That would include being as equitable as you can be when it comes to pretty much all things money, including dates and gifts. Arguably, that's how it probably should be anyhow, but should for some reason someone send the screenshots again, you'd stand much more of a chance of the guy saying, "That's not who my girlfriend is at all."

J.man I told this man that there is a lot about my past that he didn't know. With the money thing in these past two months that we've been dating, I never asked him for a single thing. I have taken him out on dates just as he has been taking me out, every Sunday I go to the grocery store buy food for him and make him his weekly meal preps b/c he really likes working out. On his birthday which was last month, I went out and bought him a gift that he wanted and he was shocked b/c he thought no one would spend that much money on him because no one had ever done that for him. I never got money from the men on that website b/c I couldn't stomach the thought of going through with it. I have shown this man that I care for him in more ways than one, I even do his laundry. One day he will realize this

Hello CBC2000, I'm sorry to hear you're going through this. Could you try doing the following:

1) Contact that site and ask them if they have any record of paying you or any record of the activity of that user account that you created with them. If they do then it should show that you did nothing. Forward this information to your ex and keep it on hand to clear up any misunderstanding in the future.

2) If they don't have any information on you, keep their response that they don't to show any activity. Now look at your taxes for that year. If you worked for them and they gave you a W2 you should have one for them and it should be reflected in your taxes. Since you didn't, you won't and the numbers should add up to show that you didn't. Show this to your ex and explain that you are innocent.

3) In your e-mail account you should have an e-mail from when you signed up with them and when you terminated their services. There should be dates on these e-mails which will show the duration in time as to how long you were signed up. Show these as proof that your duration was small, perhaps small enough to show that nothing even could've happened.

4) Most banks keep records of your banking within the time range in question. Either print from online or go to the bank and ask for a copy of your banking for that whole year and the year after it. Their records should show that you never cashed a check or received a direct deposit from this site ever. Present that as evidence to this guy.

The issue is having difficulty in taking your word for what happened. This proof will make it so they don't have to take your word for it. They have screenshots and now you have proof, show him the proof and if he still doesn't want to believe you then at least you will know you've done your part.

I hope things work out for you.

I'm sorry you went through all of that. We were all young at one point, some of us have struggles and some of us are more fortunate. You went onto the site out of desperation, but you DID not date the men for money. Therefore, I'm assuming you didn't go along with the sugar daddy thing? You just had your profile up?

If that's the case; your boyfriend has reacted very badly. I get it, he saw your screenshot. At the same time, he could have listen to the full story instead of jumping to conclusions.

As much as you really care and want to be with him, do you think you will be happy in the long term? Don't you want to be with someone whom understands you, whom will give you the benefit of the doubt? It's also your past, if he can't accept it, than he's not accepting you. Therefore, there will be many many more arguments down the road. The relationship will end up one-sided and will eventually blow up.

I say you take this as a lesson learnt, perhaps be upfront about the sugar daddy thing when you meet someone new. Could you get your profile remove from the site? I will first do that. Spend this time to work on yourself. Accept your past for what is is, you can not change it. Hopefully you will find a more suitable mate in the future.

Hello CBC2000, I'm sorry to hear you're going through this. Could you try doing the following:

 

1) Contact that site and ask them if they have any record of paying you or any record of the activity of that user account that you created with them. If they do then it should show that you did nothing. Forward this information to your ex and keep it on hand to clear up any misunderstanding in the future.

 

2) If they don't have any information on you, keep their response that they don't to show any activity. Now look at your taxes for that year. If you worked for them and they gave you a W2 you should have one for them and it should be reflected in your taxes. Since you didn't, you won't and the numbers should add up to show that you didn't. Show this to your ex and explain that you are innocent.

 

3) In your e-mail account you should have an e-mail from when you signed up with them and when you terminated their services. There should be dates on these e-mails which will show the duration in time as to how long you were signed up. Show these as proof that your duration was small, perhaps small enough to show that nothing even could've happened.

 

4) Most banks keep records of your banking within the time range in question. Either print from online or go to the bank and ask for a copy of your banking for that whole year and the year after it. Their records should show that you never cashed a check or received a direct deposit from this site ever. Present that as evidence to this guy.

 

The issue is having difficulty in taking your word for what happened. This proof will make it so they don't have to take your word for it. They have screenshots and now you have proof, show him the proof and if he still doesn't want to believe you then at least you will know you've done your part.

