Here I am again (and again)

See my first thread here and my second one here.

Bare with me. Sorry.

NC was initiated on 3/11 and was going GREAT. Then she stuck her claws into me AGAIN. On the 13th she messages me on SNAPCHAT. I never use snapchat. She says she is going to throw away everything I ever gave to her because I'm such a terrible person for blocking her. I broke down and told her I loved her and was just trying to look out for myself. I asked to come see her which I did, we met at a grocery store she had to go too and we had a lot of fun that night. Ended up staying at mine, watching TV, hooked up. Had fun. All night she was telling me she loved me and how it felt right etc.

Step forward to the next day. I texted her and told her how special it was last night and she agreed, I told her I loved her. No response. I called her out and told her that she needed to start being real with me because the mixed signals were not fair. She told me last night was just fun and to leave it. She ended up blocking me again.

Yesterday morning she unblocked me. She told me she was feeling the worst she has in a while. Vomiting, in pain, can't move. I told her to let me come over and look after her. She said no. (because she was SO contagious. even though I told her I didn't care. Still no.)

I went out after work and bought a ton of things to make her feel better. Tea, fruit juice, saltines, chicken soup, three bananas that I wrote on in marker pen...'I' 'Love' 'You' , mocha for when she feels better and then I made her a card with a puzzle inside. I also bought her a mug that described my love for her so that she could have someone to drink her tea out of that would make her feel better. I dropped it off at her Apartment and left. I let her know I had left it there and she picked it up.

She text me saying it was incredibly sweet but then proceeded to block me again. That night I messaged her on Facebook asking why. She told me it wasn't fair for her to keep talking to me. She ended up telling me this new guy she has been seeing was coming around and she got worried when I came by incase the two of us saw each other. I guess the two of them are dating no. He was coming over to bring her Gatorade she said. I was distraught. Just the other night when we were together she told me the two of them were 'only talking'. That clearly isn't true.

She made me feel so bad for coming over and bringing her stuff. She is family to me, I wasn't just going to ignore her telling me how sick she was.

She told me that we wouldn't work because her parents don't like me. She said they don't like me because of how jealous I am. If you read my first thread you would see why. She vengefully went to visit her ex after 6 months of us being together because I went on a trip with some friends for 3 days. Her parents don't know that. I was NEVER a jealous person before her deceit.

Now I'm just back to square one. I know he's going to end up with her. I guess because her parents won't mind him. I just want her back. I don't want him to be with her, he doesn't deserve her, she's so special and I've done everything in my power to make her feel that way. And now I'm what? just block-fodder. Second-best. Broken-hearted.

I mostly feel bad because I've neglected my own advice. I've given other people on this board advice when I can't even take my own. I'm truly at a loss for where to go from here. I almost want to text this new guy and tell him what has happened since he and her started 'dating' because he sure as hell doesn't know. I want to destroy both of them. And that's not like me at all.

You have tried. You were open and fair to her. She is the one who is not being fair to you and who is playing games. You will never be able to work something out if she keeps acting like this.

Why continue to blame yourself? She is the one who sounds very immature and is messing about with your feelings.

Now she's brought another guy into the scene? Stop letting her emotionally abuse you like this.

Delete, block and be good to YOU. Allow yourself to heal and get away from someone who is only out to cause you pain.

The name of the previous thread in case anyone wanted to look at it,... "Help moving on when in love".

Wow! Have you allowed this girl and I say GIRL, (not woman), to play you. She was dating you and some other guy and she has continually had you and other guys on the line. She is a liar and manipulator and she won't stop.

Her version of "love" is so phoney, you can't trust anything that comes out of her mouth.

You seriously need to get away from her, there is nothing good here and you WILL continue to be played and hurt. This is her fault, not yours, you cannot fix the way she is.

The name of the previous thread in case anyone wanted to look at it,... "Help moving on when in love".

 

Wow! Have you allowed this girl and I say GIRL, (not woman), to play you. She was dating you and some other guy and she has continually had you and other guys on the line. She is a liar and manipulator and she won't stop.

Her version of "love" is so phoney, you can't trust anything that comes out of her mouth.

 

You seriously need to get away from her, there is nothing good here and you WILL continue to be played and hurt. This is her fault, not yours, you cannot fix the way she is.

For so long she has blamed her behavior on her 'abusive ex'. But now I'm starting to see the commonality between her relationship with him and her relationship with me. HER.

I haven't read your other posts. There is no need to. In fact I am unsure as to why you wouldn't just add to your last post so people would get the full picture.

She is NOT interested in reconciliation.

So, block her.

