I Lost Myself Trying To Save Him

Hi everyone,

New to the forum. I've been going through a hellish breakup with my ex fiancee. We've been together for almost 2 years.

He is addicted to Meth and Alcohol. Been arrested for Meth possession 3 times in 6 months. He is addicted to porn 200 or more pages of videos a day. I've also seen emails to women who are looking to get "spun and " He's on dating/sex hookup sites.

He only associated with drug addicts and drug dealers. I am not involved in any of that. He would lie about going to work.

We lived together and he wouldn't help pay the bills equally. Maybe $150 here and there but I paid everything else.

I was used for money, a place to live, food to eat and sex. I was a pawn to make it look like he was an upstanding citizen.

When nobody was around he would beat me into submission. Tell me how I'm a , fat ass, . This isn't in the BDSM sense this is the abusive sense where I became terrified of him. He is addicted to Meth and it makes him a demon. He pulled my hair out. He spit in my face. He would forcefully shove it in my mouth until I would have to gag and vomit.

He left for work in another state. I saw he is actively seeking meth and sex in the place he is working. I changed my number and threw away the phone he got for me. I deleted my facebook and instagram pages. I told him that he is not allowed to come back to the home and not allowed to contact me or my kids unless he is in treatment for drug and sex addiction. He never responded. It's been a week.

He's supposed to be in town for 1 day to go to court. I asked his mom to come get his stuff. She won't. She enables him. He "sounds" clean. LMFAO what? OK. Cool. He isn't.

To me it's been like a painful death. Each day I reclaim myself a little bit more. I watched a video of people smoking Meth and they call it a demonic possession. The images of meth smoke resemble demons. It's really ing eerie to see.

Realizing that his tooth fell out and he vomits blood meth has him. Constantly.

I need to be surrounded by people who are trying to be better everyday. It encourages me to be better everyday.

I suggest you get counseling. Pronto!

You should have been out of this, as soon as you found about the addiction (porn or meth). Stop blaming the meth. There are many underlying problems, here. He is a cheating, lying, violent drug addict None of this forgivable.

I cannot understand how you would even consider taking this loser back, even with therapy - which would take YEARS. I would bet the majority of the relationship, has been like this.

Focus on you, and why you were attracted to, and accepted any of this.

I dnt know a lot about abusive relationships with drug addicts or anyone else but what I do know is that once you accept his behavior under the guise of trying to help or save him, he will lose all respect for you. Him having no respect for you, justifies in his warped brain, him abusing you, it's a vicsious cycle.

I agree with Hollyj, focus on you and why you attracted, stayed and accepted this.

That's extremely painful to read. I think it's time to seek professional help in order to help you see why you think so little of yourself, and accept this type of treatment. In addition to that, if your children are living at home and living in this environment, that alone would likely be considered abuse.

At any rate, you can't possibly go on like this, and it's time to admit that enough is enough.

Sorry to hear this. Are you involved in drugs? Because if you were involved with him you are involved in that lifestyle.

You can't fix change or rescue someone. Therapists, sober support, groups and rehab is for that, not relationships.

Do Not Expose Your Children To This. Save Yourself And Your Children, Not Him.

Get a restraining order and no, don't take him back if he promises this or that. Keep this criminal addict out of your kid's lives.

He is addicted to Meth and Alcohol. Been arrested for Meth possession 3 times in 6 months.

We lived together and he wouldn't help pay the bills equally. He left for work in another state. I changed my number and threw away the phone he got for me. I deleted my facebook and instagram pages. I told him that he is not allowed to come back to the home and not allowed to contact me or my kids unless he is in treatment for drug and sex addiction.

I do not use drugs. I didn't know what the signs were until his stories would unravel. That's when the abuse happened. I'm working on getting my self esteem back. We were high school sweethearts and reconnected after 20 years. Silly me I assumed he was still a good person but life happened and he is a monster. I am waiting to see how long he will be put in prison. Here in my city women are not protected from abusers the courts literally just say :stay away from her or else... And then we end up dead.

Can you move in with family?

Just go no contact, delete and block him and get a restraining order if needed. Think about your kids,

not him. He's a dirtbag.

I am waiting to see how long he will be put in prison

Can you move in with family?

My home is safe. He isn't on the lease. I live in a small community where the homeowners are very protective of one another.

In my state he is facing 3 counts for felony meth possession. If I get a restraining order on him he'd only get a month but if he gets convicted of the drug charges he'd be put away much longer.

As other suggested: counseling. I commend you for getting out of the abuse circle and putting your and your kids' safety in the first place. Keep on being strong and remember that this is his hell, not yours. You couldn't have done anything to help him.

You can't help these people. They need to get there by themselves but meanwhile they'll destroy everything around them. I suggest that even if he goes to rehab or whatever, you never talk to him again. I also suggest that you pack all of his stuff and deliver them to his mother by post. And NC all the way. Block him everywhere and avoid him at all cost. Your children need you,not him. It's up to him to solve his mess and get help. You did all you could. Never accept him back or you'll be enabling his behaviour and putting you and your children at risk.

Therapy will help you analyse why you fell for this abusive dynamic and will help you cope and get stronger so that you can move on faster. It's important to break off this abuse cycle. You might have broken up, but that doesn't mean that you don't need to address some issues so that you don't fall for an abusive relationship next time and stop everything as soon as you see red flags. You should also have a good support network of friends and family. If not possible, it's always good to go to therapy group sessions too, where there are other people that also dealt with abusive drug addicts. It is also important to shift your focus off him and start focusing on family, friends and hobbies. It's better that you don't know anything about him or what he's doing at the moment or the felonies he's dealing with. You can do this, keep strong.

Good luck.

Sorry to hear this. Are you involved in drugs? Because if you were involved with him you are involved in that lifestyle.

You can't fix change or rescue someone. Therapists, sober support, groups and rehab is for that, not relationships.

 

Do Not Expose Your Children To This. Save Yourself And Your Children, Not Him.

 

Get a restraining order and no, don't take him back if he promises this or that. Keep this criminal addict out of your kid's lives.

Everyone should read this. Relationships with this kind of people trying to save them does the opposite effect. It enables them and gives them reasurance that no matter what they do, there's always someone paying for their mistakes and taking their blows. So why change?

Do you want to help someone and contribute for their growth in a compassionate way? Let them pay for their mistakes, let them learn with them and let them be who they are. Let them take responsibility. Drugs and porn can only do so much... he's still the one behind the abuse and he's still the one choosing to be abusive. Know when to leave and protect yourself. Have love and compassion for yourself.

I am regaining my life. Today I actually felt sacred not scared. I feel that no one has the right to be the way he was to me. I spoke openly to the prosecutor to tell him everything I know and also provided proof. He has an outstanding failure to appear bench warrant in a nearby county. I also called that county to tell them where he will be on the 22nd. The sheriff immediately forwarded their warrant to our county to be flagged. I hope that the judge detains him and that the rest of the court time will be him sitting in jail and eventually to prison.

I hope you get rid of him for good.