My husband is sending me mixed signals....

I suspect my husband is having an emotional affair through text message. He meant his fishing buddy online.

They exchange texts often. He used to lock all her messages (in that they could not be deleted) how ever they were still visible.

I saw them one night and read some messages that caused alarm bells to go off. They sent funny selfies. And she has told him once that "She was thinking about him" and he responded with I like that. I confronted him on it and I probably had bad timing. But he assured me that they were just friends, that he wasn't cheating on me.

I accepted for a bit. Until late last week when I looked on his phone and saw that he didn't keep the messages in the thread, like you could tell they had been deleted.

I was offended but didn't know how to confront him on this.

Over the weekend, we went to a bead show and he told his female friend. He told her how he was hoping to find this strong string. She responded that another reason she likes him is because he knows who he is.

He told me she once told him she liked his hands because they are not manicured like other men

While we were at one booth we were looking at rings and he mentioned he should get his female friend a ring cause she likes butterflies. My reaction was.... WHAT!?

He kind of laughed it off at first but addressed it later when we left. His reasoning was friends give each other gifts and do things for each other.

Last night before bed he sent her two messages. He let me read both, but I suspect out of guilt. The second message was about how he felt he needed to get mentally ready for work in the morning. She didn't respond to either (maybe alsleep).

He doesn't think this is cheating because there hasn't been anything physical, but I feel he is having an emotional affair. I don't know how to handle this and each time he assures me that they are just friends. I'm scared.

I thought we were best friends and lovers but now I can't help but wonder what they text about, if he texts her more than me.

It's definitely an emotional affair. What to do from here is hard to say, but I think it's okay for you to create boundaries and even issue an ultimatum. There are risks involved, but doing nothing is pretty risky as well.

How long have you been married?

Has the sex life changed since the beginning?

Do you communicate well?

Agree they sound a bit too close for comfort. Ask your husband to go to marriage therapy with you, or go alone. "We're just friends" could change in an instant and of course, this won't be announced to you. Explain what you stated here that you two should be best friends and that this side of things is slipping away.

This is already an emotional affair in my books, too. The frequency of the messages coupled with her obvious come-ons (the reasons she "likes" him) and his responses to them, not to mention his gift idea, spell trouble.

How was your marriage prior to this? I would follow Wiseman's suggestion of attending therapy, and don't be afraid to lay down your boundaries with this friendship. Get tough. I personally don't think opposite-sex friends are generally a problem, but this is skating a thin line given your description of their interactions. You are his wife. Stand up for yourself.

Have you ever met this woman? You should suggest that you all grab dinner together and gauge his reaction.

Sometimes I read these stories and what I find the most baffling and upsetting about them is that at no point do I read that they stopped their partner after s/he said something dumb like whether they should buy a butterfly ring for another woman and asked them, "Are you an idiot?"

Seriously. That deserved a discussion because that's a brain I really want to understand. "So, dear, what in your mind told you it was a good idea to say, in front of me, your wife, that you should buy another woman a butterfly ring? I'm genuinely curious. Dumbfounded, and curious."

. . .looking at rings with his and wife and thinking how nice it would be to give one to another woman? After all he knows her favorites are butterflies.

As for her - when comparing other men, she prefers his manly hands.

Yikes. . I agree. Invite his `friend' over. After all they are just friends, right?

I thought we were best friends and lovers but now I can't help but wonder what they text about, if he texts her more than me.

Is this your question? As his wife, you shouldn't be in competition with another woman for his attention.

If you find yourself there, then it's gone way too far.

I don't understand why you are being so passive about this whole thing.

It's time to stand up for yourself and your marriage.

I would not be buying other women jewelry at all unless it was family and for a specific occasion, bday, Christmas etc..

These are gifts for fishing buddies:

]

I've been told I have nice hands cause there not sausage fingers like most men have. I think this guy doesn't know boundaries he should understand what's correct and what isnt.

I've been told I have nice hands cause there not sausage fingers like most men have.

I think this guy doesn't know boundaries he should understand what's correct and what isnt.

Most guys' hands are manicured?

This is bizarre, he should be buying you butterfly rings, not fishing buddies. Buy fishing buddy a beer, not a ring.

"I can't help but wonder what they text about,..."

- At this point the content is not as important as the infidelity itself.

Don't feel bad about any perceived mistakes.

Bluster and ignorance are normal for the uninitiated.

Helpful hints:

- Secretly purchase James Dobson's "Love must be Tough" (Never let him see this book.)

- Don't think this is a passing phase.

- Wives who waste time lose their husbands.

- Start using a device he can never have access to.

- Keep coming back for more help.

Thanks for all the advice. My husband and I had a talk yesterday. I sent him an article on what emotional affairs look like and asked him to read it. He read it twice. He was willing to have a heart to heart. I made a point of setting boundaries and told him exactly how I felt. He wondered why I didn't share with him how I felt. I told him I needed to collect my thoughts. He was also willing​ to do whatever it takes do build my confidence and trust in him. He even suggested that he delete and block her number. I know we was sincere, he always has been.

Thanks for all the advice. My husband and I had a talk yesterday. I sent him an article on what emotional affairs look like and asked him to read it. He read it twice. He was willing to have a heart to heart. I made a point of setting boundaries and told him exactly how I felt. He wondered why I didn't share with him how I felt. I told him I needed to collect my thoughts. He was also willing​ to do whatever it takes do build my confidence and trust in him. He even suggested that he delete and block her number. I know we was sincere, he always has been.

Keep up that solid communication. The touchy subjects should always be open dialogue in a healthy relationship

Yes it was an emotional affair. Their connection doesn't have anything to do with friendship ... it is because they are attracted to each other, or at least to the fantasy they have created about each other.

I'm glad he had the good sense to realise what he was doing .... but it doesn't alter the fact that he allowed it to happen. Still, all you can do now is see whether or not he keeps up to his side of the bargain.

"I sent him an article on what emotional affairs look like and asked him to read it."

- A common mistake. He's not stupid and knows exactly what he's doing.

Sorry, but it's not going away that easy.

OP I am glad for your talk with your husband. However, it doesn't sound credible to me. I suspect the following happened:

Would you like me to delete and block her phone numbers?

And you said

No, that isn't necessary. So long as I know you will put me first.

He knew you wanted the block to come from him, not to be something you require. So you didn't require it, and he didn't do it.

I doubt he would end this Friendship cold turkey, without a game plan to hide it, or a period of mourning while he lets it go.

What is happening at home now? Has he turned in to you, as would be best? Is he investing his thoughts in you?

You should have agreed with him when he offered to block and delete her. You should have told him to go ahead and do it then and there. You should have demanded that he never see her again. You are not his casual girlfriend. You are his wife.

Why did you think it was okay for him to have a female "fishing buddy" in the first place. Have you ever seen Brokeback Mountain? Those men carried on an affair for years, under the guise of being fishing buddies.