I haven't read your other posts. There is no need to. In fact I am unsure as to why you wouldn't just add to your last post so people would get the full picture.

 

She is NOT interested in reconciliation.

 

So, block her.

It goes without saying she isn't interested in reconciliation. It's more than that to me. Whether we date or not.

She is my best friend and she is my only family in this country. I moved from the United Kingdom to the US and she is my backbone in this country. Her parents too, and now she has turned them against me, so she can use them as an excuse for not being together.

I know for a fact she loves me. But she is all sorts of messed up.

I just need help because this new interest of hers has meant I have been blocked completely out of the picture. It's like a family member has died. Honestly. Except I have the knowledge that they died and found a new family without me.

Best friends don't treat each other this way, nor does someone who says they love you.

I didn't read your previous thread I read this ( he doesn't deserve her, she's so special and I've done everything in my power to make her feel that way.) She's so special but is seeing other guys? This is all in your head. You are putting this girl up on the pedistal. Let this new guy have her. Good luck

It goes without saying she isn't interested in reconciliation. It's more than that to me. Whether we date or not.

 

She is my best friend and she is my only family in this country. I moved from the United Kingdom to the US and she is my backbone in this country. Her parents too, and now she has turned them against me, so she can use them as an excuse for not being together.

 

I know for a fact she loves me. But she is all sorts of messed up.

 

I just need help because this new interest of hers has meant I have been blocked completely out of the picture. It's like a family member has died. Honestly. Except I have the knowledge that they died and found a new family without me.

Her and her family are your backbone ? Well that's just stupid! Sorry! You have not formed any friendships at all?

She is not interested. You think she is using family as an excuse, perhaps she is, but if she was interested she wouldn't.

You know for a fact that she loves you? How? Her actions suggest otherwise. Stop with the denial. The sooner you accept the sooner you will get past it. Make friends already! Stop going on as if your happiness and life depends on her and her family, because guess what? It doesn't!!

Her and her family are your backbone ? Well that's just stupid! Sorry! You have not formed any friendships at all?

 

She is not interested. You think she is using family as an excuse, perhaps she is, but if she was interested she wouldn't.

 

You know for a fact that she loves you? How? Her actions suggest otherwise. Stop with the denial. The sooner you accept the sooner you will get past it. Make friends already! Stop going on as if your happiness and life depends on her and her family, because guess what? It doesn't!!

I have tons of friends. And I have girls that are interested in me. It's just hard to move onto someone new when you've invested so heavily in a person.

It's like when I completed 7 seasons on Fifa 16 and then lost my save file so I had to start again. Terrible news. (sorry for trying to make light of my truly depressing situation)

I've been asked on a date tonight actually. Thinking of going and just trying to have fun. Just don't want to hurt someone if I'm not ready.

I'm obviously still in love with my ex.

She is not your best friend, you two are currently not friends. I think you are using that as an excuse to keep an avenue open to her. By convincing yourself that we are "best friends" you are justifying saying "I love you" and doing things for her. Quit it...

Here is the reality of the moment: You two are not in a relationship together, you two are not best friends, you are too available to her.

What you are doing is chasing her emotions and what happens when you chase anything? You will always be behind it. You are reacting rather than acting. You wait for her to make her move before you make yours and when that happens, you feel sad, hurt, depressed because you are trying to decode her actions. The more you chase, the more depressed you will get.

Take control and quit reacting. Quit replying.. no need to block, but no need to answer every single message. Make a stand and say no more. That means you remove her from any social media account, you delete her number from your phone and you DO NOT answer when she reaches out. This is why...

Notice that when you went away, she came back? Then once you were available to her, she pushed you away? She doesn't want you, she wants the attention she is getting from you. Attention can be had from anyone, if she wanted attention only from you, you two would be dating. But she wants attention from multiple people. So don't be a doormat. Don't give her what she wants. Take a deep breath and know that without her in your life, you will be okay, the sun will still rise and it will set without her in your life. She is going to be just fine without you so don't worry about her. Take control of your situation.

She is not your best friend, you two are currently not friends. I think you are using that as an excuse to keep an avenue open to her. By convincing yourself that we are "best friends" you are justifying saying "I love you" and doing things for her. Quit it...

 

Here is the reality of the moment: You two are not in a relationship together, you two are not best friends, you are too available to her.

 

What you are doing is chasing her emotions and what happens when you chase anything? You will always be behind it. You are reacting rather than acting. You wait for her to make her move before you make yours and when that happens, you feel sad, hurt, depressed because you are trying to decode her actions. The more you chase, the more depressed you will get.

