Running away from it all!

Has anyone ever just considered or fantasized about cashing in all your assets and disappearing into some remote town (in my case...somewhere in the Rockies) and just get away? I have am very lucky and grateful...I have a good life, and great kids. My wife and I have issues to work through (but don't all marriages?). I have a successful career and I try and do good for others. It's just...sometimes the weight of "it all" gets to me. The thought of not having any responsibility, other than the next batch tourists to guide, or table to wait on and then alone with with no one to answer to is something that crosses my mind sometimes.

I need a vacation.

I think we all feel like that at some point .

Me too, I'd love to go somewhere in nature,but reality is that it's not such a carefree life as we see it from here.

I started a thread I thought about becoming a monk. It's unrealistic though. I enjoy technology to much. Plus I'm really scared of (the happening movie) actually happening. It's just a matter of time before the trees rise up.

Oh yes I often feel that way. I get bored with the same old same old and fantasize about life on the beach in Mexico. But I have a great husband and good kids (grown) and I'd miss them, I know it. I've got a gorgeous house in a secluded area with 1.5 acres of nature around me. So I've got what I want in that regard but sometimes I yearn for a total change.

Yep, and I sort of did do that at one point. Meaning I pulled up stakes, moved to a tiny abandoned ranch in the middle of nowhere, and started a home business.

Warning: this is not for the faint of heart. I am happy now, and I was all along when I did it, but I truly don't think I knew what hard work was until I did that. And the things I went through to get to this happy place now, well let's just say I don't recommend them for all but the most persistent who had previous knowledge and experience with the type of environment you land yourself in.

But yeah, I kind of did do that. Just no one told me about the crawling and four-legged critters or the meth labs out here, or what it would take to put a new roof on a place, or mend fences, bring in plumbing and electricity, yeah you name it. Plus it can get awful lonely way out here in the black. (Line stolen from a favorite TV series)

Sometimes I confess, I now dream about running back to a city where one can get fresh hot coffee on every street corner or go see a movie by hopping a bus or subway and being there in two minutes instead of a major trip into town traversing a battered highway while praying not to have a deer (bad), or skunk (worse) or elk (you're screwed) step out in front of you.

But then there are the sunrises and sunsets and how the landscape shifts like a kaleidoscope every hour on the hour, and getting to watch a bobcat family at play in your backyard? Priceless, I would not give it up for one second. Now excuse me while I have to go muck out the horse stalls.

I started a thread I thought about becoming a monk. It's unrealistic though. I enjoy technology to much. Plus I'm really scared of (the happening movie) actually happening. It's just a matter of time before the trees rise up.

Lol. Monks are allowed to use technology, they're not Amish. I lived on an Ashram for a while and they definitely use Facebook, record talks to post on YouTube, post on Instagram, etc. Unless you're going off to live in a cave in the Himalayas or something. Not trying to convince you to be a monk, but there is a middle ground.

To the OP: yeah you probably need a nice vacation alone. Why not take one to the rockies, reconnect with nature and see if that helps?

I have a successful career and I try and do good for others. It's just...sometimes the weight of "it all" gets to me. The thought of not having any responsibility, other than the next batch tourists to guide, or table to wait on and then alone with with no one to answer to is something that crosses my mind sometimes.

Yes, no one to answer to has perks, but having worked in a seasonal tourist economy, there is a flip side to living in the area and those kinds of jobs, such as finding and maintaining affordable housing, affording a reliable vehicle, not being able to afford (or find locally) good health care, little $ for retirement or unexpected emergencies, and basically irregular employment.

It works for some, is not for everyone, as PP mentioned.

Start with the needed vacation, and then going forward perhaps find ways to incorporate vacation qualities into your current lifestyle. Maybe scaling back on material things and financial obligations, simplifying where possible, taking mini-vacations and staycations….

Yep, and I sort of did do that at one point. Meaning I pulled up stakes, moved to a tiny abandoned ranch in the middle of nowhere, and started a home business.

