Always sad...

Hi. I'm always sad (hence the username) and pretty much by myself 24/7.

I have anxiety also. I don't really know where i'm going with this post,

so I guess i'll just write what comes to mind.

From a young age I was bullied. I have been my whole entire life.

Never really had friends. I had a few but over the years, life got in the way, etc, and now I only have one friend who

I see maybe once every blue moon. Even my one and only sibling moved away, and I don't talk to them much anymore either.

Not on bad terms, but I guess it's cause we can't relate to each other much anymore, and it sucks.

I like to be around people, but I guess i'm also introverted because after hanging out with people for a while, and being disturbed

from my normal routine, I get sad, restless, and want to just go back home and re-charge. Basically..do nothing. I'm good at doing

nothing.. You don't need any special skills to do nothing. I'm just good at it. Probably the only thing I am good at. I could be in the

middle of a party, and then I'll get this wave of sadness over me where I just become quiet, and everyone asks if i'm okay,

and I tell them yes. I am. Because I am.

I'm just sad, and don't know why. I zone out, and my brain just clicks on the sadness emotion like your switching stations on the TV....

Anyways.. what i'm trying to say, is that I don't know why i'm so sad all the time. Sure, I may not have a lot of friends, and sure

I don't have a partner.. and sure.. my biological clock is broken because i'm behind on the bandwagon that is life.

No family, no kids, no partner, no house of my own, no car..etc. I'm actually surprised I have a job if i'm honest.

I guess maybe i'm feeling behind, and it's making me feel I dunno.. pathetic? Everyone else is moved on, and i'm stuck

in my same old ways. But... I guess i'll stop this here. Nothing else to say really. I don't even know if I put this in the right category..

Guess my train of thought that was nothing turned into a book.

Thank you in advance if you read this.. It's appreciated.

~Crybaby13

I'm sorry. It sounds like you are having a pretty wretched go of things, right now. Are you in therapy?

I read your entire post and I can absolutely appreciate why you are feeling overwhelmed. What support are you getting from friends and family?

Hang in, mate.

@Dahl not much, because I don't really talk to people about my problems.

That's probably not helping either, but I just don't feel comfortable in talking to people.

I guess it's the anxiety thing. And no, not in therapy. I probably should, but.. again..

I don't like talking to people about the "deep" stuff.

Anyways..thank you for reading. It's appreciated.

@Dahl not much, because I don't really talk to people about my problems.

That's probably not helping either, but I just don't feel comfortable in talking to people.

I guess it's the anxiety thing. And no, not in therapy. I probably should, but.. again..

I don't like talking to people about the "deep" stuff.

Anyways..thank you for reading. It's appreciated.

Absolutely you're welcome.

I do appreciate why talking about this might feel daunting, but I'd like to gently suggest that you consider it, even so. You don't have to struggle through this by yourself and a therapist or other support service will understand that you have difficulty expressing and exploring the matter. They won't expect you to articulate yourself perfectly, by any means, if that helps, at all!

You don't need any special skills to do nothing. I'm just good at it.

Nothing wrong with that.

Personally, I suspect Matt is a poet and a scholar.

What about some sort of therapist available to you online, OP? I know that some social anxiety can become rather paralyzing and I expect there are reputable sources for seeking assistance, perhaps to start, in unconventional means that are legitimate.

Dahl the universe is so complex that it even creates creatures that can try to understand it. Instead of suspecting maybe you should just ask yourself. I might just be a fancy turing expairment just like everyone else on here. You could be the only true biologic.

OP how old are you? Do you have aNY hobbies stuff that interests you?

I'm 27. Music interests me, and drawing, but nothing else really.

I'm 27. Music interests me, and drawing, but nothing else really.

These are dead brilliant passions, truly. I'm not at all meaning to harp on therapy but both art and music are frequently used to help anxiety suffers, specifically. If talk therapy doesn't sound appealing, just now, what about looking into a way to use your creative talents as cathartic endeavors, perhaps?

