No contact worked, almost got back together and i blew it!

Hi Everyone (this is a long one)

Okay so first of i followed all the advice on getting my ex girlfriend back and it worked perfectly.i couldnt believe that achieving this was so such an easy task.but it backfired because i did the unthinkable.

My ex and i was in a hartwarming and deep loving relationship for nearly

2 years.(she was 18 at the time and i was 22). We went through so much together during that time that it felt the bond wouldnt break no matter what crossed our paths.but after moving in with each other, which was the biggest mistake, things started to look bad. we didnt argue at all, hence we stop having the deep conversations about problems we had or things we wanted to make this relationship work.

so for a month we tried to make each other jealous and basically dodged any conversation. and then the dreaded words came out of her mouth that she wanted space. (in other words move out to her parents again) i felt betrayed and that she would end the relationship after some time. so my response was to ignore her till she decided to go to a friend for the night.

So we talked it out but i was still sceptical about it and she left me 3 days later.

i was devastated...she started going out with the wrong people

, she started drinking and smoking and basically got carried away. Like any other guy i started begging for her within the first week. she said stuff like she didint want a relationship right now ect. and this went on for 2 weeks. I begged about three times and the last time she asked me to go out for a drink. Things abviusly went great and felt she changed her mind again and wanted to give this a shot. After sleeping over at my place she left and things started looking again. She basically had mixed emotions. Then i went online and found your program looking for answers.

I immidiatly started the No Contact Rule.

I didnt check her facebook, i remove her number from my phone and all that. After 4 days she text me and said she still had my extra car keys. i replied with "oky" after a few our and she said "thnx". A week later she said the same thing and i knew she was looking for attention. i told her to put it somewhere i can get it sometime.

The day after i met a girl who was also in a rebound stage. we bonded real quick and it felt like i was needed again. So as you can imagen we did everything people would normaly do in a relationship. It felt like im getting over my ex and this was a good thing, but after two weeks she ended it cause i was still moping about my ex. (this happened cause i found out that my ex had slept with someone else, i wasnt mad cause i did the same.)

About a week before hitting the 21 day mark of the NC rule my ex started to beg for me to talk to her. She messaged me every morning and every night just to say "have a nice day" or "sleep well hope everythings good". Right on the 21 day mark she begged me to please talk to her. I right then and there decided to answer with "il pick you up and we will talk", and we did and we had a blast. We never spoke about the realationship and she just started making out with me. So i knew then that she had feeling for me still. I then "bombed" her with a choice of either working to fix this relationship or im out. Stating that we could ot be friends and she actually agreed but we said we wanted full honesty. she right away told me she had slept with someone else but felt bad about it. (which i already knew). i told her i slept with that girl that rebounded with me and she lost it right there. She acted like i cheated on her. I then dropped her of and she went on and on later that night about not liking that which i did. This carried on for 2 nights and i told her that if she wanted to fix this she would have to stop talking about her to me.(what i forget to mention is that i was her first sexual encounter.)

Things went great after that night. We started flirting and hanging out. She even helped me move to another flat out of her own and decorated the place. It felt like she actually wanted this to work again, but a few days later i someone elses name was on her watsapp states with a heart on it. I felt used and betrayed ones more but never told her that, cause i read the part of the email were you stated she would be confused because there my be another loved one.

Another week went by and we were basically together. She would kiss me goodbye, she would come over and have sleep overs, we would watch movies together, she would pay when we wnt out for a drink. This literally felt like a 2 way street, but the other guy was still in the picture. (for the record he was a long distance fellow).

After 3 weeks of waiting for her to choose me above him i decided to put distance between us and see what her reaction would be. I decided to visit my brother with a friend in another town. She wanted to come with but i refused. I ignored her from the day before the weekend and over the whole 2 days she kept calling and telling me she loved me, stating i shouldnt look for someone else but i ignored it all until late saturday i her told we can talk about this on sunday when i get back. she agreed.

I got back and we talked. she wanted to dodge the converstaion but i said that im tired of the ups and downs and the mixed emotions we gave each other.( basically stating im over this game we were playing.) and told her that she should make up her mind by wednesday. we started making out again and i felt afterwards it was wrong to give her wat she wanted but i couldnt give in. The next day she said that she thinks that she is pregnant. Then i thought that no matter what this is my responsibility. I told her that i would buy the tests and then friday she could sleep over and do the test the next morning. The part of her maybe being pregnant was the worst part, but that was the reason the following week was our biggest bonding stage since the meet up. I saw that she never talked over the phone with the other guy in front of me and i felt that she had left him. So on saturday we "dodged a bullet".she wasnt pregnant. she wasnt to excited about it, which was weird. I told her she was only turning 20 now and this is not what you needed at this time in your life.I dropped her of at work later that day.

