Really Raw Inside and totally numb

Hello every one.

I,m having a bad day today so I have joined this to write everything down and maybe it will help . Some of you might say serves you right. and eat it up etc..this is my story.

I am living with a woman and have been for 22 years, The past 16 years we have lived separate lives since the birth of our daughter who is now 16 and who I love all the world. The sexual side of things between me and my partner ( hard to call her partner as we have not even kissed in all that time ,15 years ) dried up after the birth of our one and only child. I coped ok for 7 years I just got on with life, she had her bedroom I had mine. life went on and on .same old same old. then one night during a party I was invited to I met a woman who was single ,my age and we hit it off straight away. I sat for hours telling her how my life was and she did the same about hers, we began to see each other in secret , Now this is where some of you might call me a cheat , but I dont and refused to accept I am or was as I had no sexual relationship with the mother of my child , none at all. some years before I met this lady at the party I tried to move out once and start afresh but my partner said she would move away to Scotland and I would not see my daughter so the inevitable happened and I went back and here I am to this day. For the past 7 years I have been secretly seeing this other woman who I fell deeply in love with and she fell deeply in love with me. she did not pressure me at first to leave my child and time went on. then as it got into the years stage she asked me frequently to live with her , I always promised I would , the thought of bringing pain to my daughter heart was too much and up until 2 weeks ago I was still in the same situation sneaking off when I could to see this lady who loved me , or used to. it was awful for me awful for her and awful for my home partner and child , I right mess. I should have resolved years ago. anyway This past month or so the lady I love became a little distant and down when I was there to see her. I knew she was at the end and sick of me making the promise to live with her and something had changed. I lost my Father around 15 moths ago and it was his birthday 2 weeks ago to this day, I felt really low all day and just wanted to see the woman who made me happy. I visited her around 8pm a surprise visit , The front door was unlocked so I just walked in as I always used to , she came rushing out the front room and pointed to the kitchen where a man was standing behind a glass door talking to her son. it was her ex from 20 years ago and she had not seen him for years, she said mick had come round to see her son then rushed upstairs , I thought why did she rush away, then her sons girlfriend came down and said to me pete you have to leave , I knew there and then there was more to it than this old ex of hers seeing her son, If it was innocent she would have introduced me, but she hid upstairs and I ended up leaving. I sent her 2 texts shortly after telling her how gutted i was to find her like this. I knew she was down and fed up and I would have honestly understood if she had said the weeks before she can not go on any longer the way we have and she wanted to end it. I could not complain as I had let her down so many times in the past through not moving in. but she had obviously been seeing this ex for at least the past few months while I was not there , call it 2 men on the go I suppose. and that night it all came crashing around her feet. anyway I sent her two texts she sent 2 cold ones back and I have been so gutted since. last night was my last contact. I know she has little money and I sent her £100 which is a lot to her via her bank. I said I know you dont love me any more or want me , I know you have no money so use this £100 and please dont reply. and told her to take good care of herself. That was it then I have not contacted again and I wont its pointless she has a new buzz in her life and I am old news. so I,m sat back at home living the false life and feeling so unhappy. I know I have messed up. I can not make it better. there is no love at all between me and the mother of my child who I live with/.I can see even now she is wanting me out the way as our child will be off to uni soon so it will be us 2 sat looking at each other with nothing to say . pointless existence. I know some of you will say its time to move on and move out but right now I am a wreck I could not face being alone knowing I have lost the woman I loved and also not being around my daughter who is the only person that brings some warmth to my heart.

I just hope I can move on with out cracking up over it all.

Sorry this is the case. Roommates for 15 years, wow. What caused the rift and lack of sex/affection?

Are you married? If not just divide assets, get a custody, visitation and child support arrangement in order and move out.

Giving other women the "can't leave because i wont see my child" line wears thin and eventually they will get frustrated and move on.