Crybaby13,

I'm sorry but I'm going to be a bit blunt with you. From a viewpoint of someone else who has both depression and anxiety, I can relate with the difficulty of expressing your true feelings and thoughts, but believe me, it is very relieving to let some of that load off your chest. Through a platform like this website, don't be afraid to express how you feel in greater detail. No one is here to shut you down or mock you. Everyone here only wishes to help (also not having to make eye contact and feeling pressured in your response is a huge plus in my book).

Finally, don't worry about your "biological clock" being out of whack. Everyone progresses through life differently. The "who's, what's, where's, when's, why's, and how's" of life are not set in stone, cookie cutter format so all I really would like to say is, try not to dwell on the subject because it honestly isn't worth your time.

-Mason

(P.S. sorry I didn't cover a lot of the points you brought up, I'm not the clearest thinker when tired.)

@Dahl not much, because I don't really talk to people about my problems.

That's probably not helping either, but I just don't feel comfortable in talking to people.

I guess it's the anxiety thing. And no, not in therapy. I probably should, but.. again..

I don't like talking to people about the "deep" stuff.

Anyways..thank you for reading. It's appreciated.

@Crybaby, as I was reading your thread, I thought to myself, did I write this? Point is, I too suffer from Major depressive disorder/anxiety and borderline OCD. I had a very rough childhood and was bullied most of my life. I had friends, but like you they come and go. In other words trust issues.

Here is what I did to get through those dark dark days and to finally see some light at the end of the tunnel;

1) I see a GP regularly just he could follow up and refer me to specific specialists when needed

2) I also go therapy

3) I also see a psychiatrist for medication purposes

4) I go to group therapy (helps me a great deal) It feels safe there, meeting people in the same situation. Just hearing their stories helps me realizes I'm not alone in this world suffering from this.

5) I go to exercise regularly - This is by far the best thing I have done for myself. Not only does it make me feel good, I also look better. It boost my self esteem and my mood. Nothing has helped me as much as regular exercise at the gym did. It also gets me out of the house and have a regular schedule and also lets me set goals.

Last thing; with depression or anxieties (mental illness) really, only you could help yourself! Ask yourself how badly do you want to see light? How badly do you want feel some happiness?

I've learnt that there is no magic pill or any awesome therapy that is going to make it all a sudden go away. Therapy and medication acts as a cushion to help me through some of the toughest times, but only me, myself and I could help me out of this.

Have some faith in yourself, believe in yourself, take things 1 step at a time. You could do it, if you want it bad enough. Things will get worst, but it will get 10 times better when you get the proper help for yourself. All the best.

Agree. Start doing all this rather than an uphill climb with all this inertia.

1) I see a GP regularly just he could follow up and refer me to specific specialists when needed

2) I also go therapy

3) I also see a psychiatrist for medication purposes

4) I go to group therapy (helps me a great deal) It feels safe there, meeting people in the same situation. Just hearing their stories helps me realizes I'm not alone in this world suffering from this.

5) I go to exercise regularly - This is by far the best thing I have done for myself. Not only does it make me feel good, I also look better. It boost my self esteem and my mood. Nothing has helped me as much as regular exercise at the gym did. It also gets me out of the house and have a regular schedule and also lets me set goals.

Thank you everyone.

It's so hard to confront people in my life though that I think I have depression

because it's been in my family and the results were not good before.

I would never consider doing anything to harm myself, but i'm just always sad,

and I just want it to go away.

I like to be around people, but I guess i'm also introverted because after hanging out with people for a while, and being disturbed

from my normal routine, I get sad, restless, and want to just go back home and re-charge. Basically..do nothing. I'm good at doing

nothing.. You don't need any special skills to do nothing. I'm just good at it. Probably the only thing I am good at. I could be in the

middle of a party, and then I'll get this wave of sadness over me where I just become quiet, and everyone asks if i'm okay,

and I tell them yes. I am. Because I am.

 

I'm just sad, and don't know why. I zone out, and my brain just clicks on the sadness emotion like your switching stations on the TV....