The next morning around 7 o clock she knocked at my door and came in with her bags and all. She just came to visit but it made me feel wanted by her again.It showed me she wanted to be with me as much as possible.(the bags was just her traveling bag.she didnt have a place to stay so she lived everywhere, even with guy friends, which is the one that dropped her of at my place. Gave me a bit of trust issues but i could live with it.)

The next day was my birthday. i was at work at the time when she sent me a heart warming message which didint state we were friend nor that we were lovers but good enough to give me hope. (this was on the 13 feb.) so i decided to ask her to be my valentine and she said yes of course. This made it clear to me that she wanted me back and made her choice, but i was wrong. On valentines day i wanted to make it special and remind her of the good times. i brought her a rose and all the sweets she liked and n few movies to watch, cause it was raining that day. i picked her up straight after work and things were perfect until later that night while we were watching movies she was laying in my arms and chatting with the other guy over watsapp. i then felt dead. she told him she was at her dads place and wished he was there with her. I also saw the message her friend sent to her "your lucky you have someone i dont". (i knew she wasnt talking about me because my ex hid me away from this friend cause she was the one that introduced him to my ex.) so i played along with everything the rest of the night and dropped her of the next morning cause i had to go to work.

I decided to ignore her for the next few days and think about the situation. A friend told me that i was stupid to even allow her to do this to me and should "cut her off" for good. but i wanted to see if she would change her mind. On thursday she asked if i would come out with her the weeknd to the club. I ignored it cause a friend convinced me that we were just gonna have a good time and she would come over and leave the next day and i would feel crappy again not knowing where we stand with each other. so i decided to send her a message stating that i couldnt trust her anymore if she cant commit to me and that i wanted an answer by midday. she then said she wants to commit but doesnt know if i will and she doesnt want history to repeat itself. (right there i knew that i was right about the history thing and that she needed time.) I told her that i want us to start on a new page and drop everything that happened while we werent together. she said she was confused. I then took my final shot at getting her to remember the positve things by sending her a song that always popped up whenever we had a good time.just n few moment later se sent me a lot of crying faces and said she burst into tears at work.I appologized for doing that to her at work and she sent me n few song also which reffered to us being together and fixing things and all that love stuff. after all that i still thought to myself i just couldnt trust her with this guy around. she could talk to him whenever im not around, but i stil asked that we could talk about this around 4 o clock that day when im done with work and she said maybe past 4 and i agreed.

Then around half past 3 she said something i was afraid of. she posponed the whole "talk" to the next day even though i told her i needed an answer. I immediatly felt like she doesnt take this seriously and doesnt care about us at all. (felt like the whole rolercoaster effect is starting all over again.) Out of pure dissapointment and not thinking straight i did the unthinkable. I wrote to her, even after all thats been said through the day, that i am not interested in this relationship anymore and that i would like to do my own thing and that she should have a nice day and cancel the "talk" cause theres nothing to say anymore and that hope everythings well for her further on. as soon as i sent that message to her i fell to my knees and broke down.thinking that it was best for her and thats wat she wanted. i literaly dissapeared for the whole weekend an didnt read any of her replies cause i was afraid to see what i have done.

After breaking down the whole weekend and manning up i decided to turn ons my cellphone and read that whick she replied. She was broken. She said that she was ready to give us another chance, she was devastated that i would even play with her emotions this whole month and do something like that to her. She said that i was the guy she was the most inlove with in her entire life and that i was the one to break her heart the worst way possible and that she never wants to see me again and hates me for it.

That mesage broke my hart into a million pieces, cause then i knew that i had her and because of my selfish act i have lost the girls that i have loved most in my life up until now and theres no turning back. i knew i hurt her and that was not the motive the whole month. She had removed me of of all her social networks. Then i decided to man up and got into my car and drove to her work.

I went into her office and immediatly told her that "im not here to beg and plead or even to say wrong things to you but im here to ask for your forgiveness for the way i treated you in the last message i sent". She immediately said she accepted my appology and kind of smiled at me. (maybe the way i was all out of breath and walking up and down.) i told her that i was not leaving until we could discuss every misunderstanding we had this entire month. she said not at her work place. i said its fine and we both decided to talk afterwards.