 

Take control and quit reacting. Quit replying.. no need to block, but no need to answer every single message. Make a stand and say no more. That means you remove her from any social media account, you delete her number from your phone and you DO NOT answer when she reaches out. This is why...

 

Notice that when you went away, she came back? Then once you were available to her, she pushed you away? She doesn't want you, she wants the attention she is getting from you. Attention can be had from anyone, if she wanted attention only from you, you two would be dating. But she wants attention from multiple people. So don't be a doormat. Don't give her what she wants. Take a deep breath and know that without her in your life, you will be okay, the sun will still rise and it will set without her in your life. She is going to be just fine without you so don't worry about her. Take control of your situation.

Wonderful advice and exactly what I needed to hear. While I do believe there is mutual love involved I won't be a doormat anymore. I'm turning around now and she can be the one behind me. If she doesn't want to chase, i'll just keep on walking until she is a distant memory.

A common mistake is to believe that you cant care of have a love for an X in order for you to move on. You can accept that you have A love for your X, but doesn't mean you have to be IN love with your X.

There are some Xs that I care for and will always have a love for. But that doesn't mean I want them back or need them to be in my life every day. Just means that we once had a relationship and even tho that chapter is closed, we can still remain friends. However this took years of allowing the emotional bonds to go away. So its okay to still care for your X, just don't let it control your actions or rule your day. Accept that the feelings are there, then you move on with your life.

Also.. and I think this is very important.. you are going to have your bad and good days. Accept that at some point she will reach out to you. Those are the times you just accept that she did text you or email you. Don't wonder as to why, don't decode, decipher, decrypt anything she says or why she sent you the message. You accept, and then you "Read it and delete it" then you don't give it a second thought. Don't let moments like that 'bring you back to square one' because it doesn't, they are moments that will go away and then you move on with your life. The big thing for you is to Accept and release.

OP, I also live abroad and know how isolating it can feel. But take it from me - you must build up your own backbone and support network.

You also need to rethink your definition of love. This isn't love; it's her using you and you being way too easy to use. A person who is really your best friend would not treat you this way.

Block her. You have to finally let go and move on. As I said in your other thread, she's bad news. Maybe you needed to learn this the hard way so you can finally start accepting it. You will feel better sooner or later, but it won't happen as long as she is in your life. She isn't The One.

A common mistake is to believe that you cant care of have a love for an X in order for you to move on. You can accept that you have A love for your X, but doesn't mean you have to be IN love with your X.

There are some Xs that I care for and will always have a love for. But that doesn't mean I want them back or need them to be in my life every day. Just means that we once had a relationship and even tho that chapter is closed, we can still remain friends. However this took years of allowing the emotional bonds to go away. So its okay to still care for your X, just don't let it control your actions or rule your day. Accept that the feelings are there, then you move on with your life.

Also.. and I think this is very important.. you are going to have your bad and good days. Accept that at some point she will reach out to you. Those are the times you just accept that she did text you or email you. Don't wonder as to why, don't decode, decipher, decrypt anything she says or why she sent you the message. You accept, and then you "Read it and delete it" then you don't give it a second thought. Don't let moments like that 'bring you back to square one' because it doesn't, they are moments that will go away and then you move on with your life. The big thing for you is to Accept and release.

My problem is that I want her to reach out to me. Even if I do ignore her. I get frustrated when she doesn't because it means she isn't thinking about me. I guess the reality is that it just means she just doesn't NEED me at that particular moment. I also wish she could reach out to me so I could ignore her. And so that she could finally realize that she crossed the line. Right now she just thinks I'm going to come right back when she snaps her fingers. Not true.

OP, I also live abroad and know how isolating it can feel. But take it from me - you must build up your own backbone and support network.

 

You also need to rethink your definition of love. This isn't love; it's her using you and you being way too easy to use. A person who is really your best friend would not treat you this way.

 

Block her. You have to finally let go and move on. As I said in your other thread, she's bad news. Maybe you needed to learn this the hard way so you can finally start accepting it. You will feel better sooner or later, but it won't happen as long as she is in your life. She isn't The One.

Thank you. How was your transition?

I do have a ton of friends here and I think the reality of my whole situation right now is that I'm ONLY looking at the downsides. The reality is there are a ton of upsides to her being gone.

I went on a second date last night. It was fun. Different, but fun.

I think we all know how hard it is to "just go no contact and move on". You can say it, you can recommend it, you can do it.....but you can also "slip and fall backward". There's no shame in it. However, everytime I did it, I became angry with myself for days because it meant several sleepless nights and days of rumination about "what went wrong/how could I have prevented this/does she still love me deep down inside?".........