 

~Crybaby13

Hey can I just say, I totally get where you're coming from. You sound like a fascinating and intelligent person. Maybe like me you don't like opening up too much because you're afraid what people will think - maybe it will be too deep as you say. I 100% get you.

Now I don't confess to be a master of my own sadness mode. And believe me, sometimes I feel like totally withdrawing from everything and just being by myself staring out into the distance and just 'feeling' this weird sadness inside. Trick is knowing when it's over indulgence. It's a tasty comforting sadness that you can lose yourself in, but there's a danger of getting stuck. I guess nowadays I like to enjoy my sadness in my own time, and not let it hold me back.

And yes - this seeming contradiction of liking to be around people (part of me LOVES this) but at the same time wanting to be alone (I also LOVE this) - which I don't get to this day and I'm not exactly young either. Its totally okay to be like this actually. Because being with people and being alone can be awesome things - in the correct doses of course - and that's different for everyone.

And yes - people asking me if I'm okay when in sad mode and I say yes - I'm fine. Get that too.

So whilst I'm not you and have my own array of life issues and problems to deal with, your description of this sadness part of you is not out of the ordinary and you should absolutely never think that you are not normal for feeling sadness.

You say you are lone 24/7, now that is something which you can do something about. You say you love being around people so I'm guessing that when the mood takes you, you don't have a problem being sociable. At times when you're feeling sad a bit too much for your liking, those are the times when you need to step up the socialising. Only last week I was having a truly awful day and forced myself to spend time with a friend - and I am so glad I did that, because it's the last thing I wanted to do.

Hey I really hope you get some joy out of using this forum. You're not alone buddy.

hey OP, you still here?

you've gotten wonderful advice already so i will only offer a brief explanation of why the conventional approach seems to work, in case that lessens some of your anxiety about getting proper help.

if you don't want to talk about "deep stuff" that is perfectly reasonable. there seems to be a conviction among people that they will have to expose their deepest wounds in therapy and that the recovery process will resemble pouring a stinging burning solution on wounds to make them heal. it is rarely so, unless you so opt for something thorough, like psychoanalysis for example, which most people don't because it's so draining and lengthy.

you actually can even choose a therapeutic approach where you don't talk about your past at all. reality therapy, choice theory, rational emotive behavioral theory (my personal favorite and easy and safe to practice on your own as well) are all present focused.

the thing is emotional issues always have their roots in painful things from the past, dissecting each of those rarely makes sense. it's also fairly easy for a professional to get a grasp on your past from your current symptoms. for example, they can tell what problems were likely created through intrusive motherhood, early parental loss, humiliation, poverty, criticism, neglect, abuse etc. so it would be evident to them how we react to the present through the prism of the past without us having to go into a painful recitation of our experience. at most, a therapist can point it out to you that certain thoughts, feelings, behavior made sense in the past due to the circumstance at the time, but that they are no longer fitting, and they can suggest changes that would fit the present situation better. mostly, therapists will teach you to question the negative feelings and thoughts, challenge and reconstruct them, until they support your wellbeing.

another thing is when you've been sad for a while, your brain accepts the sad chemistry as the new normal, and cognitive changes alone, while they can do wonders for your mind ,may not do the same for your brain. it's for that reason a combination of therapy and medication gives the best results. there are many meds available to support mental health, doses can be titrated, meds combined so that farmacotherapy is suited to you specifically. sometimes it takes a very low dose to feel better with minimal or zero side-effects. meds are easy to get off when you no longer need them if you taper off gradually (usually for tapering your doctor prescribes a liquid form so that you can take your med by drops, and later even drops diluted in water until you no longer take anything. insomnia, nausea, tinnitus, nightsweats and similar effects of quitting are easily completely avoided this way).

your MD can help a lot. i have recently learned that they can refer you to CBT classes, which is like therapy except the emphasis is on learning to help yourself, rather than shifting most of the work on the therapists. perhaps the americans here would know with more certainty, but i understood classes are not payed for, like therapy is. maybe you'd like classes better because they're mostly about learning techniques you can practice yourself, and not so much disclosing your own situation or feelings, or even your past experience.

