Overly sensitive boyfriend

I am having serious problems with my overly sensitive boyfriend. I love him but Im at the point I am not in love but I really want to be and I want to be happy. Our problem is he is soo sensitive even things that have nothing to do with him he takes personal. Im literally losing my mind! How do I deal with this? How can I shake him of his insecurities and sensitivity? He finds things to complain about things that do not even make sense...

The thing is otherwise he os wonderful. He is a great dad to his boys, genuinely love me like no other man, wants to provide for me and make me happy... he is just soo exhaustingly hard to deal with because you cannot even have a normal conversation with him because I flipped my hair and looked away for a second...he automatically takes it as "you are not paying attention to me you looked away for half a second..forget it I will not tell the story" ahhhhhhh so many examples I can give you if his absolute insanity.. I really believe it's driving me torally insane. Ive suggestes counseling but he refuses... I really want us to work and learn to fall in love again...HELP!

Has he always been like this? If so, then there's really nothing you can do. He sounds really irritating and exhausting to deal with. I would not be able to be with someone like that.

How can I shake him of his insecurities and sensitivity?

You can't change him, only encourage him to make changes.

You say he is a great dad to his boys. Are they from his previous relationship? How did that relationship end?

Download a sound effects app that has a crying baby on it and play it whenever he acts like one.

Can you please elaborate on how he acts out/over sensitively?

He sounds rather self-absorbed. Are you only sticking around because wants to provide for me and make me happy"? Because it sounds like his whining and narcissistic behaviors are maddening and not making you happy.

How long have you been dating? When did you fall out of love?

I love him but Im at the point I am not in love. He finds things to complain about things that do not even make sense..... he is just soo exhaustingly hard to deal with

What do you get out of this? His behavior sounds manipulative and frustrating. Why would you chose this guy, he sounds strange.

It seems that you have not been with him long, as you broke up with the other bf in July.

He is insecure.

I think you just need to make a decision on whether you want to continue knowing he might always be sensitive and you'll always have to walk on eggshells, or if you'd rather be single and try to meet someone else. It is totally up to you. But I wouldn't count on him changing. You can try. You can talk to him, tell him his insecurities are damaging your relationship and you're on the brink of walking away because it's too overwhelming for you. But you need to make it very clear to him that his constant worrying is in your mind him worrying over nothing.

Maybe he'll make an effort to stop.

It's very unlikely he'll stop; some people are just like this. Part of this is about control, and keeping you permanently off-balance and feeling you're in the wrong.

This is not going to work. It would be interesting to hear what happened with his previous relationship, too...

I guess that maybe you two do not match if you are not satisfied with a guy who is overly sensitive. There are girls who looks for this in a man and then there are girls like you who do not think this is an attractive trait for a man to have!

He's turned into a woman.

I guess that maybe you two do not match if you are not satisfied with a guy who is overly sensitive. There are girls who looks for this in a man and then there are girls like you who do not think this is an attractive trait for a man to have!

What the OP's talking about is a guy who takes offence when none is meant, over-reacts to anything he perceives as a slight (like her shaking her hair out of her face), takes personally things which are nothing to do with him...and punishes her for it. Far from being an attractive trait, this is a form of emotional abuse. The fact that such people then glorify their 'sensitivity' as something desirable is just rubbing salt in the wound.

Sensitivity which implies awareness of, say, beauty, poetry, the natural world and being attuned to your partner is nothing to do with the over-sensitivity which causes those around to walk on eggshells.

Sensitivity which implies awareness of, say, beauty, poetry, the natural world and being attuned to your partner is nothing to do with the over-sensitivity which causes those around to walk on eggshells.

Very glad this was said. To relate the point to a general theme on these forums, one of my biggest pet peeves when people conflate their selfish need to unload on their partner with "being sensitive."

Hmmm, jmo as always but I think such people *are* sensitive .... sensitive to their *own* needs and desires, it's a self-centeredness. They take *everything* personally, and don't give a rat's rear end how their actions, words or anything else affects others, it's all about them and what they need.

Sounds like OP's bf falls into this category.

Sensitivity can also mean being sensitive to *others'* needs and desires, in some cases more than their own.

Then there are those who are sensitive to the world, they feel things deeply and are especially attuned to the arts .... music, poetry. books, movies, the theatre, these things can be very personal to such persons and can affect them on a deeper level than they would affect those less sensitive.

Ideally, a healthy balance of all three is best, but often difficult to navigate successfully.

why would he provide for you? is this part of your reason for staying?

