he is not talking to me..

hello everyone,

i want to share my problem and want some advice from you guys, as i am in so much stress right now. My boyfriend is much older than me and He is married and despite the fact he is married, i love him so much, in our religion, a man is allowed to have four wives at the same time, so i have no problem with his marriage. and he promised me that we will get marry next year.

there's a lot of ups and downs in our relationship. but we end up together and face all. but now he is getting changed, we have been together since 5 years now. it was all fine and good between us, but suddenly he disappeared, and in those 5 years such thing never happen, he know very well that i can't spent a single day without talking to him. we both were so much in love, but recently, his behaviour was changed, he use to fight with me on small things, even he got mood swings, he use to abuse me when he was angry, and say bad things about me and my family. but after when cool down, he always said sorry. and the other thing i notice was, whenever i get paid, he find a reason to meet me and than he make me pay for his diesel. he is a wealthy man himself and i know he doesn't need my money and i never wanted anything from him ever as well. so i always saw his good side. so whenever we go out, i am the one, who always pay for the things. and i don't mind it.as i thought relationship is more important than money.

he is my first love, and i am very much emotionally involve with him. after the loss of my parent, he is my everything. recently he got sick, and yeah he blames me for every bad thing happen. he got sick and Doc told him to get tested for HIV, and i couldn't forget his words, he said if the test result show anything,we can't meet anymore. we can just talk on phone than. so i get tested too, my result was clear. but I don't know about him, because before his result came, i lost contact with him.

he never did that before, once he got angry with me, that time he stopped talking to me for one week but than everything get back to normal. from past five years, i love him every single minute of each day. and he know it very well.i am addictive to him.

i have done suicide twice, i know i was wrong, because he didn't even came to see me when i was ill in hospital. anyways it's been 6 days now, he is not picking up my calls and not even replying. i wonder if he is okay or not, i am in so much pain that i have been crying whole day and spend all time in my room. i become so weak, as i am emotionally attached to him. and now he is not with me. God knows where is he and why he is doing this to me. i find no reason. i called him million times and send texts, but got no reply. before whenever he got busy or was not feeling well, he texts me and tell me all. this time i have no idea, what happened !i have thousand questions in my mind but no answer. three days ago, his phone was on call waiting, i am afraid, may be he is ignoring me or anything, but after that its like he is not even looking at his phone anymore. i don't know what to do and what to think anymore.

all i know is i can't live without him and he is my everything, i am dying inside, and feeling suicidal. don't know what he's up to! does anyone have any advice, any answer!

thank you.

Are you allowed to have extramarital sex in your religion? Isn't 5 yrs a long time to wait?

Why can't you find a decent man who doesn't use and abuse you? Call his wife and see if he's ok.

in our religion, a man is allowed to have four wives at the same time, so i have no problem with his marriage. he promised me that we will get marry next year.

he use to abuse me when he was angry, and say bad things about me and my family.

whenever i get paid, he find a reason to meet me and than he make me pay for his diesel. whenever we go out, i am the one, who always pay for the things.

he got sick and Doc told him to get tested for HIV

i called him million times and send texts, but got no reply.

No we are not allowed to have extra marital relationship, i know its been a long time, but he always delay and say next year we will get marry soon. i can't call at his home, i am not allowed to. i don't know what to do.

So you're a mistress. If it's ok to have 4 wives then why do you have to be a secret? And where would he get HIV if he's only been with you and his wife? Did you have sex for the first time less than 3 months ago? Because it can take a few months for HIV to show up.

Regardless he sounds like a dishonest and abusive man. Why would you want to be with someone like that? You need to work on loving and relying on yourself not someone else.

You deserve better. You can't see it yet but he's doing you a favor by ignoring you.

all i know is i can't live without him.

You most certainly CAN live without him. You lived your life before you knew this guy existed.

OP, you really really need to re-read your entire post, really absorb your words. This guy is the ultimate jerk, cheater, and abuser. There is nothing good about him or the way he has treated you over all this time. He uses and abuses you ..... and you think this is a "good" man? Seriously? I had to read your post several times and each time it leaves me gobsmacked that you would even want to be with this guy. It leaves one speechless.

For your own health and sanity, leave this jerk and move on with your life. You can do so so much better with your life.

So you're a mistress. If it's ok to have 4 wives then why do you have to be a secret? And where would he get HIV if he's only been with you and his wife? Did you have sex for the first time less than 3 months ago? Because it can take a few months for HIV to show up.

 

Regardless he sounds like a dishonest and abusive man. Why would you want to be with someone like that? You need to work on loving and relying on yourself not someone else.

 

You deserve better. You can't see it yet but he's doing you a favor by ignoring you.

thanks for replying, i request you please don't judge me. i am not mistress at all. i was 18 when i met him, and he is the only man i have ever been with. i really don't know the knowledge of all those things and religion, so yeah whatever he said, i believed. we had sex 9 months ago, but he recently got sick. what i personally thought is not HIV because i am clear, but Doc said so , to get tested. i know he was sometimes abusive and all but i get emotionally attached to him. i have lost so many things and people, i have no courage to lose another one.

You most certainly CAN live without him. You lived your life before you knew this guy existed.

 

OP, you really really need to re-read your entire post, really absorb your words. This guy is the ultimate jerk, cheater, and abuser. There is nothing good about him or the way he has treated you over all this time. He uses and abuses you ..... and you think this is a "good" man? Seriously? I had to read your post several times and each time it leaves me gobsmacked that you would even want to be with this guy. It leaves one speechless.

 

For your own health and sanity, leave this jerk and move on with your life. You can do so so much better with your life.

i know sometimes he was abusive, but the matter of fact is, i don't know how to live without him, i have never went outside for outing by my own, he make me feel that its a bad world out there. i know he use me, but this all going on for years that i dont even know the difference in anything, sometimes he said bad words to me and said its over, and i become so weak mentally, that after all those bad words, i still want him to stay. may be i have been manipulated for too long that i have lost my self in all this. i took professional help, but nothings work. i think i am losing my life. i have lost all my friends because he said choose me or them. i have lose my family. i have nobody.

i know sometimes he was abusive, but the matter of fact is, i don't know how to live without him, i have never went outside for outing by my own, he make me feel that its a bad world out there. i know he use me, but this all going on for years that i dont even know the difference in anything, sometimes he said bad words to me and said its over, and i become so weak mentally, that after all those bad words, i still want him to stay. may be i have been manipulated for too long that i have lost my self in all this. i took professional help, but nothings work. i think i am losing my life. i have lost all my friends because he said choose me or them. i have lose my family. i have nobody.

I can only strongly recommend you seek professional counseling/therapy. If one doesn't work, then please, find another. This man is destroying you. You NEED professional help. I think that is your only answer to finding a better future for yourself. This is far beyond what anyone here can help you with.

You need some serious therapy to find out why you put up with this guy. You can indeed live without him and you need to do that and find a good and decent person who will treat you properly. He is not that guy.

Reach out to the friends you lost because of him. I'm sure they will understand and want to help you. Him forcing you to give up your friends is part of his abuse. He wants you to feel you have no one so you can't leave him.

Please try to reconnect with your friends. It will help you move on and get your life back.

I remember being 18 and thinking I could never live without my first boyfriend who broke up with me. But I survived and you will too. I really hope for your sake he does not contact you again.