Looking for advice on how to divorce when you have a child

Hi,

I'm 33 years old. Before I get to my dilemma I'll give some background. It may not all be relevant but I'll include it anyway. Bear with me.

Growing up I was bullied and not confident. I was not a success with the ladies. As I got older I moved away from the bullying group and found a new social group. I was more confident here but limited my social life to this group which was all male and just got drunk. I never created alternative ways to meet girls and in bars I never knew how to chat up girls (socially awkward and never knew what to say). So this led to me being 25 and never having a relationship.

One night in a bar a friend encouraged me to talk to a girl and I just happened to have a topic with which I could begin a conversation and left that night with her number. I thought she was nice and decided based on the possibility that I would die alone I would stay in contact. We went on some dates and I decided we weren't a match and tried to suggest to her we be friends. She kind of ignored that and I was too weak to really push (probably lonely) and we pretty much stayed together for like 4 years that way meeting up on weekends and not seeing each other all week.

finally we moved in together. my inability to talk to women meant my prospects were nil and so i stayed living with her a year. I won't go into the details but I am convinced that although I need therapy too work throgh my issues before i can have a healthy relationship her behaviour was still not acceptable. I finally had enough and moved out. I found an apartmet myself and was heading towards a new life.

we had broken up in december and the following february i was looking through a voucher website and saw an offer for valentines flowers. still haven't figured out why i sent them to her. fear of dying alone maybe. anyway we start meeting up again on weekends like how our relationship started and nothing was happening. just went out to dinner and went our separate ways at the end of the night. not even a kiss. until something did happen. we start having sex again and i had a holiday recommended in work and decided we would go there. in the mean tiime we kept sleeping together and then i ran out of condoms. when we were together before we had used the timing method based on her period and when ovulation begins and no pregnancy. however i think we pushed our luck because we did this several times and obviously she got pregnant. i'm reading a lot on how flawed the human brain is but i still cannot justify my deision making all the way from the flowers to the unprotected sex. next thing i know i'm faced with ending it and leaving her with a horrible choice or convincing myself that there's some hope of it working. i couldn't convince myself and suggested we have the kid living apart but she said it's all or nothing so i moved back in because even though she may stilll have chosen to keep it once i stepped away i would have no say in what happened. at the time i thought there might be some chance. I guess it was that old thinking a child will save your relationship fatal error. next she said she didn't want the child to not have married parents. at the time i felt again it was the right thing to do. it totally wasn't. i'm miserable and everything that caused us to break up is still here except only worse because now she has a legal contract and a child that makes it near impossible for me to leave. morally i can't just walk out and divorce could probably ruin me but i'm absolutely miserable and can't trust myself to make good decisions after all the terrible ones i've made.

I guess the question is does anyone have survival stories of how to leave a child (3 years old) behind and build a new life when you can't stand the sight of your partner to make a shared custody work?

I should never have sent those flowers but am I really obliged to give up my whole life because i messed up? Is my son obliged to grow up without a father because I messed up? I'm really lost. I can't make him suffer because of my mistakes but i can't stay living in the same house as her. Please help.

People divorce everyday. Privately consult an attorney about your divorce options and situation including child custody/visitation and support.

Why stay when you don't have to? What makes you think you have to "run out on your child", courts handle that, not you.

now she has a legal contract and a child that makes it near impossible for me to leave. morally i can't just walk out and divorce could probably ruin me how to leave a child (3 years old) behind and build a new life when you can't stand the sight of your partner to make a shared custody work?

I'm in no way expert,so take this carefuly.

You are not doing your son any good by staying in unhealthy marriage. He will learn from you,and what he will learn is that it's ok to be miserable and to let others walk over him. It's better to be from a family where parents are separated,than from family with no love.

You still can be in your sons life after divorce. It will be a little different,but stay there for him.

You need to seek the advice of an attorney. I'm sorry you're going through this, but you'll never get a fair shot without legal advice.

Speaking from experience, my parents used me as an excuse to stay in a loveless and problematic marriage. There were countless arguments that were sometimes physical.

As an individual, who was a product of such relationship, I can 100% without a doubt tell you that their marriage did more harm than good.

Because of what I was exposed to by my parents, I have a hard time trusting people and I am unable to form emotional attachment to many individuals.

I hate it when parents say that they stayed married for their kids.

Please, get a divorce now while the child is still young.

Yes, you may have quite a bit to lose. However, the longer you wait to get a divorce, the greater chance you have of losing more money, more property, more assets, and exposing your child to emotional instability.

When children are this young, they are able to deal with a divorce a lot better because they do not grasp an understanding of relationships, so seeing their dad over the weekend won't be a big deal.

I would consult a divorce attorney and see what your options are.

You obviously don't love this woman and you are unhappy. Please seek counseling and if you are so worried of dying alone please consider using a dating website in the future. It takes away the shyness of you meeting someone in person and you can start a conversation easily.

I think it is better to divorce than have the child grow up in a household with constant fights and non loving parents, that might affect them and desensitize them to certain things.

Consult your Lawyer and ask him your options, and go around everything, I believe it is for the best.

Good luck to you!