Ditched by an Intimate Lover/Co-Worker

Hello people. I'm heart broken over this girl I work with. She just got out of a year relationship and pretty soon after she started flirting with me at work. She is 20 and I'm 28, but none the less I was very intrigued. Long story short, we spent a very intimate night together at my house. She confessed that she wasn't looking for a boyfriend but just a "friend's with benefits" relationship with one person for a while. She chose me and being a little lonely myself I obliged.

We spent lots of intimate time together full of great sex and laughter. However things started getting very intimate. We cuddled all night, kissed before work, texted very often, and then started talking of making this connection last for as long as possible. I was on cloud 9! Blissed out from all this affection.

This lasted for 2 weeks and then about when the third week rolls around she suddenly stops texting and slowly responds to my texts. No plans were being made, and at work she seemed slightly aloof to my presence. This lasted several days... Then on a Thursday night we meet up at my place but she seems less excited and at one point mentions that she will be going on a hike with this guy friends of hers tomorrow. But the way she mentioned it seemed almost ominous...

So next morning we wake up together and make plans for us to go hiking next Wednesday. Even though it's almost a week out I know she'll want to see me before then. I was wrong.... Almost a week goes by and I get what's seems to be a silent treatment. I reach out to her but her responses are very brief. I start getting uneasy about it because at this point I've got feelings for her.

So Tuesday she finally texts me asking if we are still hiking tomorrow (Wednesday). I say yes! Next day she texts that she's too hungover to hike but still wants to see me later that night. I'm aggravated at this point and express my disappointment but encourage her to take care of herself. She promised she'd see me tonight. I asked her to text when she is ready.

It gets very late and she hasn't texted. So I text and say: "It's late and you're hungover so gets some sleep. I'll see you when it's more convenient." No reply.... I then see her the next day at work and she is being avoidant. She rushes out of work to gets ready to return for the next shift. I text her and say: "This is a bad way to go about things... I feel disrespected." She replies: "what are you talking about? Well I think I can guess..." I respond: "We made plans for the night but you stood me up. Maybe it was a miscommunication. I'll brush it off." I shouldn't have said "I'll brush it off..." But I did. She gave no reply and avoided me that night at work.

I'm angry and disappointed and I feel duped. It's been a couple days now and she now gives me eye contact at work, sad eyes... Guilty eyes... She clearly seems ashamed of herself. But no talking, no texts. I dread working with her. It hurts to see her.

*So my 2 questions are: What was all that about?! Going from fire hot to just plane cold?

*And my second question: I feel the urge to want to ask her to give me five minutes of her time so that we can clear the air, move on, and not feel awkward at work. I feel that's me taking a mature stand, even if she won't. Should I even try to professionally clear the air with her?

She stated clearly fwb only!!!

And all of a sudden you are making plans like you are her bf! Which she clearly doesn't want. She likely had other fwb's, so take your place in the queue.

If you don't like it, leave it.

It sounds like she has a new love interest and does not know how to let you down, honestly. She is only 20 years old, so she cannot be expected to be graceful about it. You should not attempt to have any special talks with her about her behavior. You need to treat her exactly as you treat other employees where you work because now all that she is to you is a coworker. chi

She just got out of a long-term relationship, and she told you she only wanted a FWB situation. Where is the surprise.

Dude, you were only hooking up for two weeks, not two years.

DO NOT pull her aside, just be cordial.

She sounds like a flaky 20 year old ... If I were her age I would be acting the same way. Im sure I did. She probably doesn't even realize her nonchalant attitude.

You are 28 ....and way too mature for her and in a different place in life. Trust me you don't want her drama...

Yes its just 2 weeks , its nothing . what if you got her up the duff. would you be ok with this .

"what if you got her up the duff." Please translate.