Hi,

I have a friend like him. She sounds exactly the same and she has a long history of guys leaving her because of her insecurities. This man needs to first be made aware of how badly these issues are affecting you and your relationship with him. Sit him down and tell him straight up. Make him understand that if nothing changes the only option you will have left is to leave him. But explain that if he wants to keep you there is a way forward, and that is to seek professional help / therapy for his issues. It will take more than a couple of casual counselling sessions. It will require a lot of work and real commitment from him to change these ingrained behaviours. That is his commitment to you. If he isn't willing to do that then you need to move on because staying with him will only make you angry, resentful and irritated.

Best of luck!

I'm an overly sensitive girlfriend I make my boyfriend reassure me all the time , it's tiring and annoying for him lol, so I this coming from the other side of things iunno maybe he just needs

Some more reassurance

I'm an overly sensitive girlfriend I make my boyfriend reassure me all the time , it's tiring and annoying for him lol, so I this coming from the other side of things iunno maybe he just needs

Some more reassurance

With respect af, why should your boyfriend cater to your insecurities and anxiety (by constantly reassuring) ...... rather than YOU seeking help to overcome your insecurities?

Constantly having to reassure gets really old, and in most cases doesn't help anyway, as the person constantly seeking has a bottomless pit of fears and anxieties that no amount of reassurance or love or anything else can fill.

The more they give, the more you want. It becomes a never-ending emotionally exhausting cycle as evidenced by what the OP has expressed in her original post. She sounds completely drained.

That isn't fair and you or any man/woman will eventually drive your partner away unless the insecure person seeks help determining why it is they are so insecure/anxious and resolving it.

I'm an overly sensitive girlfriend I make my boyfriend reassure me all the time , it's tiring and annoying for him lol, so I this coming from the other side of things iunno maybe he just needs

Some more reassurance

no....

did you read what you just wrote?

OMG i actually thought i was the only one going through this!!!

i would reply back to my boyfirend "k, or ummm" and he would make an argument that im mad at him because im short texting him!! i feel your pain... have you tried letting him know that just because you've turned the other way that doesnt mean you arent paying attention?

i mean i explained to my guy all the time but he doesnt listen because the next day if i say "k" he would still blow everything out of context!!

if you want to keep this relationship, just try to avoid doing those type of things that annoys him, but who am i to tell you that when i go the off every other day because of his insecurities! when you try to cover up that smile so long, you break down inside, you either let him know to cut that out or let him continue to push you away! people can be so nice sweet and loving but that one thing can mess them up

if you want to keep this relationship, just try to avoid doing those type of things that annoys him, but who am i to tell you that when i go the off every other day because of his insecurities! when you try to cover up that smile so long, you break down inside, you either let him know to cut that out or let him continue to push you away! people can be so nice sweet and loving but that one thing can mess them up

Don't try to keep this relationship; and be clear that the way someone behaves is a statement of who they ARE, that something from outside has 'messed them up'. Trying to humour this kind of person, and avoid doing things that 'annoy' them will keep you walking on eggshells and - as you have already seen - you start to break down inside. It's a classic form of emotional abuse and it's important that you realise this. The fact that these people try to dress it up as 'sensitivity' is just the icing on the cake.

I had a relationship like this... for a few weeks. I stayed just long enough to ensure that this behaviour would be ongoing, rather than him being temporarily crotchety because of work stress, realised I could face a permanent diet of this... and walked.

But I just can't date a dude with a vag.

And no, I don't want to see your Man-gina.

Perfect song about your boyfriend:

[video=youtube_share;_lOLLs9QxRY] ]

It's a classic form of emotional abuse and it's important that you realise this. The fact that these people try to dress it up as 'sensitivity' is just the icing on the cake.

 

This has me insecure now...

I was sensitive, my ex was emotionally unavailable, so we weren't a good combo... but my inexperience let my sensitivity take over sometimes. Was I abusive then?

Im literally losing my mind! How do I deal with this?. .. I really believe it's driving me torally insane.

Are you seeing a therapist? Your mental health is important. That should be your priority. You may have to let him go for now, let him deal with his issues, and you work on you and get the help you need.

This has me insecure now...

 

I was sensitive, my ex was emotionally unavailable, so we weren't a good combo... but my inexperience let my sensitivity take over sometimes. Was I abusive then?

Not necessarily, though insecure people can be very controlling. What the OP is describing is someone who'll get very angry and upset about the slightest - apparent - oversight on her part. Her guy is sensitive to his own needs, and nobody else's.