 

Warning: this is not for the faint of heart. I am happy now, and I was all along when I did it, but I truly don't think I knew what hard work was until I did that. And the things I went through to get to this happy place now, well let's just say I don't recommend them for all but the most persistent who had previous knowledge and experience with the type of environment you land yourself in.

 

But yeah, I kind of did do that. Just no one told me about the crawling and four-legged critters or the meth labs out here, or what it would take to put a new roof on a place, or mend fences, bring in plumbing and electricity, yeah you name it. Plus it can get awful lonely way out here in the black. (Line stolen from a favorite TV series)

 

Sometimes I confess, I now dream about running back to a city where one can get fresh hot coffee on every street corner or go see a movie by hopping a bus or subway and being there in two minutes instead of a major trip into town traversing a battered highway while praying not to have a deer (bad), or skunk (worse) or elk (you're screwed) step out in front of you.

 

But then there are the sunrises and sunsets and how the landscape shifts like a kaleidoscope every hour on the hour, and getting to watch a bobcat family at play in your backyard? Priceless, I would not give it up for one second. Now excuse me while I have to go muck out the horse stalls.

Does your wife work? Is the marriage still interesting as far as romance, sex, affection? Don't forget to be a couple not just the family grind. Have you dropped the kids at friends/family lately and had alone adult time? Shake things up a bit. Make sure you wife is not in supermom mode and forgetting to be a woman.

My wife and I have issues to work through...sometimes the weight of "it all" gets to me.

Lol. Monks are allowed to use technology, they're not Amish. I lived on an Ashram for a while and they definitely use Facebook, record talks to post on YouTube, post on Instagram, etc. Unless you're going off to live in a cave in the Himalayas or something. Not trying to convince you to be a monk, but there is a middle ground.

 

To the OP: yeah you probably need a nice vacation alone. Why not take one to the rockies, reconnect with nature and see if that helps?

The Amish and Mexican Mennonites near me almost all have cell phones! I used to live where they were all old order folks who had nothing to do with technology now I live near the ones who seem to embrace it! They have the bigger, nicer, newer vehicles too!

I am jealous

Laughs. Ah you say that now, but just wait until a major storm comes up and caves your roof in at night and you shine a flashlight on the ground and realize there are several scorpions wiggling around on the floor. (True story.) And you cannot go back to bed and call someone else, because there is no one else to handle it. Just you. In the rain, trying to stop the leaking while preying you don't get stung. (They hurt like a *&*^*^(& but fortunately aren't any more poisonous than say a wasp where I live.)

Nature is beautiful out here, but she likes to slap everyone around now and again to remind us we only rent here. She calls the shots.

I try my best to live with it all and enjoy it. And I do love the land, so much so I still get that giddy falling in love feeling from time to time as I'm driving or riding around. They don't call it the Land of Enchantment for nothing. Or Breaking Bad either, come to think of it.

It's all either a love affair for me or an "I am leaving you, taking the kids, and you can keep the house" routine, no in-between. My most intense relationship by far.

Lol. Monks are allowed to use technology, they're not Amish. I lived on an Ashram for a while and they definitely use Facebook, record talks to post on YouTube, post on Instagram, etc. Unless you're going off to live in a cave in the Himalayas or something. Not trying to convince you to be a monk, but there is a middle ground.

 

To the OP: yeah you probably need a nice vacation alone. Why not take one to the rockies, reconnect with nature and see if that helps?

Ive got one scheduled for early in March. 🙄

Yes, no one to answer to has perks, but having worked in a seasonal tourist economy, there is a flip side to living in the area and those kinds of jobs, such as finding and maintaining affordable housing, affording a reliable vehicle, not being able to afford (or find locally) good health care, little $ for retirement or unexpected emergencies, and basically irregular employment.

 

It works for some, is not for everyone, as PP mentioned.

 

Start with the needed vacation, and then going forward perhaps find ways to incorporate vacation qualities into your current lifestyle. Maybe scaling back on material things and financial obligations, simplifying where possible, taking mini-vacations and staycations….

True. Simplify!

