The Moment The Pain Went Away; She's Back

The moment the pain went away, shes back.

And that's how thing goes....they always come back and this is the reason why I always say " getting back together its easy, keeping them its the hardest part".

We started talking Saturday, I went out with my best friend and she called so that I speak with "J". Than Sunday she told me that "J" was sick (sent me pictures from the hospital) ask me for my new number to keep me updated about him. & the rest is history.

She saw my pictured with my new looks. Ive been losing weight. She told me that talking to my best friend was a way to keep me close to her and that I knew what she was up to.

We are not back together. Getting back together now it's falling into the same pattern. I told her, I want you to work on yourself. I want you to get to know yourself in order to be able to control your emotions. I don't know about the future, but what I do know its that I won't go through that pain again.

In regards to baby daddy, she told me that she dont want to be with him. She told him to leave her alone. That he some how manipulated her in terms of the baby and that hes the only person she can count on. She have evidence that he is doing witchcraft to keep her. As sometimes she feel sick and doctors can't find anything. That she doesn't want him close to her but still accepts him. Including his mom that he asked her where to go to do a job for her. Our relationship collapsed the moment he came to the USA. Hes so obsessed with her with me.

This its not breadcrumbs from her or that she wants to talk to me to see where I am to boost her self-ego. Shes back. Yesterday, was snow day. She wanted us to be on camera all day, yes- she gave me her all attention. I even felt overwhelmed. She wants us to meet this weekend. All I want its to see my "J" I have no words to explain how happy he felt to see me via camera.

I feel now in full control of my emotions. I know what to say what not to say. Lets see how it goes.

As mentioned before, Please keep in mind that I also share my story to help those that went and are going through the same situation as me.

Why go through the trouble of changing your number if you're just going to give it to her? This isn't going to end in happily ever after. This child is not your kid and she will have to be in contact with the child's father.

She feels sick so he's doing witchcraft?? Seriously?!? Maybe she's sick from all the stress of continually screwing with your head and creating drama in her life.

How can you not see you are better off without this person in your life??

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When you allow toxic dysfunction in your life, it's because that's what you subconsciously think you deserve. Worry about fixing yourself, because it's you who needs the work on boosting your self esteem. There are cute, sexy, fun women out there who aren't carrying around stinky baggage. You'll have a higher rate of success in a relationship with one of them.

Thank you all for the reply. I'm not back with her and I don't think I will accept her back in my life. She needs to do significant improvements and I don't thing she's ready yet.

How will you be able to just forget all the horrible things she said to you?

I bet she wants money. She'll be a sugary sweet because she knows she can get you feeling all warm and fuzzy, then she'll hit you with "Child has no clothes, no food, I've been feeding him saltine crackers, I need money!" And you'll give it to her. Then she'll go right back to saying horrible things to you and about you.

How can you fall for this yet again? I thought you had her figured out.

Im back. Hope everyone is healing ok and are ready for Christmas.

What happened?

She doesn't sound like a healthy person. I hope you managed to keep her at bay.

People deserve opportunities and she proven to have change. She's another person. A grown woman. Which is What I care the most. We reconciled since than, eight months ago. We are married and expecting a boy. (We did ivf)

Crazy dad taking her to court to take son away, judge instead ordered child support and he hasn't pay anything. Things are looking very bad for him.

For us, Things are doing better than expected. A year ago I was miserable. We grew and learned from our mistakes.

Merry christmas to all! Hope u are doing better. Any question I can answer be happy to help.

How long were you out of contact with her? And who contacted who?

C*

Relationship ended December 2016. As almost everyone did, I contacted her numerous time with no sucess. After a month I stopped - started focusing on myself. (Gym, changed my looks, started talking to other women; selfish me) the most difficult time was trying to stop stalking on social media. A month after (Feb2017) she called me (drunk) I didn't pick up neither try to reach her. What I did was change my number. Two weeks later I was with a mutual friend and she called so I speak with her son. Than next day contacted me on Instagram saying he was sick and asked for my new number to keep me in touch. She confessed how much she missed me I told her to work on herself to show me that she really cared this time. She did and two month after we got marry, moved out of state and we are expecting a baby boy due in February.

The best thing to do is stop contact immediately, is hard but is the best way. No friends, you dont friend your ex. Focus on yourself and time will decide.

What can I assure you is that someway somehow they always come back.

Very happy for you Luisannalui.. It's nice to see a happy ending

You got lucky....very lucky...

But yes, congratulations. I too am glad that you are out of the darkness*

What can I assure you is that someway somehow they always come back.

I wouldn't go putting money on that...

My thread is out to prove you wrong ;-)

Carus*

my thread too..

Thanks!

How long after breakup? How long u been in no contact? Had u tried to contact her/him?

4 weeks out now. No contact at all from her...or me...

I am glad things worked out for you! Merry Christmas!

