Wife and Mom don't get along...

I've been married 5 years and my wife and mom just can't get along. It's really getting to the point I am depressed about it and angry with them both. I know my mom can be a bit pushy but I am used to her giving her opinion and so on. If I don't like what she says I ignore it. My wife's mom NEVER offers an opinion on anything and so my wife reacts really badly to any kind of advice or comment from my Mom. I know these comments are well meant and can be ignored but my wife get really angry and puts pressure on me to stop my Mom saying anything. Everything my mom says I feel my wife puts the worst possible interpretation on it and assumes its meant as some really controlling or critical comment. My wife even gets angry when my mom gives gifts to our kids because they are the wrong gifts or she feels they are trying to control how we raise our kids.

I have tried to tell my mom to rein in her tendency to give advice. I've also asked my wife to try to let things my mom says wash over her a bit more or give her the benefit of the doubt. But neither of them will do this. My mom just gets upset or tells me she should be allowed to give advice. My wife gets angry and accuses me of taking my moms side.

It's even worse when we visit my parents. My wife is always trying to get us to do activities without them or objecting if I want to go along with whatever my parents want to do. She gets angry that I am prioritising them over her. But it's only on the 3-4 times a year that we see my parents. The rest of the time my wife and kids are my only priority. I get angry that my wife does not give me credit for the fact that I put her and our kids first all the time. It's like she is in some battle for control of me and can't accept that when we do see my parents I actually want to spend time with them. When we see her parents (more days a year even though they are further away) I never cause a fuss and am happy to fit in with whatever.

It's gotten to the point that I dread any interaction between my wife and parents. I feel I can't invite them to stay in my home. I feel I can't suggest we go and stay with them either. I am so sad because I really love my parents even though I know they are not perfect. They are getting old and I want them to get to know my kids while they area able. I also dread what will happen when they need our help in future years. I am also hurt because I feel that if my wife love me she should feel some need to get along with the people who raised me, but she does not seem to.

I wonder if anyone has advice..?

I dont have any advice for you but just wanted to let you know that you are not alone.

I've been married 5 years and my wife and mom just can't get along. It's really getting to the point I am depressed about it and angry with them both. I know my mom can be a bit pushy but I am used to her giving her opinion and so on. If I don't like what she says I ignore it. My wife's mom NEVER offers an opinion on anything and so my wife reacts really badly to any kind of advice or comment from my Mom. I know these comments are well meant and can be ignored but my wife get really angry and puts pressure on me to stop my Mom saying anything. Everything my mom says I feel my wife puts the worst possible interpretation on it and assumes its meant as some really controlling or critical comment. My wife even gets angry when my mom gives gifts to our kids because they are the wrong gifts or she feels they are trying to control how we raise our kids.

 

I have tried to tell my mom to rein in her tendency to give advice. I've also asked my wife to try to let things my mom says wash over her a bit more or give her the benefit of the doubt. But neither of them will do this. My mom just gets upset or tells me she should be allowed to give advice. My wife gets angry and accuses me of taking my moms side.

 

It's even worse when we visit my parents. My wife is always trying to get us to do activities without them or objecting if I want to go along with whatever my parents want to do. She gets angry that I am prioritising them over her. But it's only on the 3-4 times a year that we see my parents. The rest of the time my wife and kids are my only priority. I get angry that my wife does not give me credit for the fact that I put her and our kids first all the time. It's like she is in some battle for control of me and can't accept that when we do see my parents I actually want to spend time with them. When we see her parents (more days a year even though they are further away) I never cause a fuss and am happy to fit in with whatever.

 

It's gotten to the point that I dread any interaction between my wife and parents. I feel I can't invite them to stay in my home. I feel I can't suggest we go and stay with them either. I am so sad because I really love my parents even though I know they are not perfect. They are getting old and I want them to get to know my kids while they area able. I also dread what will happen when they need our help in future years. I am also hurt because I feel that if my wife love me she should feel some need to get along with the people who raised me, but she does not seem to.

 

I wonder if anyone has advice..?