I picked her up after work the same day and we went to her mothers place to talk alone. i then said we should be fully honest now and no holding back. (i wasnt there to beg or plead) we told each other everything. she admitted to liking the guy and hiding me from certain people cause they would tell on her. she also said she wanted to make me jealous at certain times and was always jealous at every girl that was on my social media. i admitted to everything and she also did the same. she was a bit cranky nearing the end but stil listened to what i said and had questions about our motives in our past relationship which didnt add up to her.

Both of us was stunned at the stupidity of overthinking over the course of the month. she said out of the blue that which i sent her broke her so much that at this stage she would not be able to handle a relationship and that she doesnt care about anything anymore. i told her its her choice and i respect that. she then popped the question of being friends or leaving each other alone forever.(couldnt really understand that cause i broke her.) i told her how i felt about her since the time we met and how my emotions worked during this month and i could see she didnt expect that answer. she never showed any emotion of caring during the meeting with lot of silence in between.

Her parents were on the way so i had to start leaving. I walked towards her and gave her a hug in which she grabbed me so tight i couldnt breathe and then she started crying.(i couldnt believemy eyes.) and because of this i also shed a tear. (blew my cover of being a man) she said i shouldnt cry but i said i still have a soft spot for her and that i would always love her and she immidiately said the same.(even after the whole pokerface show she gave me.) i felt a little bit of hope again. So i said that for atleast the rest of this month we shouldnt make any contact and i will talk to her on the 2nd of march>she promised not to talk. (i actually hope she does) i then walked out and she followed me and gave me a second hug and saying that i shouldnt fall inlove with someone else soon. (this gave me hope) and said that as soon as we hang out again we should go for a drink at our spot. I proceded to get in my car and she just came smiling at my window looking like she wants to kiss me.(staring at my lips and the eyes.) but stll hesitant, asking me if i still have her nail clippers at my place.(was this an excuse to actualy kiss me?) and i said yes and her towel and that i will drop this of at her work sometime. she just smiled and gave a quick laugh and said i should probably leave now. she stood in the pasage way until i was out of the gate.( which she never actually did before.)

I was happy that she could still be in my life but still mad at myself for was i did. i couldve had her now but because of my selfish and needy behavior she is maybe lost forever.

Now my question to you is do i still stand a chance at getting her to back and making her love me again? can i still ignite this spark between us?or else again after which ive done? am i doin this right at not talking for atleast 2 weeks for her to miss me again or else forget about what i have said to upset her. is this a bad approach? i need to know how i can go about fixing this even though we both know that this is her choice to make.

You know.. you gave her too many chances... only for her to keep 'using you'.. to get over you

But.. Life is an experience.. lots of learning experiences.

Wit her flip-flopping back n forth with this other guy.. shows her instability/confusion. At this stage is when you walk!

She is not stable.. at all.

You are both very young- and it sounds like she is still 'curious' and not yet 'ready' to settle.. with the drinking, other guys.. etc.

You're selfish need? She's acting out too.. pulling you back n forth.

IMO.. I think that 'spark' is gone She backed away for reasons.. as I stated ^. She is very unsure of her emotions & heart and seems to be wanting to continue venturing out there- but is trying to resist you over & over.

For your own good- is to stay away and keep walking.

Things ended for reasons.. now it's time to step away and work on accepting & healing. You can't if you keep falling back.

In 2 weeks? this will probably keep going on-- as it has been for the last few weeks. NOTHING has changed or will in this time.. and you already know she's got another admirer... so respectfully step aside and let HER deal with 'her choice' to move on...

Missing someone does not mean you're meant to be together.. I've been there.

You can't 'fix anything'. What's done is done.. she wanted to move on... let her.

Work on YOU now. Work on keeping the distance and accepting the facts, as I mentioned.

i'm not going to read this entire scroll, sorry. i think that before you start looking for a magical formula or "program" to have a relationship, you should stop underestimating your own common sense, which would tell you that two people who play really low games with one another cannot have a healthy relationship. it would've saved you a lot of time and emotional energy. learn the lesson for the next girl, and leave this crap behind you. you will heal.

