Are stomach pains normal following breakup?

Hey guys.. Thanks for taking the time to read this, it means a lot to me.

A couple of days ago my boyfriend of 3 years broke up with me. We're adults and I'm 25, he is 30. Everything seemed to be going along so well.. we weren't the type of couple to argue at all. But because he lost his dad and dog all around the same year, he become emotionally and spiritually broken. The year following the losses, he was becoming distant with me. Conversations went from fun and thorough to a few words every now and then. He focused on video games and going out to drink. When I asked to talk he responds with the same "I'm fine".

Out of the blue... He sends me this long text message saying how he needs to break up and the "love feeling isn't there but he still deeply cares for me".. He said he wants time to figure himself out and get back on track. He emphasised he needs a bit of time.

This was very shocking to me, and random. One day he goes from loving the next pushing me away saying he doesn't want to talk.

I feel physically sick. My stomach is in knots and I'm having trouble focussing. I'm head over heels in love with this man.. And I feel like he won't come back to me. Hes only coming to me for "sexy times"... But during the day he avoids me. I don't understand what's going on. I feel extreme sickness and my heart is racing way too quick.

Any advice? Anybody been through/going through something similar? Please

Following a very difficult break-up years ago, I lost my appetite and had a difficult time focusing at work. It consumed my thoughts. However, the more days that went by where we weren't in contact, the better I felt.

Please stop communicating with him so you can get yourself back on track. Don't let him come into your life and use you for sex. It's only going to make things more difficult for you. Cut off contact. Turn to your friends and family for support.

I'm so sorry you're in so much pain, I know how you feel.

I know it's hard, because I've done the exact same thing, but you can't just let him come to you for sex, even if you think you might be okay with it, it will only hurt you more if you have to cut it off for good later.

I did the same thing with one of my exes, any time he'd call, I was over there, basically letting him use me because I was in love.

I'll admit, when I started saying no, it hurt so badly because I loved him, and I thought any time with him would be better than none and maybe it would make him love me again, ugh, what a mistake.

After a few times of seeing him come to me and I could turn him down, I started feeling a lot better, empowered, you're not weak, and I've learned that if a guy knows you'll come running to him, every time he snaps his fingers, he'll never stop, he'll treat you however he wants because some guys get off on that powerful feeling and it isn't fair to you.

I'm so sorry again, I hope you have the strength to start saying no.

I'm sympathize with his losses, but coming to you only when he wants physical relief is not okay.

I know it's the last thing you want to hear but maybe he isn't worth it.

Maye1, I am in a very similar situation as you. My boyfriend and I were together almost 6 years and he told me he felt that he's not sure if he's in love with me anymore but still cares a lot about me and "loves" me, it's just that he doesn't know what that love means anymore. We're both 26. We had some other issues, like I had some problems with alcohol which I have very quickly got on top of, however a lot of people close to both of us fear that he may be depressed, which sounds like what might be an issue with your boyfriend.

Both our boyfriends must have been struggling with these feelings of "loosing love" for a while before they told us. It seems "random" and "sudden" to us, but it's not to them. Is it fair that they didn't share their feelings with us and give us a chance to try and repair things before it was too late? Of course it's not fair. I'm extremely angry at my ex for holding his feelings inside and struggling with this alone instead of communicating with me. I'm angry at him for proposing to me 4 months ago and "suddenly" changing his mind. I'm angry at him for turning my life upside down. I'm angry at him for still even now being so indecisive about what he wants. If I hear "I don't know" one more time to something I ask, I swear to god I'm going to kick him in the balls.

Whether our ex's come back to us or not... who knows? Mine wants time too. He wants to see how we go being apart, he wants to see how much he misses me, etc. etc. It all seems like way too much work. I want somebody who doesn't doubt his feelings for me. He isn't sure what he wants and he isn't sure how he feels... so I told him to go and find out but I can't stick around anymore. Maybe he will come back. Maybe he won't.

