My fiance and his ex

Okay so me and my fiance are going to be getting married in a year and i love him and im so happy with him. But his ex wife who he has a son with recently has come into the picture alot. I dont mind because i have a daughter with another guy and when i do talk to her father its just stuff about our child and occasionally we ask how each of us is doing. So i understand the relationship a mother and father have to keep. However, i was sitting with him on the couch one night and his ex wife had messaged him and he opened it me and him both saw it was a picture of her and he closed it real quick. I immediately brought up why she is sending him pics of her when it should just be their son. And he got all defensive and said she was just asking how her glasses looked...uh huh...i know women. Anyways so i dont know if anyone knows what voxer is but its an app similar to texting and walkie talkie. So i pull up his voxer account and take a little look at what they have been talking about. I notice that they have been sending more pics of themselves than their son, nothing nude, and constantly complementing each other on their looks. She apparently moved closer to us and he never once said anything to me about it. He even had the audacity to ask why she couldnt move sooner--when i confronted him about that he claims just for his son to be closer but couldnt he make that clear to her? Also the fact that he vented to her about my mom being a and she clearly states you know how to pick them which was a jab at me. He asked if she wanted to move into our spare and she couldnt say my name she called me is significant other wouldnt like that. By the way he never told me any of this which i know why because it would have been a big hell no. I want to believe him when he says he loves only me he chose me. But yet he says shes his best friend. Shouldnt i be his best friend? I suck at confrontation and this happened weeks ago and its still on my mind and i just really badly want to talk to him i just dont know how to word things or say things because its the mother of his child. But at the same time i keep thinking is the flirtation still going on?! I kept his voxer opened on mine phone without him knowing but she hasnt messaged him on there. But he told me that he has recently talked to her about their child support order so that means he is now texting her on his phone because he knows i have his voxer information. I just dont think i can trust him. Theres too much information that was held back from me. And i feel like he did it intentionally even though he said he didnt. I feel like its all lies.

Very not okay. I think having a discussion with him is the next step. If it doesn't go well, or if he gets defensive, you may want to reconsider the engagement/relationship.

Do you live together? How long have you been dating? It sounds like they decided to remain friends and knowing this upsets you,he keeps it under wraps.

Unfortunately there is not much you can do since they co-parent and perhaps get along better than you and your child's father? They went through the whole divorce so she doesn't seem like a threat to you, right?

It seems he confides in her rather than you at times which isn't cool, but perhaps you are a bit too restrictive and explosive to talk to? Have you wondered about your communication with him?

Suspicion and snooping is not a very auspicious beginning. Ultimately this is about gaps in your relationship, not about her. Do not get married without a lot of premarital counselling, start now. It will cover exes, children, in laws, communication, etc.

ex wife who he has a son with recently has come into the picture alot. So i pull up his voxer account and take a little look at what they have been talking about. i confronted him about that he claims just for his son to be closer I kept his voxer opened on mine phone without him knowing.

I guess i was askinv for trouble by posting this lol

We have been together for 3 years we have a son. They never claimed to like each other until recently. This has nothing to do with me overreacting. It has everything to do with respecting your partner.

This is very disrespectful to you and your relationship, and completely inappropriate. I mean, was he being serious when he asked her if she wanted to move in???

I wouldn't be trusting him either. I get that you're tied to an extent because of your own child, but I personally would be backing out of this relationship SOOOOOO fast...

At the very least, tell him that there are certain things troubling you and you want to break off the engagement.

Im definitely going to talk to him. And see how he reacts. I asked him point blank whether or not he wants to go back to her and he says no not at all he couldnt stand the fighting all the time. But theres a small voice in the back of head still wondering whether or not its true

Im definitely going to talk to him. And see how he reacts. I asked him point blank whether or not he wants to go back to her and he says no not at all he couldnt stand the fighting all the time. But theres a small voice in the back of head still wondering whether or not its true

You don't actually have to be in a relationship with someone to be really emotionally involved with them. Constant fighting will bind him to his ex as strongly as being committed to her.

I think this is really bad, hjustice. Do you have to marry him? He complains about your mom to her, invites her to stay with you without asking you first. She obviously doesn't respect you, and yet she is his 'best friend?' I don't think this problem is going to go away.

Not good.

They're heading down a slippery slope with the nature of their conversations. It needs to stop. The fact that he isn't setting appropriate boundaries with her is very troubling. Two people can co-parent peacefully without carrying on like they are.

I know. I want to work through this. But hes such a hard person to talk to he gets so defensive. I tried to show him what was wrong with all the conversations and he says he was just being nice. Well there is a such thing as too nice! And she says she has a boyfriend but i took it upon myself to search her facebook and there is no man in her life! He thinks i just swept it under the rug but i cant.

Ok then there is an incentive to salvage this. Are they just too chummy? Agree you two should be 'best friends' and he should not be confiding in her or gossiping to her about you or any problems.

This is why premarital or any counselling for that matter is imperative, since he needs to hear this from a pro, not just you.

We have been together for 3 years we have a son. They never claimed to like each other until recently.

I agree cause he just says im being crazy

Yes. Red flags galore! Same EXACT thing happened to my sister. It started with innocent convo between her husband and his ex. (That the husband supposedly hated) Then, they began sharing pics; commenting on how good each of them look. And when anything in their life whether good or bad, happened; he'd confide in his ex instead of my sister.

Long story short-within 9 months, the emotional affair turned into a full blown physical, emotional, psychological affair. Eventually, he came back begging my sister for reconciliation. In marriage counseling, he claimed the reason he did it was because he felt emotionally distanced and when his wife wouldn't give it, he began looking elsewhere, in the comfort of his ex.

(Still not a reason to have an affair, but it was his logic)

Now, I'm not saying this is what's happening in your situation but just be on the look out for them two getting closer and closer. It doesn't happen overnight so vigilance and a long discussion (maybe all 3 of you?-) I think is in order.

Good luck.