Mine is gone for good too. Almost two years after she cheated. Moved on and her new man is on and off but seems on for good now

2 kids and a marriage. Made all the opposite NC mistakes just now am following that path. She angry now could be the holidays but i think shes not a fsn of me not giving a and her roommate and friends i think lurk my IG

Regardless if its the case it looks over between us. Just too much now.

You are very lucky man. Im paying for a divorce i never wanted but has to be done

Chersish this second chance but be careful. Happy holiday

Hey guys. My last post was a year ago and Im back with updates. Our little boy was born in February and in March would be our 2nd anniversary. Our relationship is strong and healthy, we have a beautiful family. thanks God.

Hope everyone is okay and those that are healing STAY STRONG!

Im happy to answer any questions.

That is a beautiful story! Thank you for sharing.

So happy for you and congratulations on everything.

Skimmed this post and I'm really happy it all work out for you two and now you have an amazing family.

Good Lord I hate that this post keeps getting resurrected. I’m going to sound like a complete ahole right now, but it’s better than pretending this is healthy or normal.

There is no rhyme or reason to this reconciliation. It’s literally a fluke. There was a 2016 success story, is it the same woman or does this just keep happening with different women? There was nothing fixed, no true healing, the post history tells the story of cheating and codependency, the OPer was treated horribly. One day it’s I’m healed I’m over this, if you want to know how ask, then silence then we’re back together we’re having a baby and we’re happy if you want to know how ask. This drive by “look at me, look at me, I’m happy.” when all logic points to a burning house is just so inconsiderate... if nothing else tell the whole story, OPer, if this is how you cope fine, but recognize your audience.

Thanks all for your comments.

Figure, yes it is with the same person that I reconciled and had a baby. No need to explain the story as it seem you know it well but fail to recognize that people learn from their mistakes change and can be better. Shes actually working and going for a college degree. We also went to couple therapy to heal from the “phantoms” of the past and improve our communication.

In this two year she demonstrated what she wants and who she wants to be. Im back because for those that are currently suffering to see my previous post and see what to do or not to do. I was on their spot and thats what I did.

I appreciate your opinion and hope that in your life you are not judging people by their mistakes in the past, unless you want to be alone.

Thanks all for your comments.

 

Figure, yes it is with the same person that I reconciled and had a baby. No need to explain the story as it seem you know it well but fail to recognize that people learn from their mistakes change and can be better. Shes actually working and going for a college degree. We also went to couple therapy to heal from the “phantoms” of the past and improve our communication.

 

In this two year she demonstrated what she wants and who she wants to be. Im back because for those that are currently suffering to see my previous post and see what to do or not to do. I was on their spot and thats what I did.

 

I appreciate your opinion and hope that in your life you are not judging people by their mistakes in the past, unless you want to be alone.

It is 2018, your last reconciliation happened in 2016 so no she has not worked on herself in two years, she had a baby with someone else in that time. The timelines are very confusing but that’s neither here nor there. Here’s the responses others gave you at the time:

Once again, it sounds like a VERY toxic relationship. But if you are both happy, then who am I to judge.

I never tought reconciliations go like "hey,I miss you" and then poof instantly you are back together again. Or am I at wrong?

 

Anyway,I wish you all the best.

She sounds like she is in a very vulnerable position and you provide a safe place and represent someone who makes her feel wanted.

That's all well and good but it's not the same as a mutually mature loving relationship.

Once the crisis has passed whether she stays or remains to be seen.

Please consider that you may be a buffer.

Hope it ends the way you want it to.

Reconcilliation number 2 - These are responses from this post:

Why go through the trouble of changing your number if you're just going to give it to her? This isn't going to end in happily ever after. This child is not your kid and she will have to be in contact with the child's father.

 

She feels sick so he's doing witchcraft?? Seriously?!? Maybe she's sick from all the stress of continually screwing with your head and creating drama in her life.

 

How can you not see you are better off without this person in your life??

 

When you allow toxic dysfunction in your life, it's because that's what you subconsciously think you deserve. Worry about fixing yourself, because it's you who needs the work on boosting your self esteem. There are cute, sexy, fun women out there who aren't carrying around stinky baggage. You'll have a higher rate of success in a relationship with one of them.

Thank you all for the reply. I'm not back with her and I don't think I will accept her back in my life. She needs to do significant improvements and I don't thing she's ready yet.

This is your life lulu and if you like it, I love it. I don’t have to live your life. My response was based on exactly what I said, if this is how you cope it’s how you cope but to make this specific audience part of it is just kinda mean... you coming back and posting is about you.

Who doesn’t love a success story? There’s an entire thread dedicated to successful reconciliations, it’s always amazing to see things work out, it can give hope on low days, but that’s not what you’re doing here. You want heart broken people to give you pats on the back for staying in a disfunctional relationship.

She had a child with someone else? She had a child with me. You are a true example of people who lived based on negativity no wonder why the last person you dated got offended because you dare to mentioned his past women. You need to start living and stop worrying. you need to start living the present not domeone else past. Have a good rest of your life.