I've been going back and forth through this for nearly 8 weeks now (broke up for 2 weeks, sort of got back together-ish for 3 weeks, then broke up but continued living together for nearly 3 weeks until I moved out), so I'm in a bit of a different place to you. But in the beginning... stomach pains, nausea and anxiety? Oh hell yes. I still get bouts of it now, but it was so much worse in the beginning. I couldn't keep food down. I'd walk around the house and I'd be dry-retching for no reason at all, I just felt so off all the time.

I'm not the best at giving advice right now because I'm still in the thick of it. But at least you now know you're not alone

Hello and welcome to the forum.

If you are experiencing any severe or lasting pain, please consider contacting your doctor or clinic.

Your mental health (and by that, I mean in the most basic, general terms, such as how we feel, how our overall well-being rates) can have a tangible impact on your physical health (and the reverse, of course).

There's nothing wrong or silly or anything negative implied if this occurs - it's not remotely a matter of fault or intent, on the off chance you may be embarrassed to bring this to a medical professional. It happens to countless people for innumerable reasons and is entirely legitimate and deserving of compassionate, competent care.

Having said all that, OP, in no way am I suggesting that there is or will be something wrong or so wrong it requires emergency medical treatment. I think any risk is low and rare. Please don't hear this as an alarmist message.

But know that should you be worried, you will be fine to seek help, and should do so without hesitation. If it turns out to be nothing, well, good! - we *want* it to turn out to be nothing, should the situation arise.

Hope this helps. I'm sorry that you are in such a miserable situation and I hope you find brighter days ahead and soon.

I been down this road before; it is not uncommon for mental/emotional feelings to cause you physical pain. 2~ years ago I got strung along and played by a woman big time. Eventually I started getting upper stomach pains that were persistent and more and more severe. I gave myself an ulcer getting upset over this woman and had to be put on medication for a little while. Don't screw your stomach up over some dumb guy. His dad and dog dying aren't excuses for him to fall out of love with you and use you for sex. If anything losing people should make him even closer to you if you stuck by him through all those difficult times. Try to get a grip on yourself and if you feel this is getting out of hand go to a doctor.

Woahhhhhh the message above is a Lil much.

I don't think because someone is sad....we need to run to the doctor to get happy pills at every beck and call.

The truth is....heart break hurts .....it hurts more then any physical pain iv experienced. And in turn makes us physically ill at times.

A few months back.....a guy I was seeing whom I was in love with.....started being weird and shady about things...became distant and was giving me the bare minimum. ..to the point I was begging for crumbs. ....well during this time....all of that made this weird feeling inside.....I couldn't eat at all....like 8 days I hadn't had one thing to eat. I couldn't even think about eating at all. And even seeing food commercials or smelling it would make me nauseous . My heart was beating so fast....I was worried I may have a heart attack. And I'm only 29 but very fit and healthy. Anyways. ...I went to check my blood pressure at the pharmacy and it was sky rocketed. The only time I felt okay was when I was sleeping. And to fall asleep well good luck with that. I tossed and turned in physical pain I could hardly sleep. I started drinking every night to drown my sarrows. And after being a Dam investigator .....I found out all the truth's I had thought..... (intuition is ALWAYS RIGHT) Turned out he was seeing his ex behind my back and left me for her. Pretty much all I had known about the guy was a lie. It all made me sic to know, how could I be so naive. But the day after it ended and all the truths came to light. I felt okay again. Yes I was sad and seeked help from close family and friends after. But the pain in my tummy and heart was gone. I could finally eat and sleep again.

I think when we are faced with the UNKNOWN is when we make ourselves sick. It passes over time girl don't you worry!

But as others have said...... keep your distance ...give into no physical with him. As it will not save anything you have even though you wish it might.

I'm so sorry. Try and focus on taking care of you right now. Be extra kind and giving to yourself. Allow others, friends and family, to love you up too.

He's gone through a lot and seems overwhelmed. Retreating to drink, video games, and into himself. The loss of a parent can be devastating. It's possible he just does not know how to cope.

It's not your fault. And I know this must be so hard for you.

He asked for time so all you can do is respect that. Take this time to focus on yourself. What is important to you. What you can do to make sure you are well, and happy - regardless if he will continue to be in your life again or not.

And I agree with making a firm boundary about hang outs/ sex. He wants time, so let him fully have that. You want a relationship, so you won't settle for a confused FWB thing coming into play.