I am living with a woman and have been for 22 years, The past 16 years we have lived separate lives since the birth of our daughter who is now 16 we have not even kissed in all that time,15 years. For the past 7 years I have been secretly seeing this other woman. she asked me frequently to live with her. I knew she was at the end and sick of me making the promise to live with her and something had changed. last night was my last contact. so I,m sat back at home living the false life and feeling so unhappy.[/color]

You could have gone to court for visitation rights ages ago, you didn't need to allow this woman to force you to stay with her and threaten you over the child. She sounds extremely manipulative.

I can see too how this other woman got tired of it all, you did allow the first woman to keep you under her thumb for far too long. You should have never allowed it.

I hope that now the child is grown, you can get away from this woman for good.

I also hope you can heal from this break up.

Back in 1995 I came home from work one day and before I knew it my partner (the same room mate now) well back then we were a proper couple , this night I came in and she dropped to the floor in agony .I called an ambulance and by the time it arrived a doctor had arrived and was upstairs with my partner, she had a stillbirth, 7 month old child. I was in total and utter shock . I did not know she was even pregnant . and she swore she did not know either, some doctor told me this can happen so I believed it. it was horrendous. anyway 5 year went past and we had our next child who is now 16.. as soon as she was born that was it more or less regarding sex. I,m gutted here about how my life had panned out.

If your daughter is leaving for college soon, what's stopping you from moving out now?

I do feel for you Pete, you stayed for the love of your child and you were/are a good Dad. Your life has panned out for you to raise your daughter and to be there for her and love her. It was not all for nothing.

You've done well on being there for your child.

And your life is not over, you can move out from this woman and find someone new to love.

2 weeks before I found the bloke in the ladies house I texted her and told her I had finally made up my mind and I was going to come to live with her, she never replied to the text but I thought it was because she had heard it all before. then all that happened above ,. now I can not face moving into a place alone while I feel so down in life. I just can,t face that yet

Ill catch up later Im really upset right now. thanks for these replies.

It seems like you're leaving out monumental details in this situation. It just doesn't add up. Why wouldn't you have left your wife years ago, & petitioned for custody like millions of other divorcées? Are you not the biological father?- assuming you are, you have every right for joint custody and can even request that your ex wife not be allowed to leave the country. Perhaps, I'm missing something here?

Why would this woman(affair partner) pressure you to leave your child?

{["she did not pressure me at first to leave my child and time went on. then as it got into the years stage she asked me frequently..."}]

What do you mean by that?

No one should feel pressured to leave their child, their blood. Why wouldn't she accept potential custody arrangements? Good thing you didn't give in to this woman's persistence to leave your child for her. That's what custody arrangements are for. Why didn't you do this?

Once again, maybe I'm the dunce here, but alot feels amiss with what's going on between both you and your wife, as well as you and your affair partner.

Sorry to say but you sound utterly disconnect from this woman and just continue living there as a roommate. Does she own the house?

we had our next child who is now 16.. as soon as she was born that was it more or less regarding sex.

It seems like you're leaving out monumental details in this situation. It just doesn't add up. Why wouldn't you have left your wife years ago, & petitioned for custody like millions of other divorcées? Are you not the biological father?- assuming you are, you have every right for joint custody and can even request that your ex wife not be allowed to leave the country. Perhaps, I'm missing something here?

 

Why would this woman(affair partner) pressure you to leave your child?

{["she did not pressure me at first to leave my child and time went on. then as it got into the years stage she asked me frequently..."}]

 

What do you mean by that?

No one should feel pressured to leave their child, their blood. Why wouldn't she accept potential custody arrangements? Good thing you didn't give in to this woman's persistence to leave your child for her. That's what custody arrangements are for. Why didn't you do this?

Once again, maybe I'm the dunce here, but alot feels amiss with what's going on between both you and your wife, as well as you and your affair partner.

