Forever chasing?

Hi guys, hope you're all ok? So my love life has been a bit of as mess recently. There was the anxious guy who says he thinks he's not ready for a relationship but still wants to get to know me (it's become clear now that he is dealing with depression and he's told me I'm the first person to be in his bed in over a year, which explains a lot).

Well I stopped pursuing him then started chatting to his work colleague and ended up kissing him recently. He didn't contact me after and I decided I had nothing to loose so asked the anxious guy if the work colleague was a player. He and then several others informed me he is a huge player and was trying it with other girls the same day as kissing me and having me sleep in his bed etc.

I felt a bit hurt by this so stopped contact with the colleague then thought I'd ask the anxious guy more truth questions. Which is when I found out I was the only girl in his bed for so long.

I then ended up seeing the anxious guy at an event and one thing led to another and I stayed at his again. We kissed, hugged and did a bit of stuff but still no sex (dudes got herpes, and I don't want to rush these things). Now we may see each other this week when he comes to my town but he's saying he's not sure he will stay could he's feeling anxious, but would like to meet for milkshakes.

I know I should just stop flogging this dead horse but I do like him. I feel like maybe I'm just doing this because of some deep seated desire to win over people who aren't interested or something. But I don't know how to stop having these feelings. I don't even know if I know what a heathy relationship is? Maybe I'll just always be this way. Chasing men who tease me because of their own problems.

"I know I should just stop flogging this dead horse but I do like him. I feel like maybe I'm just doing this because of some deep seated desire to win over people who aren't interested or somethin"

Talk about unhealthy and self sabotage!!!! Get some counseling for your self destructive nature.

Good call. Go slow and date first. Milkshakes sound a hell of a lot better than herpes.

I then ended up seeing the anxious guy at an event and one thing led to another and I stayed at his again. We kissed, hugged and did a bit of stuff but still no sex dudes got herpes, and I don't want to rush these things. Now we may see each other this week when he comes to my town but he's saying he's not sure he will stay could he's feeling anxious, but would like to meet for milkshakes.

Milkshakes?

I love how you guys have latched into milkshakes haha. I dunno, I guess it's his way of saying "something other than drinking or staying over". So that's good. But yeah I just think it's not right my being interested in someone who's clearly not as interested. I dunno, maybe I should just see how it goes. And also-don't want herpes!

No oral or other sex. Herpes is forever, lust isn't.

And also-don't want herpes!

No oral or other sex. Herpes is forever, lust isn't.

Just don't go there. Find another man!

Why would you chance herpes. That's not very smart!

Well I haven't done anything with him that would give me the herpes, so I have been avoiding it. But I don't wanna write the guy off cause he's got it that seems mean.

No. It's not.

How old are you?

Everything about this post made me LOL

Herpes to the milkshake to flogging dead horse's

I love how you guys have latched into milkshakes haha. I dunno, I guess it's his way of saying "something other than drinking or staying over".

]

Hi guys, hope you're all ok? So my love life has been a bit of as mess recently. There was the anxious guy who says he thinks he's not ready for a relationship but still wants to get to know me (it's become clear now that he is dealing with depression and he's told me I'm the first person to be in his bed in over a year, which explains a lot).

 

Well I stopped pursuing him then started chatting to his work colleague and ended up kissing him recently. He didn't contact me after and I decided I had nothing to loose so asked the anxious guy if the work colleague was a player. He and then several others informed me he is a huge player and was trying it with other girls the same day as kissing me and having me sleep in his bed etc.

 

I felt a bit hurt by this so stopped contact with the colleague then thought I'd ask the anxious guy more truth questions. Which is when I found out I was the only girl in his bed for so long.

 

I then ended up seeing the anxious guy at an event and one thing led to another and I stayed at his again. We kissed, hugged and did a bit of stuff but still no sex (dudes got herpes, and I don't want to rush these things). Now we may see each other this week when he comes to my town but he's saying he's not sure he will stay could he's feeling anxious, but would like to meet for milkshakes.

 

I know I should just stop flogging this dead horse but I do like him. I feel like maybe I'm just doing this because of some deep seated desire to win over people who aren't interested or something. But I don't know how to stop having these feelings. I don't even know if I know what a heathy relationship is? Maybe I'll just always be this way. Chasing men who tease me because of their own problems.

I really believe its an ego thing, I have felt the same way w/guys that aren't emotionally available. If you continue w/this guy, you will always be chasing and eventually he will prob leave you because he isn't ready or ____________ (insert lame break up excuse). I have been there and its not healthy, you trip over your own feet trying to win a guy who doesn't want you. Not saying its easy, but better in the long run to leave these types of guys (people in general) alone.