I hope you can get a nice sleep tonight. Do something relaxing. Maybe break out the expensive bath bombs, or whatever it is that would feel like a treat for you

I just want to say thank you everybody for your replies and encouraging support. It's all exactly what I needed to hear and I'm not upset with anybody's posts, I'm happy with them all, thank you all. It's nice to know that I'm not alone too.

I'm certainly trying my best to focus on myself and also keeping my mind active while looking after myself. Things may, or may not work out. If he's so persistent with avoiding me in future as well then I'm more inclined to believe it's completely over. Shame, because we were incredibly compatible and never had anything to complain about. We enjoyed each other's company thoroughly.. I never would have thought that things would have gone down this track... I am heart broken.. This will take time.. He was there for me when I went through pain, but didn't want me there when he went through his. There's the issue. I wish hard times would have brought us together and not tear us apart.

I will respect his decision and not let anything else happen. I can't do this to myself anymore.

{Apologies. Ignore this I accidentally sent the same response twice and no idea how to delete it}

Maye1, I am in a very similar situation as you. My boyfriend and I were together almost 6 years and he told me he felt that he's not sure if he's in love with me anymore but still cares a lot about me and "loves" me, it's just that he doesn't know what that love means anymore. We're both 26. We had some other issues, like I had some problems with alcohol which I have very quickly got on top of, however a lot of people close to both of us fear that he may be depressed, which sounds like what might be an issue with your boyfriend.

 

Both our boyfriends must have been struggling with these feelings of "loosing love" for a while before they told us. It seems "random" and "sudden" to us, but it's not to them. Is it fair that they didn't share their feelings with us and give us a chance to try and repair things before it was too late? Of course it's not fair. I'm extremely angry at my ex for holding his feelings inside and struggling with this alone instead of communicating with me. I'm angry at him for proposing to me 4 months ago and "suddenly" changing his mind. I'm angry at him for turning my life upside down. I'm angry at him for still even now being so indecisive about what he wants. If I hear "I don't know" one more time to something I ask, I swear to god I'm going to kick him in the balls.

 

Whether our ex's come back to us or not... who knows? Mine wants time too. He wants to see how we go being apart, he wants to see how much he misses me, etc. etc. It all seems like way too much work. I want somebody who doesn't doubt his feelings for me. He isn't sure what he wants and he isn't sure how he feels... so I told him to go and find out but I can't stick around anymore. Maybe he will come back. Maybe he won't.

 

I've been going back and forth through this for nearly 8 weeks now (broke up for 2 weeks, sort of got back together-ish for 3 weeks, then broke up but continued living together for nearly 3 weeks until I moved out), so I'm in a bit of a different place to you. But in the beginning... stomach pains, nausea and anxiety? Oh hell yes. I still get bouts of it now, but it was so much worse in the beginning. I couldn't keep food down. I'd walk around the house and I'd be dry-retching for no reason at all, I just felt so off all the time.

 

I'm not the best at giving advice right now because I'm still in the thick of it. But at least you now know you're not alone

 

I'm so sorry you are going through something similar. Particularly with the horrible dry-retching anxiousness and nausea. I know how it feels absolutely..

 

I agree with you. It would be rather nice for us to have someone that doesn't doubt. Although mine seems pretty set on his "time away" to sort himself out. Nothing I said to him over the phone would of made any differences in his response. He would just respond with, "I don't know what else to say to you, we're running circles, you know my answer, I need my time please". So I had no other option than to stop talking. It's horrible how someone you love can go from the best damn thing in your life, and quickly turn into someone so cold and then shut you out completely without even a pleasant goodbye.

 

We may never have our ex's back again. They seem set on having their "time". But at the end of the day, I'm leaning towards the thoughts of "with enough time apart, he will get over me quickly, and keep me hanging". We cant do that to ourselves. We need to focus on ourselves and not wait for them because in doing so can hurt too much. How many success stories come from always having time apart to "realise the love again"? I don't see how love can suddenly be there again.. which makes it harder for me. I hope I'm over-thinking though..