For these reasons, I would read any text from her, not "read into it" too much, and then delete it. Even though its been 7 months, its not worth setbacks at this point and I'm willing to bet that you're starting to see this with you're own situation too.

I think we all know how hard it is to "just go no contact and move on". You can say it, you can recommend it, you can do it.....but you can also "slip and fall backward". There's no shame in it. However, everytime I did it, I became angry with myself for days because it meant several sleepless nights and days of rumination about "what went wrong/how could I have prevented this/does she still love me deep down inside?".........

 

For these reasons, I would read any text from her, not "read into it" too much, and then delete it. Even though its been 7 months, its not worth setbacks at this point and I'm willing to bet that you're starting to see this with you're own situation too.

She's moved on. I haven't heard from her since Wednesday night when we had a huge argument where she told me this was no longer about us it was about her and her new guy.

Now I'm just wishing she would text me so I at least knew she missed me. I'm checking every 15 minutes (literally) to see if she has unblocked me.

I don't even want to talk. Just want to KNOW she misses me enough to reach back out.

OMG!! your X will think of you, however, she does not want to be back with you. You two dated which means that every so often, you will pop into her mind. However, it seems like she is trying to emotionally separate from you and a new guy is helping her do that. Get rid of that need for her to think about you, and that selfishness is probably one of the reasons why she left. You are not thinking about her happiness, but you are more concerned about your Ego being stroked.

If you love her and care for her, then be happy for her that she is with a guy that makes her happy, even if it is not you. Quit being selfish. I know you hurt, heartbreaks suck, but quit worrying if she thinks of you or misses you because it no longer matters if she is or not

So yesterday was a pretty crazy day. For better or worse. I don't really know how to feel about it all. Yesterday morning I notice that she has unblocked me on instagram. I know this because she is displaying on my recent searches. The thing is, her profile picture is her with this new guy, he is kissing her cheek. I got MAD. I messaged her asking why leaving me wasn't enough and why she would unblock me just so I could see this.

Turns out she had been on my facebook page the night before and seen a picture of me with a girl. (coworker, no relationship or interest) My mum had commented on the picture saying "shes cute". Turns out this is the reason she did that, to get back at me, because she thought something was going on. We got a little mad at each other but nothing out of the ordinary.

Later that day she visits me at work. She told me to meet her after for coffee which I did at about 6PM last night. The next 4 hours were honestly the best. I felt happy and good the whole time. We laughed, joked, cried, were intimate, everything. She actually broke down at one point when I was looking at her because of how much she missed me. She told me she was still in love with me. She also said she still couldn't be with me. She is worried about the past. I have told her that losing her made me realize how much I need her in my life and how much I love her, I said I'd do anything to change her mind and give me one more chance. She's still unsure. Is there anything I can do to tip that scale back.

I assume she is still seeing this other guy. But how much can he really mean if yesterday happens? He's surely just a rebound?

Any advice welcome.

I dont understand why do you want this drama? What is it are you trying to prove? You need to leave this girl alone. You two are not meant to be in a relationship together and Love is not the answer to every problem.

Just because you say "I love her" doesnt mean you have to be with her. You two are so toxic together that without professional help, this relationship is bound to be doomed and this rollercoaster that you have been on will never stop. Why cant you just let her go?

I dont understand why do you want this drama? What is it are you trying to prove? You need to leave this girl alone. You two are not meant to be in a relationship together and Love is not the answer to every problem.

 

Just because you say "I love her" doesnt mean you have to be with her. You two are so toxic together that without professional help, this relationship is bound to be doomed and this rollercoaster that you have been on will never stop. Why cant you just let her go?

This relationship is very special to me on a lot of different personal and emotional levels that I couldn't begin to portray in words on a board. I want you to know that everything you and anyone else has said on here has been fully appreciated and taken in. I understand that problems have come before but I also feel that it could be turned around because of how much we truly mean to each other.

I'm asking for advice on how to be given another chance. One more chance. To turn everything I've learned here and in the year we were together into a positive that I can use to be the best boyfriend I can possibly be to the girl of my dreams. I know I can do that. Maybe she can't be the person I want. But maybe she can, and I definitely want to find out. I'd regret it for the rest of my life if I just let her go now.

She has taught me so much and grown me as a person to the point where I firmly believe she is a part of me that I can't afford to let go.

Regardless of whether you can help me to where I want to be I fully appreciate all of your advice. I'm sorry my feelings are hard to understand right now. You've been great.

What you have with her is a very immature dynamic. It won't work, even if she does decide to come back. Mark my words. You can try, but you are going to learn the hard way that she's not the one for you.