take fishoil. really, really, take fishoil. actually, any omega3 supplement will do. it does wonders for your skin and digestion too, apart from many other health benefits, and it seems to have a noticeable effect on mood for many people. i notice when i stop taking mine for a week (mood darkens, and there's a breakout). it does no harm, and if you notice mood enhancement after 2 weeks, even better.

if you can't bring yourself to socialize just yet, at least be a regular on here. the vicious cycle of emotional problems is largely enabled by lack of community support.

Thank you for that amazing post. It really made me feel better.

The thing is though, I live in such a small isolated community, and half the time "friends" are not an option.

They all live away, which makes me feel even more behind on the life band wagon, because i'm still here.

Everything just all around sucks, and I feel stuck, and I feel like it's never going to change.

I know I have to make a change, but I just feel like it's too much out of my comfort zone, even though

i'm not happy. I do not get myself. I really don't. But it's nice to know that someone else sort of understands.

See, the thing is, i'm probably the most emotional person you will ever meet, but I don't like to talk about my problems BECAUSE I get too emotional.

The professional most likely wouldn't even understand me. If someone raises their tone to me and it sounds a little mean, I get teary eyed.

It's really hard for me to talk about anything that makes me upset. Hence why I came here. Easier to type it out than to speak it.

yeah i know what you mean about small communities. i grew up in one too and didn't want to look for help there. i did as soon as i moved though- for a physical problem. and the doctor commented i seemed anxious and asked whether i always am and that's when i started crying hysterically. they were really nice and helpful, put me on an antidepressant, got me a mental health nurse to help while i was on the waiting list for therapy. i also feared because my head was such an anxious mess i wouldn't be able to coherently explain what was wrong with me, but they are used to that. the confusion and the hysterical crying didn't happen after that appointment, the nurse was uppity, the kind that makes you feel empowered and relieved. we laughed a lot. the first antidepressant wasn't very helpful for me, but i've been on a few since, sporadically, and the other ones were good.

i remember always feeling like i had to keep the lid on so all my distress wouldn't come out at the slightest thing. it goes away really soon after you have that first " i need help" talk, and with relief mostly, when you find you're not beyond repair and all avenues are not closed and someone or something will help.

ena is good for the most part. lots of great ppl who totally understand, it helps to read other threads too, journal, or scroll through the off topic section. i've tried various places but as irritating as this one can be at times, i've found it incredibly helpful.

eta: also, for this fear that your emotions will flood if you have to talk about them, i found the practice of "morning pages" really helpful. basically as you're sipping your coffee in the morning you write three pages (i sometimes write less, sometimes more) of anything. anything really. you can write quickly, it doesn't have to be presentable or in literary form because it's for you. it gets a lot of crap out in small, bearable doses, and you go about your day a bit less burdened. i have customized it a little. i skip sundays. instead of writing my pages on sundays, i take a colored pen and go through my pages from that week. i look for common themes and patterns, things that held me back, things that pushed me forwards. even little ones. i also write how long i've slept that night because it has a huge effect on my mood. i write down suggestions about what i might want to do differently that week. if i have persistent questions and dilemmas that bug me, i can track it as i get more insight through the weeks. we think we learn a lot less than we do. when you have it down on paper, you actually can see your confusion dissolving, and the burdens are left pages and pages behind. at first my pages were superficial because i couldn't get myself to write about important things, then i gradually added them into the mix until i became comfortable with them. if you need to make a commitment to be able to stick to it, you can also post them in the journals sections. and then you can choose whether you want ppl to be able to comment to give you more ideas, or if you're not comfortable with that, you can set it so that ppl can't reply.

there are free pdf versions of therapeutic workbooks for home use that you can download and do on your own as well. if you type something like cbt worksheets for clients or rebt worksheets or similar into the searchbar you should be able to find something.