 

 

Sorry if my response seems a little negative, I'm also not great at giving advice now too, as you can imagine. But I do know that the most important thing is getting our own happiness back.. and push through these horrible times. Hopefully with time things start to ease and feel better. I wish the very best for you.

Hey guys.. Thanks for taking the time to read this, it means a lot to me.

 

A couple of days ago my boyfriend of 3 years broke up with me. We're adults and I'm 25, he is 30. Everything seemed to be going along so well.. we weren't the type of couple to argue at all. But because he lost his dad and dog all around the same year, he become emotionally and spiritually broken. The year following the losses, he was becoming distant with me. Conversations went from fun and thorough to a few words every now and then. He focused on video games and going out to drink. When I asked to talk he responds with the same "I'm fine".

Out of the blue... He sends me this long text message saying how he needs to break up and the "love feeling isn't there but he still deeply cares for me".. He said he wants time to figure himself out and get back on track. He emphasised he needs a bit of time.

This was very shocking to me, and random. One day he goes from loving the next pushing me away saying he doesn't want to talk.

I feel physically sick. My stomach is in knots and I'm having trouble focussing. I'm head over heels in love with this man.. And I feel like he won't come back to me. Hes only coming to me for "sexy times"... But during the day he avoids me. I don't understand what's going on. I feel extreme sickness and my heart is racing way too quick.

Any advice? Anybody been through/going through something similar? Please

 

Yes those pains are normal, I felt sick to my stomach (no appetite) and a grinding feeling in my chest. I could feel my heart beating out of my chest. Please know that you will feel better, feeling those pains can affect your health if it keeps up for very long.

It is super normal. Heartbreaks hurt physically and emotionally. When my break up happened I completely lost my appetite and I would go days without eating or just eating one small meal. So my stomach would hurt from depression and starvation. It's not something to see a doctor about.

Thank you, I have a feeling it will take a couple more days or more for the pains and anxiousness to lift. What I'm finding is that my "shock" has eased a great deal, and my thinking has become slightly clearer. I'm still eating small too, but one step at a time.

Thanks again for your responses

I'm so sorry you are in this situation. After two of my major break ups thorough life I had physical symptoms (stomach in knots, loss of appetite, tired, anxious, etc). My best and most painful advice would be to cut off all contact with him. If he truly loves you, he will realizes it once you're gone. My now husband and I dated for 9 years before getting married. We've been through on and off situations before, but if we broke up I would always be there. The last time we broke up (2012) I cut off all contact. He lost his mind. He realized what he lost and came back. I can't guarantee this will happen for you, but I can guarantee staying in this sex phase is not going to make you feel any better. If he's truly "done" then you need to be too... for you. Space will help both your minds though.

I agree... don't go running to a doctor. My ex gf of 9 months broke up with me in Late December and it was my first heartbreak and I'm 34. January was probably the worst month of my life. It really hit two weeks in and I had stomach pains and it was the worst feeling ever. My thoughts were out of control and I couldn't eat or sleep and lost 15 lbs. I did talk to a therapist and it helped a little but I just realized that I would just have to go through the pain. I did keep in contact with her every now and then thru text but I realized being in contact with her was only making it worst. She last text me in early feb and I kept it short and she called a couple days but it was strictly work related. I would just recommend to try and focus on your own happiness and do the things that make you happy. I have relied on the bottle a little too much but I'm working on that as well. That was one of the main causes for our break up and I'm trying to better myself not for her but for myself. I'd also recommend cut off all contact with him and you will eventually feel better. It's definitely helped me. I still think about her often and I'm sure that's just normal. Those moments of overwhelming sadness have almost disappeared and it does get better. I read a quote the other day some like if you're going through hell, keep going through it. Wish you the best and you are not alone.

To clarify my position:

OP and any other reader who may be interested -

Please don't hesitate to seek medical assistance should for anything that you feel is worrisome to you, irrespective of the reasons.

I just don't want anyone to be embarrassed or uncertain to get intervention because they're afraid of being dismissed or unduly judged.

Sorry to hear this, breakups suck. Go no contact and block and delete him from all social media.

Don't stick around to be demoted to booty call 1;6756589]Hes only coming to me for "sexy times"... But during the day he avoids me.