Sorry to hear this but you were both playing way too many hot/cold/, on/off games and the worst part was truth or dare games about who slept with whom on the off time. Also, if you never fix the underlying reasons why you broke up the cycles will just continue.

since i am a female and ive done this before plenty of times... i honestly think and i know for a fact that she knows you have a soft spot for her and she knows she can have you rapped around her finger! you did give a lot of chances but its nothing wrong with that.

and the fact that she continues to go back and forth with you shows that their is another person and she doesnt know which one of you guys she likes the most, so she decides to just stay in the middle and not to give so much love because she has to play it safe, she likes you guys both but she doesnt just want to settle for one person right now. and if you continue to play this game forever with her youll never find your true love.

that other girl that you starting being friends with could have helped you a whole lot with getting over this girl if you wouldnt have talked her up so much, my new suggestion is NEVER tell a person about someone else unless they ask!!

you have to get over this girl or youll be a old guy saying things like "she would get it together, im just going o wait for her," set boundaries for yourself! if she contacts you, YES talk, start doing her the same way she does you. just dont fall for her so fast like you would normally do!

Thanx for the feedback. appreciate it. (soosad33) Yeah you know youre right cause every morning i wake up i remind myself that the world outside is much bigger than this single "problem" i have. i do miss her a lot but i forget how it feels to love myself. before i met her i was single for 3 years and i was probably the happiest guy around. (gave her a chance cause she was really into me). i didnt need anything or anyone to make me happy. Now i have revolved my entire happiness around her which is the wrong thing to do. yeah ive changed for her and was wrong a lot of times during the relationship. (got anger issues, verbally) but my biggest obsticle is that im a guy that leaves "no stone unturned" but ill have to accept that she's changed and wants to move on.

The thing that bothers me the most is that when we met she didnt know anything about the "outside world" (very strict parents). I was her first at everything litteraly. the first guy she slept with, the first guy to take her to a bar, her longest relationship (and mine to be honest), the first guy to actualy be alowed at her house ect. so seeing her change wasnt a shock cause i was ready for it. Was ready to help her through it or else be with her along the way. so in the process i "lost" myself.

Where im getting at is the fact that i have to accept that she either l learned how/ or ive never noticed that she knows how to be with two people at ones, but she has standards and she knows long distance with the other guy would never work out. (she had a relationship "over the phone" at a time) She did friendzone him and showed me the last time we talked but this doesnt change anything. He is still on the hook. and im not someone elses second choice.

Thanx vanity for being honest.Good to hear it form a girls prespective.

Yes she has her ways of wrapping me around her finger but i also had my ways.

if you knew me about 3 years ago you would know i was the "alpha male" type and would even post sumthing like this looking for suggestions on how to fix this. i would normaly just say screw this and never talk to that person again, but it seems i turned into a softy for this girl and now im having a hard time manning up again.

Yeah even if we "fixed" this realationship she would still be able to talk to the other guy and later on things would turn out the same way. (that i accpeted) she is not the cheating type that i know for sure. shes a nice and kind person.i have nothing against her.she just has a hard life and too much to deal with. so until she got herself together this would anyways not have worked out, but like i am i never give up.

yes the other girl helped me a lot but i didnt care about her at all. she wasnt realy my type or someone i wanted to be seen with. literaly the opposite of my ex. and she had a "bad name".

So i get what your saying cause i have "friend zoned" a girl into liking me before so i can do it again. but the fact is i have other admirers now also and i can move really fast into dating again (which isnt hard for me) i just have to get her out of my mind and stop comparing others to her!

(update) I feel for her again.

So about two weeks later she inbox's me on fb saying hi with a GIF but i didnt respond. just a few days later she asked for her stuff back (a face cloth and a eyebrow trimmer which is useless stuff if you ask me) just a way of getting my attention? but why after she wrote me off.(had a hard time not answering her and its killing me inside to not even check her profile or even a single pick of her on instagram.)

so as you could guess im active on social media and posted a pick of myself on instagram and guess who was the first to like it.(yes my ex) but why is the question.(then again she is trying to get my friends attention on FB the whole time by commenting on basically everything he posts, and yes im jealous, and he lives right next to me, but i do nothing about it.) That was 5 days ago still going strong and still fighting not to check her profiles on anything. hoping that she does not fully move on this time actualy.

Guess im not strong enough at this point but how is it that she takes everything so easily like nothing ever happened? i actualy feel excited to wait for someone else to walk into my life sumday but now my ex is still at the top of my pedestal. Why does she keep coming back and liking my stuff? (can someone be this cruel)