Yes she did say that however she was the intiater of all the boyfriend/girlfriend behavior. I just foolishly fell into it. But my main concern is that we both felt each other to be friends now and agreed to always keep in communication about things. What she did was not treat me like I would expect a friend to treat me. Silent treatment is no way to treat a friend. I just have to accept our maturity differences and accept my stupidity in putting TOO much trust in her. It's been a while bro... hadn't felt intimate to someone in a LONG time. Being honest.

Yes she did say that however she was the intiater of all the boyfriend/girlfriend behavior. I just foolishly fell into it. But my main concern is that we both felt each other to be friends now and agreed to always keep in communication about things. What she did was not treat me like I would expect a friend to treat me. Silent treatment is no way to treat a friend. I just have to accept our maturity differences and accept my stupidity in putting TOO much trust in her. It's been a while bro... hadn't felt intimate to someone in a LONG time. Being honest.

Be careful about assigning motivation to her. She may be silent because she is overwhelmed about what to say, and trying to sort for herself.

Be careful about assigning motivation to her. She may be silent because she is overwhelmed about what to say, and trying to sort for herself.

Thanks for the advice. You know even though she is very young we spent times together and gestures were made on her end that showed genuine care and concern for my well-being. I only wish we could act upon our care for each other and find a way to clear the thick air between us. Some say time will.... But I think an effort has to be made as well as time. Of her "confusion" or whatever won't allow her to communicate then I feel the need to assist in politely bridging the gap by being the one who initiates honest yet respectful communication about whats going on. I won't push for it. I may just give it an effort to gauge if she is willing to talk it through. I would do this for a friend.

Yes she did say that however she was the intiater of all the boyfriend/girlfriend behavior. I just foolishly fell into it. But my main concern is that we both felt each other to be friends now and agreed to always keep in communication about things. What she did was not treat me like I would expect a friend to treat me. Silent treatment is no way to treat a friend. I just have to accept our maturity differences and accept my stupidity in putting TOO much trust in her. It's been a while bro... hadn't felt intimate to someone in a LONG time. Being honest.

I think you are unfairly blaming her for your own over-investment in a FWB relationship. You are the one who assigned meaning to the cuddling and intimacy after she very clearly stated her intentions. It is unrealistic to expect anyone to always keep in communication about things, friend, girlfriend, spouse, whomever. She probably felt smothered. That's a difficult situation for anyone to be in, even for people who are more mature. I'm sure she knows you are coming from a good place, which probably makes it even more difficult and awkward for her.

Sorry she blew you off like that. She wanted a fwb rebound and maybe you felt lead on. Clearly she is dating around. However blowing off plans even as fwb is rude.

Go to work, be polite professional and other than that avoid and ignore her. Also go no contact and delete and block her.

She's playing the field, has become flaky and rude. Don't bother with a "relationship talk" or 'closure' or 'clearing the air".

Just show up to work with a new hair cut, updated clothes, start working out, etc and be friendly with everyone else. Also get on some dating apps and start messaging and meeting women you don't work with.

She confessed that she wasn't looking for a boyfriend but just a "friend's with benefits" relationship with one person for a while. I respond: "We made plans for the night but you stood me up. Maybe it was a miscommunication. I'll brush it off.".

Sorry she blew you off like that. She wanted a fwb rebound and maybe you felt lead on. Clearly she is dating around. However blowing off plans even as fwb is rude.

 

Go to work, be polite professional and other than that avoid and ignore her. Also go no contact and delete and block her.

She's playing the field, has become flaky and rude. Don't bother with a "relationship talk" or 'closure' or 'clearing the air".

 

Just show up to work with a new hair cut, updated clothes, start working out, etc and be friendly with everyone else. Also get on some dating apps and start messaging and meeting women you don't work with.

Hey thank you. Why shouldn't I try to clear the air between us? It seems like what a friend would do even if wronged. Could you explain? please and thank you.

You already texted her about being stood up. She doesn't deserve more of your effort or attention. Just be cordial friendly professional at the office and focus on moving on, not her.

Why shouldn't I try to clear the air between us? It seems like what a friend would do even if wronged.