You asked before how my transition was moving abroad. In short, it was terrible. Why? Because less than three weeks after relocating, I met a man who would become the most toxic boyfriend I have ever had. I have never felt so isolated and alone in my life. I didn't yet speak or understand the local language, nor did I really know how to carry out every day tasks over here, like opening a bank account or claiming residency. I was very dependent on him, obviously because he was a local and also because he translated for me. Big mistake. When the crap hit the fan (and it did, in a major way) I was utterly lost. It took all of my strength to carry on and create new connections here. And I am grateful every day I let go of that horrible relationship. My life here now is so much better and I am 100% happier and more content.

Just because you have no other support system does not mean you should cling to one that is so clearly broken. She is immature, lies and plays games. She's not into you the way you desperately hope she is. Take it from another woman. That's not how we behave when we are truly into a guy.

You're wasting your time, though I know you probably won't believe that.

What you have with her is a very immature dynamic. It won't work, even if she does decide to come back. Mark my words. You can try, but you are going to learn the hard way that she's not the one for you.

 

You asked before how my transition was moving abroad. In short, it was terrible. Why? Because less than three weeks after relocating, I met a man who would become the most toxic boyfriend I have ever had. I have never felt so isolated and alone in my life. I didn't yet speak or understand the local language, nor did I really know how to carry out every day tasks over here, like opening a bank account or claiming residency. I was very dependent on him, obviously because he was a local and also because he translated for me. Big mistake. When the crap hit the fan (and it did, in a major way) I was utterly lost. It took all of my strength to carry on and create new connections here. And I am grateful every day I let go of that horrible relationship. My life here now is so much better and I am 100% happier and more content.

 

Just because you have no other support system does not mean you should cling to one that is so clearly broken. She is immature, lies and plays games. She's not into you the way you desperately hope she is. Take it from another woman. That's not how we behave when we are truly into a guy.

 

You're wasting your time, though I know you probably won't believe that.

Actually. I do believe that. I'm so confused right now that every piece of advice given to me on this board resonates and makes SO much sense.

My problem is letting go of what is clearly the strongest emotional bond I've ever had. By far.

It's at the point where I wish someone would physically take away from me all means of contact because I cannot help myself.

But on the other hand I don't want that. Because I know that would mean never seeing her again which scares me more than anything.

Feel like I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't.

This relationship is very special to me on a lot of different personal and emotional levels that I couldn't begin to portray in words on a board. I want you to know that everything you and anyone else has said on here has been fully appreciated and taken in. I understand that problems have come before but I also feel that it could be turned around because of how much we truly mean to each other.

 

I'm asking for advice on how to be given another chance. One more chance. To turn everything I've learned here and in the year we were together into a positive that I can use to be the best boyfriend I can possibly be to the girl of my dreams. I know I can do that. Maybe she can't be the person I want. But maybe she can, and I definitely want to find out. I'd regret it for the rest of my life if I just let her go now.

 

She has taught me so much and grown me as a person to the point where I firmly believe she is a part of me that I can't afford to let go.

 

Regardless of whether you can help me to where I want to be I fully appreciate all of your advice. I'm sorry my feelings are hard to understand right now. You've been great.

I understand where you are coming from, but you are also ignoring all the red flags and every single warning sign. Let me ask you a simple question since you have said you have changed. Did you seek counseling regarding this change? If I got my info wrong, please le me know, because you might have forgotten.

1. She was out of a 3 yr relationship and lied to you about traveling to see her X.

2. She said she was still in love with her X. Now she says she is still in love with you (See a pattern here?)

3. You got so mad that the cops had to been called out because you refused to leave while demanding to talk to her.

4. She had another guy tell you to leave HIS GF alone while you thought you were seeing her.

5. You snoped and found out she was texting other guys.

This is just a small list of huge red flags that you over looked, dismissed or dont want to see because you love her. It takes two people to make it work and she currently is in no mental condition or stable enough to be committed to just one guy. Just think... Do you think she calls her X in Minn and still tells him she loves him?

I know you made mistakes, you want to correct them and show her you are not the jealous, angry guy. I find it hard to correct mistakes when the relationship is over by going back into a relationship. You have to let things go.

I also know you are going to do what you want to do. But as long as you have this girl in your heart, the drama will continue and no amount of "love" will right this sinking ship. The drama you will get today and in the future is because you asked for it.

And then yesterday happened. She told me she cared about him and was choosing him over me despite everything that happened on Sunday. She told me I deserved the best and she could not be that anymore. She said she still wants to be friends.

I'm crushed.