Need some perspective

Hi there. So, I decided to post on ENA to get some perspective about a situtation. I'm not asking for advice on what to do because, really, there isn't anything that can be done on my end; the ball is in his court. And, we can all speculate until the cows come home, but only he knows why he chose to handle things the way he did, so, asking people to determine his thought process is unrealistic. But, I still feel...upset by what happened and maybe some perspective would help me move past it.

6 years ago, i was in a relationship with a man who had a troubled past due to being in the war. I strongly suspected he suffered (and still suffers) from PTSD, though he never really spoke of what happened as it was before we met. Suddenly he dropped off the radar and shut me out without warning. I tried to reach out to him but to no avail. I didn't take it personally because I really empathised with him. We never spoke again.

Then a year and a half ago I heard from him. He wanted to make things right. He said that his feelings had never changed in all those years and that he'd made the wrong choice. I tried to get him to open up and tell me what happened (to make him end things) but he didn't say. So, I told him to never contact me again. And he didn't. Then a month or so ago, I thought of hm and how he must be feeling about the political situation in the U.S. we talked and that was great for about a week, until he once again told me that he was still in love with me, had never fallen out of love in fact, and that love had never been the issue. He wanted to see if we could try again, that he had always wanted to try again but respected my request for no contact. He told me that regardless of whether I would have him or not, he would never leave me like he did again, ever. I asked him to tell me what happened the first time around and again the second time around. I had a right to know before I could even cosindsr being open to the possibility of something potentially happening down the road. I got so frustrated with his inability to shed light on it that I just...I wrote every thought I'd ever had about us over the past 6 years. And part of that was my trying to see from his perspective what it might have been like for him in his mind about his past. I tried to see how it may have impacted his choices and I offered my understanding. Perhaps that was wrong of me to do so as that is a really personal experience. But anyways, he once again dropped off the radar, and it took me a month to realise he'd blocked me. We weren't even friends on fb and our pages were both set to pretty private already. So, I don't know what the point of that was. I also don't know why exactly he blocked me. It could be because I overstepped myself in speaking about his past. It came from a good place but in hindsight it wasn't my place. Or maybe it was because I overwhelmed him with my thoughts. Or maybe it was something altogether different. I have no idea, just as I didn't 6 years ago. Only he knows why. But I find myself feeling more upset about it. I thought I had no feelings for him. Why am I so bothered?

It sounds like whenever you try to get close or too inquisitive he disappears. Did he have another relationship in all that time?He may have found your impression of him or his past too hurtful or too invasive.

6 yrs is a long time to invest in someone who need to keep their walls up.

I got so frustrated with his inability to shed light on it that I just.. he once again dropped off the radar, and it took me a month to realise he'd blocked me. maybe it was because I overwhelmed him with my thoughts.

It sounds like whenever you try to get close or too inquisitive he disappears. Did he have another relationship in all that time?He may have found your impression of him or his past too hurtful or too invasive.

 

6 yrs is a long time to invest in someone who need to keep their walls up.

Do you mean me or him?

As for relationships - he said he has had relationships since ours but they don't work out because, for him, everything always comes back to me and I'm it for him. He said he didn't leave because I wasn't right for him; he left for other reasons and that he realised it was the wrong choice. In any case, I'd always thought those reasons were based on his history in the military. He has always maintained that he wants to write a long letter explaining himself to me but it is quite a daunting task. I thought that maybe if I spoke about it, perhaps it would make it easier for him to say. As I said, I'm not sure which part of what I said upset him. Or if I just said too much in general. I have no idea. Anyways, after I realised quite some time later he'd blocked me, I sent him a short email stating that I'd realised what he'd done and that I respected the fact he no longer wished to have contact with me, but that I felt it was important that I apologise to him for overstepping, regarding his past. I had meant well but I recognised it wasn't my place. I also apologised for the amount I spoke about. It wasn't my intention to get him to unblock me, I just felt it important I apologise for that, and so I have. And I've let it be. What's done is done. Only he knows about his reasons and can change the situation but I find myself still thinking on it, which is what brought me here.