Finding things in common

So I've been dating my girlfriend for almost five months and we have come to the conclusion that we don't have anything in common. I was wondering if anyone had any advice on how to figure out things we have in common. We've tried talking about it but hasn't really worked yet. I just want to try everything before I lose the best thing to ever happen to me.

What is it about her that makes her the best thing to ever happen to you? You can still be compatible without having the same interests, if you have shared values, goals and feel happy together. I'm lifting this from an online article:

Common interests have NOTHING TO DO with compatibility.

 

I will repeat: common interests have NOTHING TO DO with compatibility.

 

Compatibility is about respect, first and foremost. If you like running, and I don’t, we can be perfectly happy together – as long as you don’t judge me for not running and I don’t try to stop you from running.

 

Common interests have NOTHING TO DO with compatibility.

It’s that simple.

 

Runners and artists and surfers and actors and musicians and doglovers are often attracted to those who have the same hobbies. Except these hobbies are not (or at least should not be) the things upon which your marriage is based. Two doglovers that don’t know how to communicate are doomed. Two intellects that are stubborn and busy will struggle. Two skiers that can’t trust don’t stand a chance.

I mean she's my second girlfriend and because of that I really don't know much about relationships she's literally been teaching me everything. I've had some issues growing up and she's been helping me get through those things. We communicate when something is wrong things like that. We are total opposites at first I thought we could try things that each other likes but that hasn't really worked. I guess we are looking for a foundation in the relationship instead of common interests because at the end of the day going bike riding isn't going to hold a relationship together. As of now the only thing we have in common is that we love each other and that's the only thing I've noticed that we can talk about consistently

I'd concentrate on the simple. Read a book everyone poops. I agree with the above goals values ect. I never met a woman who has the same hobbies activities or TV watching as myself. Only one liked one of the bands I liked. See what they enjoy try it. It might be something you both can share same goes for her. Good luck

How about signing up to do a volunteer activity together? Or both trying a new activity neither of you has ever tried?

How about signing up to do a volunteer activity together? Or both trying a new activity neither of you has ever tried?

I would like to but she's taking six classes and working 40 hours

I'm torn on this issue myself. I had a girlfriend that lasted 6 years, we had zero in common at first. Polar opposites actually in terms of our interests. But over the years, we developed some new hobbies together, and we each participated in each others individual interests to some degree. This took some years, but by the end we had a ton of exciting shared activities. While it was an incredible feature, shared interests didn't save our relationship when things got rocky.

we love each other and that's the only thing I've noticed that we can talk about consistently

This also sticks out to me. Once you've spent many years with somebody, its really nice to have common interests to discuss. It helps keep the conversations from going stale, in my experience.

ok break it down into 4 categories.

1) Her original interests

2) Your original interests

3) Interests you introduce to each other

4) Interests new to you both that you take up together.

It's nice to spend time together but yeah, learning skydiving together is not a foundation. In this case stick with #4 and start doing new things together because spending time, rather than talking about 'oooh you're the best' that gets old fast too. Go out and do stuff, concerts, festivals, whatever and build some shared things.

I guess we are looking for a foundation in the relationship instead of common interests because at the end of the day going bike riding isn't going to hold a relationship together.

I would like to but she's taking six classes and working 40 hours

And? Make the time. Instead of talking incessantly about feelings take a brisk walk together or go feed the ducks, etc. I was always insanely busy like that dating people who had the same and we planned things and did things.

You dont necessarily have to have the same interested to be deemed compatible. As long as you 2 can make it work, that is compatibility in my eyes. And also that you two take the effort to at least ATTEND things the other is passionate about.

People are very complex beings. Think about what drew you to her. If you have a similar sense of humor, maybe share comedians, webcomics, funny movies. Are you into her mind? There's tons of cool things for all kinds of different intellectual interests at museums and on YouTube and Netflix. Did you two meet through the same major? Obviously that's something right there that you can build into fun.

I don't know if either of you like to read, but even if you don't like the same books, do a book exchange. You might surprise yourself. Same with music. My boyfriend listens to almost exclusively music in another language, so I sat down and watched some music videos with him where there are the lyrics and cool graphics.

Sometimes even if you're not interested in it, listen and ask questions about it and learn why they love it. That's what I do for My boyfriends obsession with overwatch. I've seen all the video clips and know a bunch of the people now. Love makes what wouldn't normally interest you fun because their passion for it is fun.

ok break it down into 4 categories.

1) Her original interests

2) Your original interests

3) Interests you introduce to each other

4) Interests new to you both that you take up together.

 

It's nice to spend time together but yeah, learning skydiving together is not a foundation. In this case stick with #4 and start doing new things together because spending time, rather than talking about 'oooh you're the best' that gets old fast too. Go out and do stuff, concerts, festivals, whatever and build some shared things.

Second this post.

If you really can't find anything to talk about other than how much you love each other, it perhaps point to the fact that you're genuinely not compatible.

Don't feel bad though if that's the case, see it for what it is, and learn and grow from this experience. We may end up having many relationships over the years, and tend to grow out of the ones that happen in younger years. I've had relationships like that when I was in my late teens / early twenties. Over the long term, we really had nothing in common and all we really talked about was feelings and how much we loved and missed each other etc. indeed it gets old quickly. You just have to grow up and move on, find someone you can actually maintain a long term relationship with.

I'll second what nutbrownhare said, and add this (hope you don't mind subtitles. I think it's a very clever, but accurate observation of human relationships):

[video=youtube;FJpVmGiAA_c]

You don't have to have major interests in common. Small ones will suffice (as in the case of Amelie's parents, they both like polishing things (shoes/floor), and emptying their toolbox/purse, cleaning it out, and putting everything back in neatly. It's the simple things in life that matter. Oh, and values. Similar values are important. But the major ingredients are liking each other and mutual respect.

This also sticks out to me. Once you've spent many years with somebody, its really nice to have common interests to discuss. It helps keep the conversations from going stale, in my experience.

Another thought. Discussing topics you DON'T agree on.

Why limit your coversations to the things you do agree on?

I would think *that* would get quite stale and boring.

It is okay, even good to disagree on some things. It makes for some lively, fiery and passionate conversations.

You can learn from each other, I love when a man challenges me on my opinions and ideas.

I think having so much in common and many common interests are highly over-rated.

Embrace your differences, challenge each other!

Like I said you can learn from each other plus it keeps your relationship alive and exciting.

Personally, I think common interests are overrated. That's the stuff that gets you two talking, but at the end of the day do you want your partner to be just like you? I think that would get boring quick. What's more important is how you two get along. Are you interested in her things when she presents them to you and vice versa? If one of you doesn't like something that the other has to offer, can you talk about at and discuss it in a constructive manner? If not, that's an issue, but if so then you have nothing to worry about.