My first bf and I broke up after 5 years cause of his girl best friend.

My first boyfriend and I were together for nearly five years, during all that time she caused trouble in our relationship, criticised every present I bought him, posted pictures of them together on Social Media, saying how much she loved him. The last straw was when she hit me in front of him and he didn't want to take sides. He took me on holiday and kept away from her for six weeks. He was a totally different person.

Then he met up with her and it all started again. I made him choose and he said she was his best friend so I ended our relationship.

Did I do the right thing?

Yes. She hit you and he didn't come to your defense? Ugh. Good riddance.

Why did she hit you? Did you hit her?

Is this the same guy who dumped you last month? And didn't you start seeing someone last fall? How has it been 5 years?

No it's my first boyfriend, he found out I'm single and wanted to get back together. We broke up about 6 months ago

So you didn't break up after five years. You broke up after a month. Why did you two break up the first time? And did all of this stuff with his friend happen in the last month or before you two broke it off before?

I have no idea why she hit me and no, I did not hit her back, her excuse was that she was jealous of me.

The reason I posted this was because I want to know if i did the right thing breaking up with him.

As you mentioned, I moved on and that didn't end too well. I have found out now that he has bipolar.

She hit you and she doesn't know why.

"Set the scene; have we been drinking?"

My apologies, it's you that doesn't know why.

I stand by the top shelf quote, however. Your account here is a wee bit sketchy.

I am discussing my first boyfriend, we were together almost 5 yrs, the only reason we broke up was because of his girl best friend. I met my second boyfriend shortly after we broke up, I guess it was on the rebound. We broke up on 2nd Jan this year and now my first bf wants to sort things out with me. The trouble is he still has this girl best friend.

No I wasn't drunk, we were all sober. She overheard me and my bf discussing going on holiday together. She couldn't handle not controlling our relationship I guess.

The thing is I was happy, now I am not so was I too hasty making him choose? My life has gone from bad to worse, without him.

As opposed to with him, but not on permanent holiday?

What would be your best hope for an outcome, here?

It seems to me that you are looking at learning to live without him or learning the traditional duck and cover position and then assuming it at all times.

Did you do the right thing by dumping him? Absolutely. Now stick to your decision and never ever speak to him or get back with him again.

It may have been 5 years, but it was not a healthy relationship. Never place value on how long you've stuck around. It was a bad investment and honestly, you should have dumped him years ago.

What you have is a guy who enjoys having two women cat fighting over him. He is actively setting up the situation and it will never change. The women may change, but he will always find fools to fight over him. You know what the irony is? No guy is ever worth that. So pick up what's left of your self esteem and be sure you never ever ever get into that kind of a relationship again. Respect yourself and value yourself more than that.

Thank you, I have just blocked him.

The outcome I was hoping for, was that he would realise who was more important to him.

It has been six months since I broke up with him. During our 5 years he fell out with his girl bf and they broke all contract for nearly 8 months, if I'm honest it was great! So she was and always will come between us.

Atta girl!

Thank you, I have just blocked him.

Awesome!!!! Now please please please stay strong and never get back with him again no matter what. Long past due for you to move forward with your life, enjoy yourself, date other guys and learn that your ex is not the only man out there for you and others are actually better, nicer, more respectful, etc. Most importantly, remember that if he doesn't place you as #1 woman in his life, he is not worth another minute of your time. You walk immediately. Expect loyalty and you will find that you do get it. Weed out those who don't meet your requirements ruthlessly.

Thank you so much, maybe it will be third time lucky for me. I feeling pretty low because after I broke up with him I did meet some awesome guy, he was the kindest and most loving person I had ever met. He begged me to never leave him. Only to be told three months later that he loved me too much and needed me too much, I would have trusted him with my life. He met my family, stayed at my house, he certainly fooled my parents.

He too has now started messaging me.

So how do I weed out the bad guys?

Take your time and elevate your standards. Are you settling for less than you deserve?

I have high standards and I certainly don't rush into relationships, so what do you suggest I do?

My second boyfriend insisted we be a couple, I wanted to stay best friends as we are both musicians and we enjoyed going to concerts together. My parents thought he was wonderful. So how will I be able to trust anyone else?

High standards are good. Taking your time, as well. Parental approval is typically sound.

How comfortable do you feel establishing and enforcing boundaries?

Thank you so much, maybe it will be third time lucky for me. I feeling pretty low because after I broke up with him I did meet some awesome guy, he was the kindest and most loving person I had ever met. He begged me to never leave him. Only to be told three months later that he loved me too much and needed me too much, I would have trusted him with my life. He met my family, stayed at my house, he certainly fooled my parents.

He too has now started messaging me.

So how do I weed out the bad guys?

I have high standards and I certainly don't rush into relationships, so what do you suggest I do?

My second boyfriend insisted we be a couple, I wanted to stay best friends as we are both musicians and we enjoyed going to concerts together. My parents thought he was wonderful. So how will I be able to trust anyone else?

The above in bold are huge red flags of things moving too soon, too much, too fast. Look being single after 5 years is going to be tough and take some getting used to. It's very tempting to leap into another relationship to plug the void and to make yourself feel comfortable, so you are vulnerable to the kinds of guys who will push things along at a million miles an hour. However, try to keep in mind that what burns hot and fast burns out just as fast. Players and various other undesirables will tell you what you want to hear fast, sweep you off your feet with all kinds of future talk, promises, etc. It sounds great, intoxicating even....but....it's just talk and when it's just a few weeks or even just a moth or two into it, beware. That kind of talk is too much too soon.

I'd suggest that you actually take some time off from dating and get used to being yourself. Figure out who you are as a person and not as girlfriend of.... Go and do things that maybe you've neglected to do or didn't have time for because of the relationship. Get busy with hobbies, friends, etc. When you reach a point where you feel comfortable in your own skin, happy and fulfilled with the life that you have created for yourself, you'll find that sweet talking players won't get past your filters and other assorted undesirable guys won't either. You will become highly selective about who you are giving the time of day to because your time is valuable to you.

Also, it's not about how do you trust. It's more about staying neutral and simply allowing yourself to see over time how the guy's words and actions match up.

Thank you so much for your advice. I am going to meet up with old friends and actually enjoy being on my own.