I've done this four times....at one point had a long term boyfriend, a lovely house in the woods, 80 acres, a steady job, and what I thought was a predictable future. Then when all of that fell apart I packed up my car for a five day drive and ended up renting a little place by the ocean on the east coast where I knew no one. The town was actually named Paradise Stayed a few years, developed an amazing network of friends, and it was an amazing time. Then I spent some months in a small town outside Toronto but it wasn't for me. So I applied for a job way up north (where there are no roads, fly-in only, and where I knew no one). Stayed there a year, learned a lot about myself, isolation and about the people and culture in the north. Then I packed two suitcases and boarded a one way flight to London UK and settled into a quaint Yorkshire town, where I fell in love with that Northern English slang and their obsession with tea and chocolate, and by the end owned seven umbrellas. I again knew no one when I arrived, so I did a lot of solo trips, traveled around Europe, and learned even more about myself. I stayed in Yorkshire for 3 years, and then one evening after work walking home along the river I learned something else about myself: I wanted to go home.

In the end I felt eerily similar to Dorothy from Wizard of Oz: I grew up on a farm in the middle of the bald prairie, and dreamed of running away, seeing new places, meeting new people, having a very FULL life. So I know what it's like to want to run away, and run away I did for many years. In the end I bought one more ticket: a one way flight home and I couldn't wait to get back to that farm in the middle of the bald prairie. There's no place like home (haha, I'm such a geek for that movie).

So, for what little it may be worth, the grass isn't necessarily greener on the other side. If, hypothetically speaking, you were to run away to a remote location and start over, it would be fun and freeing and amazing at first but eventually something might cross over in you the way it did in me, and you'll just wish you were home. Better, maybe, to take mini holidays now, even once a month give yourself a day or afternoon just to be alone somewhere, anywhere, just have a mini getaway. And then when you retire and your kids are grown, do as my parents are doing, spend your children's inheritance on holidays and a cruise. You'll deserve it

When I first 'ran away from home', most of the people I knew were still young and not ready to get married and have kids. Now that I'm home, most of those same people are married and have children. They have a home. I got off the plane from Europe weary, lonely and with only 4$ in my wallet (It WAS 34$ before I got to the airport, but I forgot they charged 30$ for an extra check-in bag ). I felt like I was starting over like an 18 year old again, struggling to start over, find my place, save money, find someone to be in a relationship with. I'm sitting here alone in my rented room right now typing this.

As trite or cliche as it sounds....if you have children and a wife to go home to, you're richer than you think.

I wish you and your wife luck in working through whatever issues you have and hope you have many years of happiness

Thanks everyone for the advice and listening. Here's the thing, I'm an introvert (1/3 of the population) but you wouldn't know it. I operate as an extrovert in my job, etc. I'm good at it, but it takes it's toll on me. When I started this my current job position, at my first all-staff, I let everyone know this about myself. That I eat alone mostly because spending my lunch time this way is how I re-charge.

So...I really appreciate the perspectives. I think with family and obligations I haven't been able to take time alone to myself very often (like a week by myself), but my current company, job and family situation allow me now to do this. So, per my prior post, I've scheduled a week long "alone" time the 2nd week of May. Looking forward to getting a 3-4 day hiking trip in (Isle Royale maybe...I've been there once with my kids), then fishing/camping in Northern Wisconsin or the UP. I'm very lucky to have a Wifey who understands this and encourages me to do these things for myself.

-J

I totally understand, and thanks for the update. Your plans sound great. In the meantime, can you find a way to establish a regular "walk in the woods" near you, a half hour or so several times a week in nature, be it a botanical garden, and wooded park, even a peaceful neighborhood away from traffic and bustle? You know, a "Happy Hour" of sorts, to help you stretch and "ground". Grounding is a thing, and introverts may need to schedule it. Walking on dirt paths, gardening, lying on a beach…being in nature.

Yes...i need to try harder to fit that kind of time in. 😆

Yes...i need to try harder to fit that kind of time in. 

Call it a "meeting" and put it on your schedule. And it is a meeting of sorts, meeting your healthy self, or whomever you want to call it.