I struggle sitting in lonliness

I feel like I have an internal struggle with being alone. This is a weird place to find myself in because in my most recent relationship, I generally always wanted to "stay in" and/or have alone time away from the girlfriend. This is something that turned her off and pushed her away because she always wanted to be out doing activities with friends/family. I did like to do that sometimes, but I didn't want to nearly as much as she did. During my alone time, I would often just smoke some weed and zone out to a good article, movie, tv show, or sometimes a video game. I thoroughly enjoyed this and didn't feel bad about it. Anyways, her and I are not together anymore and it's for the best long term. I've also quit smoking and now I find being alone to be very uncomfortable. I'm wondering if it's because I haven't spent enough personal time over the years just meditating in my thoughts and growing in self-awareness. I definitely numbed those feelings out by self-medication, but I never thought that was unhealthy until recently. It's become so clear to me that I was torturing my soul by not nurturing deep personal relationships with other people. It's a huge struggle for me to just sit alone with no TV on or not in front of a computer. Does anyone have any guidance on how to deal with this? Or is this just a rite of passage for every human to need to grow comfortable with? Thanks.

Been here. I stopped smoking 3 years ago. Getting high was all I ever wanted to do, for well over 10 years. Like me, you may have not developed the proper coping mechanisms for your issues, you simply numbed out, And are now left with somewhat of a psychological growth stunt.

I personally cut back on the video games and hit the outdoors. I took up new and adventurous hobbies that I didn't have the motivation to do stoned; spearfishing, snowboarding, back country camping, bear hunting, even life drawing and poetry. I also joined classes/clubs that pertained to these activities, and met new friends.

Maybe you can discover your true interests by getting away from screens every weekend, and take up a class or join a meetup that forces you to leave the house.

Good luck.

I also just quit smoking. I'm hoping to start doing all the things I thought about doing while high but never had the motivation to actually follow through with.

I think you just need time. And quitting weed is hard. It creates anxiety and depression. You may be going through a small withdrawal. Give it time for your body chemistry to readjust. Know that you won't feel like this forever and you just need to give yourself time to start a new routine.

I have been taking this supplement called L theanine and it really helps with the anxiety and depression of withdrawl.

Change is never easy. But with time you will feel better.

Been here. I stopped smoking 3 years ago. Getting high was all I ever wanted to do, for well over 10 years. Like me, you may have not developed the proper coping mechanisms for your issues, you simply numbed out, And are now left with somewhat of a psychological growth stunt.

 

I personally cut back on the video games and hit the outdoors. I took up new and adventurous hobbies that I didn't have the motivation to do stoned; spearfishing, snowboarding, back country camping, bear hunting, even life drawing and poetry. I also joined classes/clubs that pertained to these activities, and met new friends.

 

Maybe you can discover your true interests by getting away from screens every weekend, and take up a class or join a meetup that forces you to leave the house.

 

Good luck.

Thanks for the response. I definitely need to get better at not wasting time in front of the screen. I'm just so used to it now. I quit smoking well over 3 months ago, and I definitely see improvement in my well-being, but I also see what I've been missing in terms of developing coping mechanisms. I have also realized that I failed to spread out emotional support in my life. When I'm in dating relationships, at least post-college, I tend to invest all my emotion into the one I'm dating and get inevitably stuck in the relationship because leaving would mean I will be incredibly lonely. Then when that person isn't around, instead of sitting in that loneliness and becoming self-aware, I would just smoke weed and numb it out. After awhile, the habit of smoking then starts pulling you away from times when you could be out together doing things or with family and friends. Weed is a silent emotional killer and I grew comfortable in my discomfort. I didn't smoke for 10 years, but it was the better part of about 7-8 years. Just totally disconnected from meaningful relationships with people outside of dating women for sex. I'm blessed it's all over and I can finally mature into the man I am supposed to be. It feels really weird to say that at 32 yo, but it's better now than later I guess.

Since quitting, I have placed membership at a local church and joined a support group at that church. I have also been meeting lots of people from there and getting involved in activities through the church. It's been great so far and the people are nice. I also play a lot of sports, volleyball in particular, so I joined two leagues. I do have a roommate who has been very supportive with my quit so we hang out all the time now. This is a welcome change from his perspective because I have been sort of checked out the last year or two in my relationship with him and with my gf.

I do see light at the end of the tunnel. I just need to continue to press forward and no matter what keep quit. Inevitably, I'll begin developing emotionally and start filling those vacancies in my life with deep and meaningful relationships with others. That's something that I have lacked for a long time in my life.