 

I hope things work out for you.

You have been so helpful, I didn't think this far ahead at all, I will go through my emails to see when it was cancelled and also go through my bank statements. I had no clue they sent w2s for that type of thing. Thank you so much, you have been more than informative

They don't issue w2 for sugar daddy dates. Also after 2 mos and his over reaction, he's not worth chasing or proving anything to.

Never under any circumstances show someone you only know 2 mos a tax return or other highly confidential personal information.

I had no clue they sent w2s for that type of thing. Thank you so much, you have been more than informative

J.man I told this man that there is a lot about my past that he didn't know. With the money thing in these past two months that we've been dating, I never asked him for a single thing. I have taken him out on dates just as he has been taking me out, every Sunday I go to the grocery store buy food for him and make him his weekly meal preps b/c he really likes working out. On his birthday which was last month, I went out and bought him a gift that he wanted and he was shocked b/c he thought no one would spend that much money on him because no one had ever done that for him. I never got money from the men on that website b/c I couldn't stomach the thought of going through with it. I have shown this man that I care for him in more ways than one, I even do his laundry. One day he will realize this

Hello, I'm very sorry this happened. I can see why a guy would be wary about you or even end the relationship but I don't see a reason for him to be mean or treat you like that. Please don't put yourself in a begging situation or let him treat you badly or take advantage of you because he feels that you made a mistake in your past.

I think he has nothing to do with that because you didn't even follow it through, but because that information is still accessible like Jman and others said, you should disclose that upfront next time you begin a relationship and explain what happened at the time and why you did that. If you feel the need you can send him an email explaining everything like you explained here but I wouldn't suggest more than that. You did nothing wrong and you should held your head up high.

If you're still being harassed for that I also suggest that you seek legal advice. You don't need to prove anything to anybody but if you feel the need if this comes back to haunt you, it's a good idea to do what another user suggested of asking the website for some proof that you didn't use its services.

I'm a bit worried with you doing so much for him after just 2 months into the relationship. That's why I'm concerned that you put yourself in an inferiority or begging position with him. Don't do that and don't let him hold this against you.

Good luck.

Hello, I'm very sorry this happened. I can see why a guy would be wary about you or even end the relationship but I don't see a reason for him to be mean or treat you like that. Please don't put yourself in a begging situation or let him treat you badly or take advantage of you because he feels that you made a mistake in your past.

I think he has nothing to do with that because you didn't even follow it through, but because that information is still accessible like Jman and others said, you should disclose that upfront next time you begin a relationship and explain what happened at the time and why you did that. If you feel the need you can send him an email explaining everything like you explained here but I wouldn't suggest more than that. You did nothing wrong and you should held your head up high.

 

If you're still being harassed for that I also suggest that you seek legal advice. You don't need to prove anything to anybody but if you feel the need if this comes back to haunt you, it's a good idea to do what another user suggested of asking the website for some proof that you didn't use its services.

 

I'm a bit worried with you doing so much for him after just 2 months into the relationship. That's why I'm concerned that you put yourself in an inferiority or begging position with him. Don't do that and don't let him hold this against you.

 

Good luck.

Thank you Annia, I will not beg anymore, the last time I spoke to him was the day it all happened, but writing some of these things, I do realize that I've done more than I should've done for him in the past few months.

They don't issue w2 for sugar daddy dates. Also after 2 mos and his over reaction, he's not worth chasing or proving anything to.

 

Never under any circumstances show someone you only know 2 mos a tax return or other highly confidential personal information.

I did forget to mention that. Please blot out your SSN, date of birth, and any account numbers before presenting proof. Having a profile pic being sent around tarnishing your name is bad. Having your account number as a pic being sent around will easily create an identity theft problem and will be worse.

If you were employed by the site then I could see them sending a W2. Either case though, any earnings should show up on your taxes as taxable income, W2 or not.

Also, Chase bank will allow you to print your history online for maybe 3 years, but if you go to their office they do have access to more history and can print even more. This may be true for your bank as well so if you can't print from online, please visit a branch.

Once you have these records available you should explain to this ex and the ex before this one. If these guys are showing your profile pic to any new guy you meet thinking they're doing the right thing then they should stop after proof. If they can forward the proof to anyone else they know that's doing the same thing to you then even better.

Hopefully you're life will get better after this. Sorry again you went through this, but I'm glad you did retain some e-mails and have a path out of this.