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Thread: We are taking a break and i dont know what to do in this situation...

  1. #1

    We are taking a break and i dont know what to do in this situation...

    Me and my boyfriend have been together for the past almost 4 years....i believe that we have the best relationship...i see him as my best friend....he is always the one who can make me laugh to the point where i cry and smile so hard that i feel my face cramping. He has been there for me through thick and thin. He is going through a lot these past few months with his disease that he was born with (cystic fibrosis) ...this is a disease that gets brutal as he gets older. On and off again he has tried to push me away... because he doesn't want me to see him die slowly as he gets older. He doesn't want me to suffer. He has also been going on and off about wanting to be single and live out his life while he is young...saying that we are only 18 and that there are so many things for us to do with our life while we are still young and that we should go and talk to other people..because life is just too short....he wants me to meet another guy who can treat me better then he has. It was very hard for him to say this because he started crying. He is very very insecure....and i believe that has to do with the fact that he has a life threatening disease and was also adopted at birth. He feels as if he doesn't deserve me, he feels that he doesn't deserve such a beautiful and precious thing in his life, he feels like he doesn't deserve my love. Just About 2 weeks ago we called to take a break in the relationship for about a month or so and then meet up somewhere...talk...and just say where we are, and what we believe is going to be right for us. This break has crushed me entirely, everyday I struggle but here and there I toughen up and find some happiness in the midst of all this mess... Tonight he texted me saying that a couple of his friends will be going to the beach for spring break, but he doesn't want to go because they will be bringing alcohol and weed...and he doesn't like being around that kind of stuff at all. But he said that he still wants to go to the beach, but he said that he wants to go with me. He said that we both might need this...to get away from stress and to just have fun. I want to go with him but i dont think my parents will let me....but i was also thinking of another idea. What if i say to my parents that i am spending the night at a friends house ..and then i go spend the day with him doing a bunch of fun things and then spend the night in a hotel with him....i dont want to have sex with him and im sure that he doesn't want to have sex with me....we have learned from our mistake. Im just wondering if doing this would be wrong for us...i feel like this would be like our last goodbye....holding each other one more time before we leave each others lives forever or just for a short while until we get our lives together. So i just need some answers and advice really ....

  2. #2
    Platinum Member gebaird's Avatar
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    The "last goodbye" sounds romantic, until reality hits the next day. It's kinda like binge eating the day before you start your diet: if the direction you need to take involves letting go, deeper connection isn't gonna do you any favors.

    It sounds like there are enough issues in this relationship that it's going to be really hard to turn it around. CF is a future problem (I have a friend with this disease, and it's definitely not pretty), but the "wanting to be single" is, I think, the biggest issue you are facing. Your love for him is blinding you a little to the awful reality of your situation, and your compassion and pity are causing you to forgive some pretty unforgivable things. He simply doesn't want to be tied down, and if you remain attached to him he may use you as his crutch, his FWB, or his part-time girlfriend when he's in between flings.

    Don't engage in bonding rituals with him outside the context of a relationship. Either he's in or he's out. Staying in limbo will rip you apart.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this is happening. He has a lot going on. he's 18 so wanting to "enjoy life and be free" is normal at this age. Another thing is he feels pressure to enjoy life while he still can. Also he seems sincere about not wanting to hurt you or offer a future he's not sure of.

    Yes, ask your parents, but be honest and say "a bunch of us are going to the beach for the day, can I go. There won't be any drinking, etc." but do not do the hotel thing.
    Originally Posted by matilda6812
    He is going through a lot these past few months with his disease that he was born with (cystic fibrosis) ...he doesn't want me to see him die slowly as he gets older. we are only 18 and that there are so many things for us to do with our life while we are still young


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