 

When I met the affair lady so to speak I explained everything about my past. the still birth etc. I explained back then when I was 41 years old and she was 40 that I had no intention of having more children I was too old for one thing and I just did not want to go through what it involves bringing a child up at our ages. she agreed but I admit I was warned by a family member who knew this lady that she will trap me one day and fall pregnant .I was always worried about that issue. Then around 16 moths ago she asked me over and said she was pregnant ., I was gutted inside and she knew but I said ok at first and ill stick by her and move in. I left her place that evening terrified to be honest. I did not want to be a father again. as the days went by I cracked and told her the truth yet again that i did not want to be a father to another child. I said if she really wanted the baby she should have it and I would support her but I could not live there . she said thats fine at first and then she tortured me over it. she would text me how she was going to take me to the cleaners and tell my first partner i was to be a dad again and get the child support into me. as you can imagine I was in bits. we had a massive fight and broke up for 3 months ,all the while she went me texts ending in the words daddy.. now I know you will all say why am I even here ths woman is a bunny boiler etc.. I know that .. it was awful time. then I got a text saying she had lost the baby .. once again I was tormented for weeks after . things settled down and I (my own fault I know) text her out of the blue and before we knew it we were back together. I know she acted crazy but in the end i loved her. while I write this I get flashes in my head thinking I have had a lucky escape here but I miss her still. maybe I shouldn't. I still have a feeling she will text me again sometime and I dont know what ill say or if it will be the right thing to say if and when it happens. that is the massive thing you are talking about

Sorry to say but you sound utterly disconnect from this woman and just continue living there as a roommate. Does she own the house?

we share a council property

It seems like you're leaving out monumental details in this situation. It just doesn't add up. Why wouldn't you have left your wife years ago, & petitioned for custody like millions of other divorcées? Are you not the biological father?- assuming you are, you have every right for joint custody and can even request that your ex wife not be allowed to leave the country. Perhaps, I'm missing something here?

 

Why would this woman(affair partner) pressure you to leave your child?

{["she did not pressure me at first to leave my child and time went on. then as it got into the years stage she asked me frequently..."}]

 

What do you mean by that?

No one should feel pressured to leave their child, their blood. Why wouldn't she accept potential custody arrangements? Good thing you didn't give in to this woman's persistence to leave your child for her. That's what custody arrangements are for. Why didn't you do this?

Once again, maybe I'm the dunce here, but alot feels amiss with what's going on between both you and your wife, as well as you and your affair partner.

 

You are correct . there is monumental things missing. the lady I fell in love with ,lets say had some issues, I told her when we met about my past , no more kids for me I did not want any. she agreed . we were 41 and 40 year old at the time. anyway a family member told me to beware she would trap me. and one year she asked me over to tell me she was pregnant . I was gutted . I put on a brave face. and said we,ll get by but i knew I could not cope with a child at this time of life. I ended up telling her if she wanted a baby she should have it but I would not be there to live with them . she went mad and flipped her lid. we broke up. she sent me insane texts for months telling me she was going to take me to the cleaners, inform my partner here , the child support agency etc. each text ended with the words DADDY like that in big letters. I know you will all think she is a nutter and I suppose she is.. like a total lunatic she went on and on.. for months. then she text and said she had lost the baby.. weeks went by and I texted her to see if she was ok. before I knew we were back together. as I write this all that is coming back to me and I wonder why I am getting so upset over her . I know how crazy she can get. anyway we got back and things went back to normal so to speak , we often had fights about me no going round as much as i should . but i was used to it.and i loved her . this is the monumental incident you are talking about. yes she was pretty unstable when I look back so maybe I am better off as I am. who knows/..I still think even though she has her ex back she will text me once again sometime. I dont know when but i have a feeling she will. dont know what I will reply with though.

 

 

and yes I am the biological father

I am glad I came on here to write all this down I actually feel a lot better for it. thinking about the whole thing truthfully I actually could not wait to get back to my home almost every time I stayed over with this woman.I would spend the night and as soon as dawn broke I would be up out the bed and getting ready to set off back here. I am starting to realise we were both using each other for sex because it was really good to be honest. apart from near the end I told her I had gone off sex and we never slept with each other for around a month . the last month or hardly text. I am realising it is the sex and the feeling of being with another person that I am missing. maybe my emotions are still a mess but there is some truth in this above. either way I remember the DADDY text all to much now and it actually brings me some comfort and makes all this easier to understand and deal with.

It sounds like you vacillated between the barren boring environment with your child's mother to this intense dramatic sexually charged situation with no middle ground nor desire for a normal relationship.

