Falling for a woman with walls up

I've been working with this girl who I fell for pretty much straight away however I was in a long term relationship at the time so didn't pursue it. That relationship broke down 6 months ago resulting in me moving back with my parents short term. About 3 weeks ago the girl I work with found out that I liked her and started talking to me but not much chat as she was very shy.

2 weeks ago we went out for a works night out in town and she was there. We got slightly drunk before I plucked up the courage to tell her how amazing I thought she was which seemed to have a positive effect as we spent the rest of the night in each others arms on the dance floor. The night ended with me back at hers and we stayed in bed together until 4pm the next day cuddling and kissing until I had to leave. I would agree that alcohol was a key factor in bringing us together but for us still to be cuddling and kissing at 4pm the next day must mean there is something there?

That was the best part of our meeting. Since then she has told me of the wall she has built up due to the heartbreak with her previous relationship and how she doesn't believe in love and that it will take me a while to get through the wall. I'd wait an eternity to get through and won't give up, I've sent her flowers and this weekend I'm taking her for a meal and bowling. She shows no sign of affection outside and at work, but when I drop her off at night or when I see her and have to leave I get a kiss on the lips.

Now I have never had this kind of woman before and I really don't know what to make of it. I'd love to hear from people who have been through this with their partners and how long it lasts before the wall eventually goes away or how you Managed to finally get let in as I'm really not prepared to let this girl go because of her ex's mistakes.

Honestly I may have a hard outlook , but I would turn and walk away because I simply couldn't be @rsed with all the drama . why should anyone have to break down anyones wall ...they should be pulling it down themselves before they let another invest their time in them .

I understand being weary and cautious ...that means you did learn from your previous experiences , but it stops there for me .

Most people inherently love a challenge. Unfortunately, it's usually not healthy to pursue someone who possesses the type of challenge she presents. You end up devoting a lot of your precious time to a high risk for your heart. When a person tells you point blank what the deal is, LISTEN.

Whom should one enter a relationship with? Someone who is fully ready to invest the same as you from the get-go. If you keep on with her, once the high of your hormones settle down, you will get damned tired of the agility course you have to slog through to try to make headway.

If you're in a room of 50 women your age, you're bound to have chemistry with at least a few of them.

Chemistry is extremely common to have with so many potential partners that you meet. You need to understand that once you feel chemistry, you also have to consider all of the other factors before taking a chance on a woman. When a woman tells you she's emotionally broken for the moment and can't be a good romantic partner, walk away. If you stay, she won't feel guilty when you start complaining because she told you up front what the deal is. Your brain will come in handier at this point if it can override your hormones.

I think it's very risky, entering into a relationship working on the basis that the other person's going to change. She's told you she doesn't believe in love, and that she effectively isn't over her last relationship. The only one who can let her walls down is HER, and it'll probably be a while before she's ready to do that.

I have a lot of sympathy with her viewpoint - it takes me at least a year to get over a relationship breakup, and during that time I'm not available. Some guys decide I don't mean it, and regard it as a challenge: "breaking down the wall". It's meant that I've had to cut off all contact with them because otherwise they'd get really hurt, and I'd feel intruded on.

Someone who needs to be healed into a relationship is not someone you should be involved with. And, by the way, lots of kissing and cuddling initiated when drunk doesn't mean anything much at all. When you say you fell for her straight away, was there anything more to it than looks?

Take it slowly because there are a few red flags here. A coworker and on the rebound and all this other "walls" stuff she's talking about.

Sounds kind of ironic that she'll go for a drunken hookup but talks about this: "it will take me a while to get through the wall".

I've been working with this girl who I fell for.The night ended with me back at hers and we stayed in bed together until 4pm the next day cuddling and kissing. Since then she has told me of the wall she has built up due to the heartbreak with her previous relationship.

She is stunning but their was more to it than that, my ex was severely controlling and pushed all of my friends away. This girl showed she was caring and considerate and trusting. I can see what you mean though about giving her space to heal but I get the feeling that even though she has a wall up, there is a part of her that wants help to bring it down?

I might just consider your help though and give her space, if she wanted me to help bring her wall down and actually wants me in her life then she will come to me I guess.

In my opinion she could have meant what she said for different reasons, but none which are good.

She might be letting you down gently instead of telling you that she doesn't want to date you, or she might be telling you the truth, that she is too messed up to be in any kind of proper relationship.

if it's the latter, she should be getting herself into some kind of counselling. It's not your job to fix her, nor can you. She has issues now due to the past and has not worked through them. The only healthy and proper way to work through this, is for her to get some kind of therapy.

I realise that you are determined, however, you are going up against something you cannot fix. You will be chasing and it's very unlikely you will be getting anywhere or it will turn into something very unhealthy, if not obsessive.

If you still want to see if things will work out with this person, you need to sit her down and be honest and let her know that you do like her but you will back off until she finds a way to work past her issues. The "wall" won't disappear until she get's help for it.

Yes- she may be different than your ex.. so you BOTH may have some underlying issue's.. should you try to persue this.

I don't feel this is going to go well for you two.. with her 'walls' and you recently out of a LTR which was challenging and probably rough on you?

Don't think this is going to much further than an occasional hook up with both of you being stuck in your own emotional challenges at this time of your lives.

Another thing.. she is a co-worker? Ouch! Not good to get involved with them.. It's a place of work.. Not to get involved.

Think this might just be some sort of 'crush'? because she's 'new' for you? ( something different?).

Think hard on this one.. take care of yourself.

If she's a co worker, it would really depend on how often you actually see her at work, to know how big a risk this is. As for those walls..

Its not your job to bring down walls. If she's into you, and ready, she will let you in. You can keep her open as an option, maybe she will warm up with a bit more time, but I wouldnt get too emotionally invested.

Yeah she seems like someone who likes to think she's more than she is. With all these "walls" talk is usually people who like to appear special and "broken".

But if she is indeed nice, take it easy and don't stress. If you feel you are not getting enough out of the relationship then dump her and try to move on.

Ask yourself how much of your interest is because she's a challenge.

Hooking up with a coworker the first time you're together and drunk seems like she doesn't need any help breaking down these imaginary walls.

I get the feeling that even though she has a wall up, there is a part of her that wants help to bring it down?

]