It's not mean to protect yourself, and I hope you will.

Good luck whatever you decide.

We're both comedians so maybe that's why it's funny. I and others certainly find a lot of amusement in my poor choices in men.

I mean it's early days but yeah it may be best to just leave him be. I don't feel like he's using me though cause we don't really do anything sexual. He's pretty embarassed about the herpes (and I'm not 100% on board with it either). He's like a sadistic teenager, there's all the desire but none of the know how or confidence. I quite like that about him. I reckon what usually happens with him is he weirds girls out and they go. Sadly I like the weirdness. What I don't want is the herpes though...and if he's just gonna toss me to the curb after it seems a pointless riskyou know? I think this will either be a no go or an incredibly slow burner.

We'all see how milkshake goes.

Well I haven't done anything with him that would give me the herpes, so I have been avoiding it. But I don't wanna write the guy off cause he's got it that seems mean.

You don't need to drop him because of the herpes, you can drop him because he's not relationship material and he's wasting your time.

We're both comedians so maybe that's why it's funny. I and others certainly find a lot of amusement in my poor choices in men.

 

I mean it's early days but yeah it may be best to just leave him be. I don't feel like he's using me though cause we don't really do anything sexual. He's pretty embarassed about the herpes (and I'm not 100% on board with it either). He's like a sadistic teenager, there's all the desire but none of the know how or confidence. I quite like that about him. I reckon what usually happens with him is he weirds girls out and they go. Sadly I like the weirdness. What I don't want is the herpes though...and if he's just gonna toss me to the curb after it seems a pointless riskyou know? I think this will either be a no go or an incredibly slow burner.

 

We'all see how milkshake goes.

How in the world is he using you if you consent to go to his place and hook up? I think you need to remind yourself as often as needed that you don't need to act on feelings in a particular way. Sure if might be challenging to chase the unavailable guy -might be tempting - but you get to choose how to react to temptation when the choice might harm you in some way.

Yeah I don't think I have a lot of restraint since my break up 5 months ago. It's just been one guy after the other. A sort of addictive distraction.

It has slowed down now somewhat but that's most likely because I'm hooked on this unavailable guy and I have health problems which are making me less spontaneous.

I tried to get my head over this guy and even kissed his work colleague, which felt like I'd moved on... but then when I found out he was a waste of time from the original guy, who also told me he himself wasn't sleeping around...he suddenly didn't seem like the jerk I had thought he was, so went back there.

Either way...the guys got so many issues. I need to sort of own life out really. Maybe when he's sorted his out and me mine then we can see where we are, but it's not a good time.

Genital Herpes shouldn't be the main reason not to continue...that can be treated.

If he's depressed he needs to get help. If he says he isn't ready for a relationship believe him because things might get complicated.

Also I suggest not complicating things more than you need to with his coworker. You'll come off as not serious and not relationship material...

You refer to him as "anxious guy". His key features you mention in this thread are anxiety, unavailable, HERPES, and weird. This guy has to go. Learn to be single for a while, your picker is all wonky at the moment.

It's ok to just be friends with the guy, no? You don't have to have sex with every guy you meet, right?

Enjoy the milkshakes!

We'all see how milkshake goes.

]

Ugh we both ended up stuck in his town (I work there) because trains were all cancelled. So I stayed at his. Nothing happened, just a bit of heavy petting. He confuses the hell out of me still though. I think he's got too many issues or is creating an image of having too many issues for whatever reason. He did put his hands round my throats again though. He will do this over kissing or anything, just trying to strangle me in bed with nothing else. I think I'm done. I've reached my threshold of feeling bad from this.

At first just plain weird and kinky may seem exotic and complex. Don't play erotic asphyxia with random weirdos.

I think he's got too many issues or is creating an image of having too many issues for whatever reason. He did put his hands round my throats again though. He will do this over kissing or anything, just trying to strangle me in bed with nothing else.

Thank you for updating us. I really hope you are not taking the strangling lightly. /concerned

Hi, well he started doing the strangling thing quite early on but never very hard. He did ask if he could put a pillow over my face once too and I said no. I just presumed it was his thing, like how people are a bit bity. Maybe I am underestimating how strange it is.

I just thought because of his pretty strict Christian upbringing, where he didn't loose his virginity til he was 26, because of believing sex before marriage was evil, he would just do things a bit different cause of guilt or whatever.

I've had such a rough night now though, just taken my mum into hospital in an ambulance. She'll be ok, but it's not the ideal experience to have. So worried about her now and just wishing this guy wasn't so terrible. Wish I could tell him about it instead of thinking He's just one huge head fu**