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Deciding to break up with the perfect guy


Ally98

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I've been dating my boyfriend for 4 years, we met when I was 20 and he was 26 We are now 24 and 30 respectively.

 

Currently, I'm on a solo trip in Asia for 2 weeks and I've met so many people and I don't know if I'm romanticizing my trip but it feels like my view of the world really expanded. Before I left on this trip, our relationship was perfect in a way where we were compatible and had similar values and views. Everyone says that this is hard to find and I shouldn't let this go. I figured we would live the typical life where we get married, have kids and go on vacations together.

 

I don't know how me going on this trip changed my mind, but right now I feel like wanting to travel around the world and dating other people. Im thinking of going for a year to teach. I'm across the world but I've let my boyfriend know about my feelings and he's agreed to coming to travel with me but I can't imagine going with him. I've told him we will discuss this seriously when I come back. Is this a case of the travel bug and having the grass is greener syndrome?

 

My question is how do you know you're making the right decision that you're not letting go of a soulmate? All my boyfriend talks about is how he will try to change and I feel like the most selfish person in the world wanting to leave someone that I was so compatible with a few weeks ago. He is the kindest and most sweetest guy I know but I know once I leave we will never get back together. My biggest fear is that I'll be so decisive before coming back and when we actually meet I will waver and not know what I really want.

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I feel like we may have slightly similar situations. I just had a girl break up with me after (what I thought) were the best 9 months of my life. I thought everything was going great, we loved each other and I was starting to think this was going to be for the long term. But I guess she started to feel differently recently, and just broke it off one night all of a sudden. I tried convincing her to rethink the decision, to give me another chance, etc. She wouldn't change her mind. It's only been two weeks and the only thing keeping me going is the (perhaps stupid) thought that she'll give me another chance sometime down the line.

 

My advice probably isn't worth much, I'm not an expert by any means. It sounds like you've been pretty happy with him so far. I think it all depends on your values. Do you value personal exploration and experiences over love/romantic relationships? Can you picture being happy and in love with this guy for the rest of your life? Or, at it's simplest, are you happy and in love?

 

I also think it'd be incredibly confusing and painful for him too, that everything could come to an end even though it was going so well. I personally am very anxious about future relationships because of what happened to me.

 

If you're truly happy and in love, I say stay with him. Despite what a lot of people say, love and happiness aren't always guaranteed. But I also understand you value this trip a lot. Do you think some kind of good middle ground can be reached? Maybe just have him come visit you for a bit wherever you're staying? Something like that.

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Hmm. This is a tough one.

 

Here are my thoughts:

You seem like a great person, you want to travel and explore the world. Be on your own and figure things out yourself. That's everyone. You're also young and now is the time to do everything you can to ultimately be the person you're supposed to be!

 

You guys seem to have a good relationship too! He seems very loving and supportive!

 

Now, I completely understand why you're hesitant. It's hard. You're ultimately choosing between you and the person you love. In a way (don't take this the wrong way) but you are being selfish. But it's human, you have to think of yourself before anyone else. It's also scary, thinking there's so much more out there and so many other people you haven't even met yet. However, think of it this way, how will you feel when you do break up with him and suddenly one day down the line you realize you made a mistake? What will you do? Would you ask for him back? Would he even take you back? What if he doesn't want to? What if he found someone else?

 

Love is scary. You're sacrificing a lot and it really takes a toll on you and your individuality. But what if the person you're with now is the one? But you let them go? Now I can't make a decision for you, obviously no one can. But you really have to think long and hard about this. Is it worth taking the risk? I mean there could be a lot of endings for this... you can go, break up with him and move along in your own separate directions. He might never come back or vice versa. Or, one day, in the future, if you're meant to be, you guys can run into each other again. None of these are guaranteed though, no one knows what the future holds!

 

Here's my advice: talk to him about it. As in really talk about it. Lay it out on the table and look at your options and what things you may be missing out on if you separate. This is a 4 year relationship. 4 years of your time together. Could you possibly see each other getting married? Are you even really in love with him? Don't make rash and impulsive decisions because those are always full of regret. Remember, you don't realize how much someone means to you until they're gone. Agree on something together. A relationship does not consist of one person but two! A decision should be made between you two not from people on this forum or anyone else.

 

Good luck!

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