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Thread: How bad are restraining orders

  1. #1
    Beastelstein
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    How bad are restraining orders

    I'll preface this by saying I was very mentally unhealthy through all of this. Anyway awhile back I finally got the dream girl I wanted for 8 years until she inexplicably left me for a total ***hole.

    I had to rescue her everytime he upset her, one time she went overdosed on ativan from a situation with him. He held her dogs medication hostage, made up rumors about her sleeping with someone for money, came over several times without consent the first time involving cops. I've had an on and off relationship with her cause of this guy that wouldn't stay away.

    A month ago I had a lot of issues with my medication and after she went back to him, I was telling her I was ready to kill myself (I was severely depressed). I also got fairly mean with the man in question because of everything he's done. I tried asking her best friend for help cause she dislikes him too but she pushed all her friends away. Anyway my behavior isn't in the right I get that but I got threatened with a restraining order (apparently he can harass her regularly and it's okay). What I wanna know is what to expect from a legal standpoint.

    Note: Please don't criticize me for making mistakes. I finally have proper brain chemistry again.

  2. #2
    RainyCoast
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    well obviously you're not allowed to go near her or get in touch because that's followed by arrest.

    think how that'll look on your record. restraing order and harrassment. you plan to be employed until retirement, right? they'll want clean records and no history of behavioral problems, harrassment, low impulse control, conflicts.

    stay on your stabilizers and in therapy and block all means of contacting either of them or their family and friends.

    have your life evolve around you. like your recovery, employment, hobbies, making friends.

  3. #3
    Jeffbobo
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    Depending on where you're at, I don't think they hand out restraining orders like candy and if violated, you'd be picked up, booked and put in jail so I'd take this very seriously if I were you.

    This whole situation is a toxic bomb. You shouid be strict no contact with her for both of your sakes independent of the restraining order. The restraint order should further hit you upside the head to enforce no contact. This means completely remove her and anything that reminds you of her from your life. Block and/or delete any way for her to contact you and any way that you can contact her.

  4. #4
    IAmFCA
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    Restraining orders are easy to get where i live, requiring no evidence. And they are vigorously enforced.

  5. #5
    RainyCoast
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    yeah it's quite easy to get one here too. they do ask evidence, but nothing a person would have trouble providing. neighbors or friends witnessing unwanted and disturbing visits, phone records, texts and snailmail arriving after you've asked them to stop.

    op if you are not med compliant or still figuring out a dosage and coctail that works, take group sessions or ask your couselor for help to establish rules of conduct when you're unstable to prevent such things from happening. i sympathise with the effects of an illness, but, and no judgement on my end as i say this, the illness or meds made me do it rarely holds. learn to manage your symptoms however hard. she is a risk person for you so eliminate temptation by blocking. have safe people like friends family and a support group to ride out your symptoms and talk them through so you don't act on them. have options of what you can do when you feel out of control, like a toolbox.

  6. #6
    ~Seraphim ~
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    It means you have no contact with this person in any way or you get arrested and jailed.

  7. #7
    IAmFCA
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    Quote Originally Posted by ~Seraphim ~ [Register to see the link]
    It means you have no contact with this person in any way or you get arrested and jailed.
    Yes. I know someone who took a charge for sending his kids a merry christmas email, and that is all it said. Merry Christmas, I love you. The email was sent while he was under a restraining order, and was therefore a violation of the law. The judge upheld the charge.

  8. #8
    Beastelstein
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    Quote Originally Posted by IThinkICan [Register to see the link]
    Yes. I know someone who took a charge for sending his kids a merry christmas email, and that is all it said. Merry Christmas, I love you. The email was sent while he was under a restraining order, and was therefore a violation of the law. The judge upheld the charge.
    Okay but I have no intention of contacting her, impulses and emotions be dammed. If I leave her be am I okay? I left her alone for about a month

  9. #9
    Matt3939
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    It's not even worth it leave the situation alone. Have a clean record with anything it might help (YOU) in the future. Example getting a job that needs certain clearances.

  10. #10
    Wiseman2
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    Stay away from her and her people and her situation in any way, shape or form. Strict no contact and delete and block from social media.

    Take care of yourself and continue therapy. Don't worry about her, she made her choices.
    Quote Originally Posted by Beastelstein [Register to see the link]
    I've had an on and off relationship with her cause of this guy that wouldn't stay away. I was telling her I was ready to kill myself. I also got fairly mean with the man in question because of everything he's done. I got threatened with a restraining order.

    "You will not be officially notified of a restraining order until you are served. The court will not hold a 10-day hearing until it receives a return of service notifying that you have been made aware of the 10-day hearing. You cannot violate a restraining order if you have not been properly served.

    Anyone who claims to be in "imminent fear of bodily harm" can attempt to obtain a restraining order. A judge can issue a restraining order against anyone who qualifies as a family or household member. People are considered family or household members if they:

    are or were married to one another,
    are or were living together in the same household,
    are or were related by blood or marriage,
    have a child in common,
    have been dating or engaged. The court looks at the following factors when qualifying this: length of relationship, type of relationship, frequency of interaction during relationship, and time passed since termination of relationship.
    If the person who got a restraining order against you does not fall into one of the above categories, the restraining order is not legal. This is an issue to be brought up at the 10-day hearing.

    What happens if I get served?

    If you are served with a restraining order, it means that someone has gone to court and told the judge he or she is in fear of you. This initial order is valid only until the hearing. The hearing is usually 10 days after the ex parte hearing; however, if you have not been served, the court will postpone the hearing until you have been served"

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