Just wanting some advice about my ex-bf

Hi, I am just looking for some advice or even just wanting a place where I can vent my thoughts.

My ex-bf broke up with me 4 days ago. I'm quite broken hearted.

Our relationship started off so amazingly and we both fell in love (was the first time for me). But I think along the way he might have fallen out of love I am unsure, but in turn I think I did also. However we both stayed together. I did because I still loved him and we both wanted us to work. He grew quite distant quickly (within 3 months into our relationship). All of a sudden he was putting himself first and put our relationship on a schedule. I was only able to see him Thursday evenings for 2 hours and on a Saturday for 8 hours. He wanted to focus more on himself and his goals. I was very supportive of his goals but of course I struggled with becoming second place. Now I know I should have reevaluated our relationship and probably should have left him at that point, but I loved him.

We began to fight more and sorted things out and then we would fight again. Mostly over small things and sometimes big things. He seemed to not really care anymore whether his actions or 'non-actions' hurt me. Basically he stopped trying but he still kept telling me he loved me and we or should I say I, tried really hard to get back to how we once were. Sometimes it felt like he was listening when I would say that I'm feeling sad or side-lined. He said he didn't know how to make me happy but wanted to know. I told him he needed to invest time in us, he said he would do this but he didn't.

Then 4 days ago he told me we needed to talk. He turned up to my house and then thus started his break up speech. He said he wasn't happy and that he can't make me happy and he can't live up to the promises he'd made to me and that sometimes when you love someone you have to let them go. He said he didn't want any more stress or anxiety in his life. He said I shouldn't have to put up with his moodiness or when he gets angry. He said he would never forget me and if I ever needed to talk he would answer and that he wouldn't cut me out of his life (which he's done with previous ex's) and that I just need time and then he just left. He never said he no longer loved me (which I am glad about). I've have deleted all traces of him on my social media but we've remained friends on fb but I have pretty much blocked all updates. I unfollowed him on instagram but before I did that I checked his page one more time and he's been happily posting even a few hours after our break up. It hurts because it feels like he's moved on quickly which I know i need to do. He's very good at pretending like he's not hurt and just carries on with life. But I still have so many unanswered questions that I'm not sure what to do. It hurts that it feels like our break up meant nothing or our relationship meant nothing.

I know at the bottom of my heart that it was probably the right decision. But I am so filled with various emotions that I'm unable to see perfectly clear. What should I make of what he said to me during his break up speech? Do you think he feels any hurt in our break up?

 

My ex-bf broke up with me 4 days ago. I

 

Our relationship started off so amazingly and we both fell in love (was the first time for me).

 

But I think along the way he might have fallen out of love I am unsure, but in turn I think I did also. However we both stayed together. I did because I still loved him and we both wanted us to work. He grew quite distant quickly (within 3 months into our relationship).

 

All of a sudden he was putting himself first and put our relationship on a schedule. I was only able to see him Thursday evenings for 2 hours and on a Saturday for 8 hours. He wanted to focus more on himself and his goals. I was very supportive of his goals but of course I struggled with becoming second place. Now I know I should have reevaluated our relationship and probably should have left him at that point, but I loved him.

 

I know at the bottom of my heart that it was probably the right decision. But I am so filled with various emotions that I'm unable to see perfectly clear. What should I make of what he said to me during his break up speech? Do you think he feels any hurt in our break up?

 

 

 

This sounds like a whirlwind romance. Plus, at 4 days the break up is too fresh for you to process. Your mind knows that he fell out of love and started detaching a while back but you need more time for your heart to catch up. He may or may not feel hurt. It sounds like he is not at all in touch with his feelings, hence his behaviour. Plus, he started detaching way ahead of you and what you are seeing is the end result of a longer process. With regards to his speech imo you need to take it at face value; he can't make you happy and he can't live up to the promises he'd made to you. His actions match these words. As for whether he feels any hurt in your break up, in the grand scheme of things it really doesn't matter. The end result remains the same.

Sorry to hear this happened. How log were you dating? How old is he? Agree you should have left when you noticed he was not invested in the relationship. No go no contact and delete and block him from all social media including fb.

What do you mean by this: "I think along the way he might have fallen out of love I am unsure, but in turn I think I did also"?

It sounds like you were both checked out and just coating and limping along for fear of breaking up. It sounds like you dodged a bullet.

My ex-bf broke up with me 4 days ago. He grew quite distant quickly within 3 months into our relationship. All of a sudden he was putting himself first and put our relationship on a schedule. I was only able to see him Thursday evenings for 2 hours and on a Saturday for 8 hours.He turned up to my house and then thus started his break up speech. He said he didn't want any more stress or anxiety in his life.

When things start to go pear shaped after only 3 months of dating, you can be certain that what you felt for each other was not love but infatuation only.

So, you have yet to fall in love for the first time.

The honeymoon period ended and there was no real love between you to get beyond that.

It happens, especially when there isn't enough common ground between two people, they have different goals, many reasons.

You haven't lost love. You are yet to find it.

Good luck!