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Thread: How come I can't magnify the good?

  1. #11
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    Great movie!!! Wiseman. Don't sweat the small stuff my ex. She used to scratch my lower calf and feet with her toe nail. It made me crazy. Cause I couldn't sleep. I also noticed my athlete's foot problem has finally went away since our breakup. I never had the problem before her. Hmm guess it's a perk. Win for me

  2. #12
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    Naomi...I think you crave both companionship AND complete independence.

    The trick is finding a balance between wanting a relationship and wanting things done YOUR way. Because if you want a love relationship you can't always have your own way.

    I do find it interesting, however, that you were willing to be super accommodating to the doctor and seemed to be willing to bend yourself and set aside your own needs to please him. Why was that? And are you afraid of giving up that much control again?
    Perfect response.
    I will just add that I am capable of doing the same.
    I think accumulative losses has made me appreciate what I have and I recognize that there will always
    be `something'.
    I will take annoying tooth brushing any day over some one who doesn't have integrity, lies and cheats.
    I've just learned to pick my battles.

    My job also teaches me things that I apply to my personal life.

    I work in operations. . aka `the complaint dept'
    For the most part I don't deal with the staff unless they are upset about something.
    In a workshop, my takeaway was that I do get positive feedback, thank you's and pleasant responses all day, but ONE THING I will dwell on enough so it will ruin my day is the one negative. I can overlook the 30 positive experiences and make myself sick over the one.
    So. . basically, it comes down to choice. It's not a magic spell, but more one of discipline and choice.

    Also. . I can walk around work with a chip on my shoulder thinking everyone was put here just to annoy me.
    But if I make the conscious effort to be engaging and kind, I get it back ten fold.
    I can choose turn things around and make life easier for myself.

    I can't wait for others to do it or I will die waiting.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member Naomi99's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun

    I do find it interesting, however, that you were willing to be super accommodating to the doctor and seemed to be willing to bend yourself and set aside your own needs to please him. Why was that? And are you afraid of giving up that much control again?
    Two reasons:

    1. The doctor kept himself at an arm's distance from me, so I wasn't really familiar with him, I didn't hold him in contempt; thus the saying familiarity breeds contempt - Wiseman2. Also I think I was fighting to win him over.

    2. I will never give anyone, man or woman, as much as I gave the doctor unless it's given to me first. I learned my lesson.


    I dated the doctor for a year and we never had one argument and he treated me so coldly.

    I dated tripguy for three months and we had three arguments and he treated me pretty well in the areas that mattered.


    I'm doomed…… Ugh. Think I'll go shopping to ease my pain with short-lived dissipating happiness.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    There's a psychological theory that suggests that the very thing you do not like about someone is a weakness that you have within yourself.
    I'd try to explain it more but I probably couldn't articulate it in writing right now.
    I get the theory and when I catch myself bugged about someone, I look in the mirror to see if I can catch it.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member Naomi99's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by reinventmyself
    There's a psychological theory that suggests that the very thing you do not like about someone is a weakness that you have within yourself.
    I'd try to explain it more but I probably couldn't articulate it in writing right now.
    I get the theory and when I catch myself bugged about someone, I look in the mirror to see if I can catch it.
    But this only happens with romantic partners. Not family or friends.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Naomi99
    But this only happens with romantic partners. Not family or friends.
    Anyone. . . .

  8. #17
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    So the trick for you is to keep you at arm's length and never get too familiar?

    I mean, that could work but it definitely negates the possibility of living together or marriage. Or even staying over frequently.

    I haven't dated in a zillion years, but I HAVE concluded that when I meet someone it has to be a man who is OK with only seeing each other maybe once a week and maybe only one overnight a week. Because if he stays at my place I will need to spend the entire next day getting my place back to the way I want it. Heck, even when my beloved children, who are my heart and soul, visit me I spend the entire day cleaning and straightening and putting things away after they leave and they were raised by me so they don't even make much mess!

    How much companionship do you want/need/crave?

  10. #19
    Platinum Member Naomi99's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    So the trick for you is to keep you at arm's length and never get too familiar?

    I mean, that could work but it definitely negates the possibility of living together or marriage. Or even staying over frequently.

    I haven't dated in a zillion years, but I HAVE concluded that when I meet someone it has to be a man who is OK with only seeing each other maybe once a week and maybe only one overnight a week. Because if he stays at my place I will need to spend the entire next day getting my place back to the way I want it. Heck, even when my beloved children, who are my heart and soul, visit me I spend the entire day cleaning and straightening and putting things away after they leave and they were raised by me so they don't even make much mess!

    How much companionship do you want/need/crave?
    Oh, also the doctor was way older too. Like nearly 17 or 20 years older than I. I forgot. I just couldn't argue with him. Tripguy is only a few years older so I could argue without feeling bad.

    Um, how much companionship do I want? Well, with the right person, every day!

    But I agree with you. Like you, very particular about how I want my things too. For instance I'm okay eating ice cream in my bed because that's just a spoon and a little bowl. But Tripguy wanted to eat tacos (no get your mind out of the gutter) in bed and watch TV one rainy day. When I said no, he said well, you let us eat ice cream in here. I said, "TACOS ARE A BIG MESS, YOU DUMMY! You eat them with your hands and things are falling all over the place, and you're not the one who has to do laundry. NO."

    I just don't get why he had to challenge me all the time.

    When things like that happen, I'd rather be alone.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member Naomi99's Avatar
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    [QUOTE=reinventmyself;6757400]
    I'm leaving to go shopping…so depressed.
    Will read in a few hours and give my take. Thanks!!!

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