It seems you have insight into this in retrospect, no? I know you will all think she is a nutter and I suppose she is.. like a total lunatic she went on and on.. for months.

Insight into retrospect ? sorry I don,t follow. I was just shooting from the heart . how I feel, have felt . you will have to rephrase the question and ill answer honestly

she has just texted to say thankyou for the money what do i say back

she has just texted to say thankyou for the money what do i say back

update .

we spent over 3 hours texting. the bloke ex of hers was not mentioned it is a tricky one I do not want to go in all guns blazing , not yet anyway. I know for a fact the night she made me leave and he was there he either stayed and rode her like Seattle slew or if he was there just to see his son. she was all dressed up nice to impress him and when I turned up it was a game changer so she wanted me out the way, Any way this was 2 weeks ago so this is my thinking , she was either trying to impress him but he has a family and he simply left after seeing his son and said goodbye.. she slept with him and he was not up to scratch so she wants me back to satisfy her . she spent the night with him being pounded like a jack hammer by him and fancies having 2 blokes on the go .. I know there is lies from her that I need to expose so maybe I will just dump her and see where life takes me , or ill just go back round as its her birthday on sunday and tel her ill just move in and have done with it. My problem apart from my whopper ruling my brain which i admit is i am soft. people can easily take advantage of me. well rant over. to be continued .

OK People I need a Yes No vote on this

after reading everything above should i take the plunge and move in with this woman because I know this is where I am heading if I go and meet up with her like she asked last night. I know for a fact she will make me feel guilty about it all and we will have to forget she was with another bloke . I always laughed at blokes who go back to women like this . but its different now because it is me and I can not laugh at myself can i. other people will though.Its her birthday tomorrow and I dont want any upset I would sooner she have a nice birthday who ever shes with. but I can bring myself to spend time with her until everything is out in the open about what went wrong with us and her going with another bloke,. I have caught her texting other blokes in the past when we had fights so its not the first time. she,s a very good at lying and I dont think she has it in her to say yep I let my ex plough me like a farmers field last week but he,s gone now pete.. what is it then .. I do care for her a lot , I do love her. is t worth all the heartache ,will it all work out and we,ll be blissfully happy .. Its big decision time .. do i get back with her YES or NO

Have you told your child's mother/partner/roommate that you will be leaving? Do you really want to move in with this women or are you just afraid she'll leave?

The pot calling the kettle black?

fancies having 2 blokes on the go

Have you told your child's mother/partner/roommate that you will be leaving? Do you really want to move in with this women or are you just afraid she'll leave?

 

The pot calling the kettle black?

I am not with you here ? what do you mean pot calling kettle black..afraid who will leave ? I am going to dump the cheater and live a peaceful life . Ill stay at home until I can find my own place . I have made my decision , In fact I ran a poll on my local football forum about it . The buck or chuck thread.. all the replies came back chuck ..so she,s getting chucked. I am not going through any more of that misery ..

A trip to a lawyer to learn all of your options could have spared you this mess a long time ago. There's no time like the present.

A trip to a lawyer to learn all of your options could have spared you this mess a long time ago. There's no time like the present.

No need for a lawyer , I am not married , never have been just lived together , and my daughter is 16 now , old enough to see me when she wants when the time comes I make a new start. in the mean time ill chill out with tunes likes this .

She has text today . her head is in bits . and it looks like she wants me back. she has not admitted to cheating. she,s really gutted and probably guilty as hell. now do i become the bloke who goes back and hopes for a happy life which will be hard in reality or do i let her go for good. very confused . on a high because i feel like i have won something inside but what i dont know,. I need some solid advice on this one., and i mean like from GOD himself.

She has text today . her head is in bits . and it looks like she wants me back. she has not admitted to cheating. she,s really gutted and probably guilty as hell. now do i become the bloke who goes back and hopes for a happy life which will be hard in reality or do i let her go for good. very confused . on a high because i feel like i have won something inside but what i dont know,. I need some solid advice on this one., and i mean like from GOD himself.

super advice guys thanks ..