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Living w in laws and sister in law advise


diva

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Recently moved in with my in laws with my 1 year old to go back to school and get rid of some of my husbands school debt. I do most cleaning and cooking and pay rent. There's two rooms upstairs, my husbands old room is much smaller then his sisters room.. is it fair to ask her to switch with us??

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No, it isn't okay to ask. You made the decision to move into the house to save money and brought additional chaos -- a child. Her room has been hers for years, and she did not make the decision for you to move in. That would be stepping over boundaries and being rude. And btw, if you move into a house to save money because you don't have to pay rent, you should be doing most of the cleaning and cooking.

If you need more space, move out.

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No, it isn't okay to ask. You made the decision to move into the house to save money and brought additional chaos -- a child. Her room has been hers for years, and she did not make the decision for you to move in. That would be stepping over boundaries and being rude. And btw, if you move into a house to save money because you don't have to pay rent, you should be doing most of the cleaning and cooking.

If you need more space, move out.

 

First of all, I do pay rent here. Second of all my child did not bring chaos to this household if anything she brought much happiness to them. And thank you for your insight.

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Nope. you get your husband's old childhood room. Use that as motivation to move out. can't you guys find a small one bedroom apartment or studio to 'save up and reduce debt"? You could put the crib in the bedroom and sleep on a fold out or use Japanese screens and find a bigger place with two bedrooms as the baby grew. There is a lot to be said for reducing debt but more to be said for having a place for your little one that is not nearly as congested and to establish your household, as modest as that may be. My friend is still paying on her student loan 20 years later. its not something that goes away with carefully saving over a year. Maybe refinance to a smaller payment and you wait tables or he waits tables on weekends for that little extra or you go back to school part time.

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Your child is not "chaos" but brings additional rules to the home she did not ask for - probably no music during naps, etc., and with 3 more people in the house it may make it harder for her to study herself or not feel like a guest in the house she lives in. 3 more people put an additional crimp in shower schedules and more

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Your child is not "chaos" but brings additional rules to the home she did not ask for - probably no music during naps, etc., and with 3 more people in the house it may make it harder for her to study herself or not feel like a guest in the house she lives in. 3 more people put an additional crimp in shower schedules and more

 

Yes that's true lol thank you for your feedback

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No, it's very rude, please do not ask her. You will be causing unnecessary tension.

 

You two made a choice to have a child and to move back into his parents' home. She was there first and just because you're in a small room with a child does not entitle you to her bigger room. Actually, that is a big pet peeve of mine with some parents I encounter at work: sometimes they say things to me that make them sound really entitled. Entitled to go first, entitled to the last of whatever resource before other people, entitled to having preference over which holidays to have off, etc. It's obnoxious. Just because you have a child and she doesn't does not mean you are entitled to her stuff/space and that it is okay to ask.

 

As abitbroken said, use it as motivation to move out.

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No, it's very rude, please do not ask her. You will be causing unnecessary tension.

 

You two made a choice to have a child and to move back into his parents' home. She was there first and just because you're in a small room with a child does not entitle you to her bigger room. Actually, that is a big pet peeve of mine with some parents I encounter at work: sometimes they say things to me that make them sound really entitled. Entitled to go first, entitled to the last of whatever resource before other people, entitled to having preference over which holidays to have off, etc. It's obnoxious. Just because you have a child and she doesn't does not mean you are entitled to her stuff/space and that it is okay to ask.

 

As abitbroken said, use it as motivation to move out.

 

When my mom became pregnant with me, she was working as a secretary and saving money to go to college. She would have loved to have gone, but she had to change her plans and so did my dad. He worked two jobs to get married modestly and stopped going to school also and put us in a rental so that mom could stay home for the end of her pregnancy and to take care of me. People didn't put their kids in daycare like they did today. Dad eventually worked one decent job instead of two marginal jobs, etc. If it had been today, I imagine that things would be different and mom might have taken a class or two while grandma watched us, but they never, ever would have moved in with family or given up a place to raise their family - they did not want to resume their role as the "child" in the house themselves.

 

Maybe you can work something out where the in-laws watch your child two times a week so you can go to school and just take one class at a time until you guys can afford for you to go more. Or maybe work those two days so you can get your own place and then go back to school when your little one is in preschool

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No, it's very rude, please do not ask her. You will be causing unnecessary tension.

 

You two made a choice to have a child and to move back into his parents' home. She was there first and just because you're in a small room with a child does not entitle you to her bigger room. Actually, that is a big pet peeve of mine with some parents I encounter at work: sometimes they say things to me that make them sound really entitled. Entitled to go first, entitled to the last of whatever resource before other people, entitled to having preference over which holidays to have off, etc. It's obnoxious. Just because you have a child and she doesn't does not mean you are entitled to her stuff/space and that it is okay to ask.

 

As abitbroken said, use it as motivation to move out.

 

Yes!!!!!!! Ugh, your so right!! Thank you

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Yes!!!!!!! Ugh, your so right!! Thank you

 

Maybe she'll surprise you and offer. If not, stay gracious to everyone in the home: you've chosen your bed and should demo no qualms about keeping a positive attitude and striving for harmony. It's your percentage play, because even long after you're able to move out, these people will remain your family for the duration. I'd never forget that.

 

Head high.

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