How long did it take you to feel love again for your gf/bf after reconciliation?

Like the title says, did it take you awhile to feel love again? Did the separation take away some of that love you shared, and when you rekindled, it felt like something was missing because of the pain that was handed to you? And when did you find it again?

Me and my ex are working on getting back together slowly, and even though I feel so happy when I talk to him and he makes me laugh, and makes my heart burst at times, I still feel a bit missing, and I think it's due to our separation. Before when we were together we always were in a just a happy, comfort sort of place. We knew each others faults and didn't judge them for it. We could sense when something was wrong with each other and help them through it if needed. We always reached for the phone to text one another the news if something was exciting as they were the first one we wanted to tell. We had inside jokes that we could laugh all the time and be silly with each other. And we grew in the bed room too where we were able to be sexually driven by each other and they were the ones we wanted to get off too.

I think we went through the giddy, happy go lucky stage in the beginning of the relationship and then got to the comfort stage. Then the separation happened which caused some pain but as I talk with him, I feel so happy and can think towards our future someday. That I can forgive his faults and see the strong man he will become one day. Will the extreme love stage where we feel breathless in each others presence, where not a day goes by where we can't stop thinking about each other, kind of love ever come? Has it for you? It hasn't for us, but maybe that comfort kind of stage is just the "right" kind of love we need right now, and when we get through our trials of figuring out things and finally reconciling maybe that extreme passionate love might come.

Just wondering what other people have gone through and maybe see if others have experienced what I am going through right now.

Why did you breakup? A lot of people who are hooked on infatuation chemicals proceed to on/off relationships trying to chase that giddy high.

However part of the rush is novelty and discovery which doesn't exist with an old partner.

In addition the wear and tear of on/off takes it's toll on oxytocin junkies. Sort of like heroin takes it's toll on it's junkies.

It was a stupid fight honestly, and he was dealing with some demons he had. Trust me we aren't chasing some sort of high. We want to make things work again and try to build a deeper relationship with a better love between us. I just want to see how others did it and if it took them awhile to get there or not.

You are talking about limerence. It's an early stage falling in love thing. Polyamorus people call it new relationships energy. That crazy obsessive stage doesn't last in any relationship. It's fun! It's a drug.

I know, but we fell out of that stage during our two years together before. We want to build a stronger love.

Well the issues need to be addressed first off that were the cause of the breakup. There is also amount of trust that has to be renewed in one another. You have to deal with those feelings ans at the same time do new things. Hopefully during your separation you both matured and discovered yourself and brought something new as well and better than before. Part of having a new reconciled relationship.

That's what we are working on. We have been slowly just talking with each other, working on building the trust again and we also have addressed the cause of our BU. And we have talked about doing new things too! He has definitely matured and improved himself, and when we finally reconcile we want to go to couples therapy just to help continue our relationship building and our trust in each other.

I'm hoping after all that, we can learn to love each other like we have never had before. I just want to hear others stories about how they found a better love after a BU.

As I've read before.. it may not return to the way it was before.

- Because of the initial BU- Which left damages ... and many mixed emotions.

- feelings often aren't the same as the first go.. (feelings may not be as strong)..and this is why so often 2nd attempts don't work out too often.

If there's been a good amt of time during your BU.. in order for what caused the BU, to be corrected/improved, then there could always be a decent attempt and much work-- together.

Never know!

The thing is, we already are working on putting the BU and the emotions with it behind us. Yes it's there, yes it's happened but we aren't letting it haunt us. And right now we are just working on rebuilding. I just want to know if others had found a better love with their SO after a BU.

You're looking for hope and there is another post with successful stories and people having great marriages afterwards.

I know, but we fell out of that stage during our two years together before. We want to build a stronger love.

You will always fall out of that stage after the first few months. It's a hormone-driven thing, not love. It feels wonderful, and everything seems perfect, which is why so many people confuse it for love. Love is not a feeling; it is an action--taking care of someone else, providing for them. And it doesn't always feel good because sometimes it's hard work.

You will always fall out of that stage after the first few months. It's a hormone-driven thing, not love. It feels wonderful, and everything seems perfect, which is why so many people confuse it for love. Love is not a feeling; it is an action--taking care of someone else, providing for them. And it doesn't always feel good because sometimes it's hard work.

I took a screen shot of that. Thank you.

Here is a good article about the topic of "love" : Love is really an action

Did you look at the relationship post break-up and recognise some needs that weren't being met? Are they being met now? Maybe that is the thing that is missing? You may have met people who meet those needs in the meantime but maybe didn't click with romantically... but now you know what's out there...?