Am I worried for nothing?

I started dating this girl, about 7 months ago (i am also a girl btw). She has a son from a previous relationship, he is 11 months old. When we first started dating I shared with her my insecurities about her having to keep in touch with the father. (I have been in a couple relationships where my SO ended getting back together with their ex) I told her I understood they had to stay in contact because it would be best for the baby, and that the only thing I wanted was to keep the communication open about the details of their relationship.

After a few months I started to notice that she would never take his calls in front of me. She would either leave the room or decline the call, and then call back later when I wasn't around. I confronted her about it and she said she didn't like to speak with him when I was around because she knew I would get jealous and she "didn't want to deal with me when I was jealous". I'm not really sure what to make of the situation. The description doesn't really do the conversation we had justice. She basically told me my jealously was my problem, and I had to learn how to deal with it because things weren't gonna change. Am I wrong for being jealous? Am I wrong for wanting to be more included in their relationship?

She hadn't given you any reasons to be jealous, yet you asked that she report to you on their relationship. That was probably perceived as controlling and offputting. You either trust her or you don't. He is the father of her child. Her child is the top priority here. Trying to regulate their communication doesn't look good. Their relationship as co-parents doesn't include you and it is one of these things that it's 'invite only' not something you can invite yourself in.

Yes you are wrong for being jealous and she is 100% correct that it's your problem to address and deal with. You can't put your insecurities on her and you have no business whatsoever wanting to listen in to their conversations or demand that she report to you what they are talking about or doing. It's none of your business.

Either you can get past this or you cannot and should specifically seek out partners who do not have these kinds of challenges. Frankly, there is never any guarantee that you won't get dumped, which seems to be the part that you are worried about and are trying to control. You can't control that and the more you try, the more your worst fears will end up coming true as healthy people will not tolerate your behavior.

Your jealousy will ruin this relationship if you dont get a grip. Of course she has to have communication with the father of her child! That man will be in her life forever, one way or another.

I get that I cannot control their relationship. I don't want to. She was also in a previous relationship where her bf had a child with another woman. So before we even started dating we talked about all the ways dating someone with a child could be complicated. Specifically how having to stay in contact with an ex could be tricky. She came up with her own rules and told me that she didn't want to put me through what she had been through (ie being secretive about baby momma/baby daddy communication) so that's what worries me. She told me she would stay open and honest about their relationship, but now she is hiding it from me. I don't want to dictate their relationship, I'm not saying she needs to run it past me when they communicate. I just don't want her to go out of her way to hide it from me, that's the part that bothers me

At this point, the best course of action would probably be to stop broahing the subject altogether and try to stop worrying about it. Let it go. You may also want to rethink your choice in partners. Her previous two partners were men and you wrote that you have been abandoned in the past in such scenarios. Why keep choosing the same complicated set up?