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Thread: She became distant when her ex-husband got married. Now I'm friend zoned.

  1. #1
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    She became distant when her ex-husband got married. Now I'm friend zoned.

    I (39/M) met her (31/F) on a dating site a month and a half ago. We've gone on several dates. I have spent the night at her place five or six times.

    During the first few weeks of dating, she was into me big time. She texted me nonstop and called me all the time. She always initiated sex. Things got physical on the second date even though she initially said she didn't want to sleep together until marriage. She comes from a very religious family. She has been divorced for two years. She and her ex have two young children together.

    Her ex-husband cheated on her and ended up marrying the woman he cheated with a couple of weeks ago. The woman I've been seeing told me that she was "really sad" about it. She even visited her sister across the country to distract herself during the wedding. She posts things about divorce on social media all of the time.

    I noticed that she has been very distant lately via texting since the trip. She actually looked like she was in a daze when I dropped her off at the airport. She only texted me once during the trip. It was the night before she was to come back. She was drunk.

    I have texted her first almost every time since she got back from her trip. The only time she texted me first was to ask me to stay over this past Saturday.

    I asked her a couple of days ago if we need to talk. She said that she doesn't see me as a "long term romantic partner." She also said she "was forcing" herself to see things about us that weren't there. She also said she wants to continue hanging out as friends but that is all. She told me I didn't do anything wrong. I asked her if she was interested in someone else, she said she doesn't want to date anyone right now. She assured me that it will be a long time before she goes back to dating anyone else.

    She is on a trip with her family and friends right now. She said that she'd like to "chat" when she gets back next week. I'm not sure if we should continue being friends or just cut her off completely.

  2. #2
    Bronze Member Lostinlove31's Avatar
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    Cut her off conpletely. She is still in turmoil over the kast relationship. She is trying to cure herself instead of seeking counseling or healthy outlets

  3. #3
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    Stop wasting your time! She will use you as a sounding board/therapist.

    I'm sorry, but she used you as a rebound. Move on.

    You can't be friends when there are feelings.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this. It sounds like this was painful for her.

    Unfortunately she doesn't sound ready for a relationship and at least she acknowledges this openly. She's open to hookups and casual sex for a distraction, it seems.

    If she shifted from fwb to friendzone then yeah, after 6 weeks of dating just cut the cord it's not worth the drama.
    Originally Posted by cousin
    a month and a half ago. We've gone on several dates. I have spent the night at her place five or six times. She said that she doesn't see me as a "long term romantic partner." She also said she wants to continue hanging out as friends but that is all.

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  6. #5
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    I agree with you. I don't really think we can meet up as friends at this point. I thought she was past her ex-husband when she told me she had dated a few guys since the divorce. I've seen old pics on Facebook of her and guys, so I was certain she just hadn't found the right guy. I guess I was wrong.

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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Sorry to hear this. It sounds like this was painful for her.

    Unfortunately she doesn't sound ready for a relationship and at least she acknowledges this openly. She's open to hookups and casual sex for a distraction, it seems.

    If she shifted from fwb to friendzone then yeah, after 6 weeks of dating just cut the cord it's not worth the drama.
    I think it was probably hard for her. I just don't understand how she can go from inviting me to sleep over one night to breaking things off (via text) three days later.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Blue68's Avatar
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    I really don't see any point in being friends with her. She is just hoping to lean on you for emotional support because she is clearly not over her ex-husband. It is better to cut all communication now before you fall any deeper. Besides, the "friendship" will only really work one way because it will most likely be all on her terms.

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    Originally Posted by Blue68
    I really don't see any point in being friends with her. She is just hoping to lean on you for emotional support because she is clearly not over her ex-husband. It is better to cut all communication now before you fall any deeper.
    I keep thinking she will get over him now that he is married. We haven't spoken over the phone or in person about this. I feel like she will change her mind if we discuss it in person.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Cut this completely, there is no point in continuing anything further.
    Start new with someone else who is ready for a relationship and is not still hung up on the past.

  11. #10
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    Originally Posted by cousin
    I think it was probably hard for her. I just don't understand how she can go from inviting me to sleep over one night to breaking things off (via text) three days later.
    If someone is not emotionally available, it's easy. She not over the ex.

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