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Thread: Girlfriend says sex is painful now

  1. #1
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    Girlfriend says sex is painful now

    My girlfriend and I are both 18. We've been together for about 6 months now. We've had a great sex life until recently. About 4 months ago she went on birth control. About 2 months after that she said sex was painful for her now. I thought nothing of it and she said it was the birth control and wanted to take a month break from sex and I was completely okay with it and waited. We recently had sex again and it still was a little painful. What worries me is that after that, she said she thinks the cause is that she's still emotionally damaged from her ex boyfriend and that she wants to have less rough sex. I'm completely okay with that, but when we first met she said she liked having rough sex, and she enjoyed it then and now not only is it painful she doesn't enjoy it as much. I'm not concerned about making these changes, I'm worried that there's a deeper cause that has to do something with me that she's not telling me. Maybe I just need to work on my insecurities? I just don't know why she told me it was birth control and now she thinks it's because she's damaged from her ex. Do you think I have anything to worry about? Thanks for you help in this matter

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sounds like conflicting reasons - Is it physical like the bc or mental like being hung up on her ex? Were you on condoms before? What does she mean by painful? Dry or not ready?

    Ok back off and ask her to see her doctor and also if she is in touch with this ex and why is that suddenly a problem
    Originally Posted by boulderboi2017
    4 months ago she went on birth control. About 2 months after that she said sex was painful for her now. she said she thinks the cause is that she's still emotionally damaged from her ex boyfriend.

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    Maybe try focusing on the type of sex she does want to have, rather than the type she doesnt.

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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Sounds like conflicting reasons - Is it physical like the bc or mental like being hung up on her ex? Were you on condoms before? What does she mean by painful? Dry or not ready?

    Ok back off and ask her to see her doctor and also if she is in touch with this ex and why is that suddenly a problem
    She says it's physically painful when we have rougher sex, she hasn't really given me a reason. I don't think she's hung up on her ex, she says that if there's one thing she's good at it's being loyal. I highly doubt she's in contact with her ex, she always says how great I treat her and how happy she is she found me but I'll ask. I confronted her and asked if it had anything to do with me and she said that it didn't, it was just her body "going through changes" although I don't see why that would be her being damaged from her ex.

    I asked her about seeing a doctor awhile ago and she immediately got defensive and said she didn't want to because she hates doctors and especially what they have to do in order to check that part of the body.

    We used to use condoms and then when she went on birth control we stopped and everything was okay at first.

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    Why hasn't she seen the doctor? This is common sense to me.

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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Sounds like conflicting reasons - Is it physical like the bc or mental like being hung up on her ex? Were you on condoms before? What does she mean by painful? Dry or not ready?

    Ok back off and ask her to see her doctor and also if she is in touch with this ex and why is that suddenly a problem
    It's physically painful for her, she hasn't said what's causing it like whether it's dry or anything. We were on condoms and switched when she began birth control, and everything was okay at first. I don't think she's hung up on her ex, she says that she's extremely loyal to me. I asked her if it had anything to do with me and she promised it didn't but I'm still worried.

    I asked her about going to a doctor earlier and she immediately got defensive and said she didn't like doctors.

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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    Why hasn't she seen the doctor? This is common sense to me.
    When I asked she got defensive and said she doesn't like going to the doctors because it makes her uncomfortable

  9. #8
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    To me it sounds as though the damage from her past relationship is now surfacing and she is realising how painful it was for her (physically and emotionally). That doesn't necessarily mean she is not over him, but rather she is processing all of it and realising how much of it was forced on her and something she did not enjoy.

    I, too think if it got to be too physically painful for her that she should get checked to make sure she doesn't have any issues going on down below, but I don't think this is you at all.

    I think she needs you to be understanding and gentle with her now so she can enjoy sex again without it being something that is too harsh and rough for her.

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    Originally Posted by boulderboi2017
    When I asked she got defensive and said she doesn't like going to the doctors because it makes her uncomfortable
    Good grief.

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    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    I dont like doctors either but if I was experiencing what she is, I'd have already been to one! She's being foolish to avoid a doctor if there's a chance there's a physical problem.

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